Smells Like Humans
Top 5% global podcast! Smells Like Humans is a seasonal podcast dedicated to bringing a humorous perspective to quirky and curious aspects of human behavior. Each show, the SLH crew will focus on a different topic, and share personal stories and observations in a way that sounds like you’re hanging out with your funny friends. The stories and commentary are presented with humor and warmth, since let’s face it: we all smell like humans. (Contact us: contactSLH19581980@gmail.com)
Smells Like Humans
DOG OWNERS ARE FREAKS (and we are ok with that...mostly)
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Jaimee joins Ross to discuss the world of dogs and their owners. Tangents include: Taco Bell; dog tooth necklace; purse dogs; owner types; gentle leaders and muzzles; blown teeth; Cheetos; Rear Window; LIFESPAN; serial killers; cartoon wisdom; Bumpuses. We talk a little about cats.
Notes:
Contact us: contactSLH19581980@gmail.com
Yeah, who do you belong to?
SPEAKER_03Who do you belong to? Are you just like running loose? Do you take you home? Are you mine now?
SPEAKER_00Sometimes I will say free doll! Welcome to another episode of Smells Like Humans. This is the podcast where we explore the curious things that people do, the very human things that grab our attention and cause us to wonder what and why. I'm Ross, your host, and today, my guest is everyone's favorite and a person I love to talk with, Jamie. Hello, Jamie.
SPEAKER_02Hi Ross.
SPEAKER_00And welcome everyone, friends. What do I always ask? I ask you to help us grow the show by sharing it with people you know would like it. So please do that. And the very best way to help us is to share the show with anyone you can, any way you can. We do appreciate that. We appreciate you coming and listening to the show. And at the end, I'll talk about other things you can do to help our small little show get bigger. But for now, let's get talking. By the way, we are broadcasting from our new home, Portland Underground Studio, right here in beautiful Portland, Oregon. And we're glad to be here. Jamie. Yes. One thing we know about humans is that humans like pets. Love them. Dogs, cats, birds, fish, hamsters, chinchillas, on and on. I know you don't like birds. Today I want to focus mainly on dog owners. Because you're a dog owner, right?
SPEAKER_03I am a dog owner.
SPEAKER_00What's your dog's name?
SPEAKER_03I have two dogs. So my dog's names are Fleeter Mouse and Mill House.
SPEAKER_00Fleeter Fleeter Mouse? Yes. That's the whole name.
SPEAKER_03Yes, it's an opera. It's uh Oh Yeah. It's uh it means the flying bat. Oh because he has gigantic ears and he looks like a bat. Uh but we just call him mouse or moose or moosey meesy or sweet good sweet boy. And then there's Mill House, but we just call her Millie.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_03Or number. Mildred, Maleficent. Uh she's got a lot of names.
SPEAKER_00Wow. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03That's cool.
SPEAKER_00And um I understand that one of them had a little dental work.
SPEAKER_03Yes. Poor sweet Millie. I got her from the Humane Society. And uh when you get a dog from the Humane Society.
SPEAKER_00They don't have teeth.
SPEAKER_03They have their teeth, but they kind of just guess how old they are. Okay. So uh when I got her, they said she was a year, but I think she might be like a grandma. I think she might be a billion, uh, but she did just have to get all of her uh little tiny dog teeth pulled out.
SPEAKER_00So she's just gumming her food now?
SPEAKER_03She's just gumming it, yeah. Which turns out is fine with dog food. Uh I asked him, I was like, do it. She needs to eat soft food now? I don't know, but no, they can just eat their hard uh kibble on their dog gums too.
SPEAKER_00She's gumming her hard kibble.
SPEAKER_03Gumming her hard kibble with her tongue flopping out. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03She's uh 50% cuter now that she got her teeth pulled.
SPEAKER_00She's cuter.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, she's way cuter now. Wow. I don't know how the science works, but for some reason she got her teeth pulled and now she's at least 50% cuter.
SPEAKER_00Wow, that's interesting. I wouldn't have guessed that she'd be cuter, but isn't that great how that worked out? And she doesn't seem to mind.
SPEAKER_03No, she doesn't mind. Well, I'm also the kind of person that when I get a dog, I get like the most pitiful, like ugly dog that they have. Oh, yeah. That nobody else is gonna get. So maybe she's cuter to me because she doesn't have any teeth, but other people might think otherwise.
SPEAKER_00Well, you know, pets, uh our experience with our pets is completely subjective, and what we think is beautiful and cute might make other people throw up. But um, but I'm glad that she's doing okay with no teeth. Now, can you get like a set of choppers for her that she puts on a glass every day?
SPEAKER_03Dog dentures, yeah. Perfectly straight, like human teeth, those big white, giant big old chiclets, yeah.
SPEAKER_00That would be good. That would be adorable. And then she could dye her hair and look like a scary middle-aged man. Um, well, I I think uh it's fair to say you probably love your dogs.
SPEAKER_03I love them. I'm obsessed with them.
SPEAKER_00And I love dogs in general.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I feel like dogs trust me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I trust them.
SPEAKER_03That's important. If a dog doesn't trust you, I don't trust you either.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. Right. That's a good yes, that'd be a good way to like check out a new person you're dating. Oh, yeah. Just to let your dog um give them the once over. I've been a dog. I don't know what that might mean, especially with a dog with no teeth. I've been a dog. I've been a dog owner for most of my adult life. I'm currently dog less because uh my best friend ever of all time passed away actually over a year ago, my man Mr. Chowder. And uh, but he and I had a unique synergy that I've actually never experienced with any other living thing, whether it be man, woman, or beast.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00And uh I liked all my dogs, but uh Mr. Chowder and I uh shared, seemed to share, it felt like we shared the same soul. Yeah, you know, we we had the same worldview. Yep. We like the same kinds of activities, and we pretty much had the same mental capacity. So I you know, I watch, you know, when you have a dog and you um in my case, I had he was a black lab, so we had to do a lot of outside walking, and I live in the city, so you encounter all kinds of people with their dogs. Yes, and I felt like there were different categories of dog owners. I'm gonna run these by and see if you've encountered this. Yep, lay it on me. The first and easiest one is the dog is considered a friend.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00Like this is my friend, this is my buddy, yeah, this is my companion, and that's how I felt about my dog. And those dog owners how do you find them usually? Would you either tolerable generally? Tolerable, yeah. And then there are people who talk about their dog as a child, and they say, My boys and my girls.
SPEAKER_03My dogs are there's one is a boy and one is a girl. Yeah, but I call them my good sweet boys because if cartoons have taught me anything, dogs are boys and cats are girls.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yeah. And let's all try to rely on the wisdom of cartoons.
SPEAKER_03Yes, Looney Tunes taught me anything.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, and I think that's fair.
SPEAKER_03So so Yeah, I consider my dogs my my children.
SPEAKER_00They're you're they're your children, your kids.
SPEAKER_03But I also don't have kids, and I don't plan on ever having kids, so that's maybe why. Maybe people that have kids think of their dogs differently because they have kids.
SPEAKER_00I never thought about that. That's something to inve I need to investigate that. Next time somebody says, Oh, here's my boys.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. My good sweet boys.
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna ask them, Do you have any real children? And let me see that dog's teeth. Is that a gumbo or a regular? So uh so then there are people, and some of these might overlap, but then there are the people who push their dogs around in a stroller. Yes. Are you one of those people?
SPEAKER_03I'm not one of those people, but I do have one in my building, and I kind of love her. With the person or the dog or person, she's like it, this ancient old woman, and she has this ancient old dog that's like blind and like missing clumps of fur, and she just is like obsessed with it, and she pushes it in its little stroller.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I've seen stroller dogs and wagon dogs who are clearly they're not able to function on their own. And so I get that that a stroller or a wagon or a wheelbarrow or whatever it is is necessary to get the dog from point A to point B. And and I I get that. But there are people who seem to do this for their dogs when they're perfectly able by the way.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, my best friend actually pushes her dog, one of her dog, she has two dogs, and she pushes one of them in a stroller. He's perfectly able. He's just very lazy and kind of fat. He doesn't want to go on the walks. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I think it's a chicken and egg problem. Maybe he wouldn't be probably so lazy and sluggish if he wasn't in a stroller or it's worth an investigation.
SPEAKER_03It maybe is worth a look.
SPEAKER_00So then there I notice there are people who aren't in any of these categories necessarily, but their dog is an ornament. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03It's like the purse dogs kind of in like the early 2000s, people had like a little chihuahua in their purse.
SPEAKER_00That's that's I hadn't thought about that.
SPEAKER_03It's like a fashion accessory. Right.
SPEAKER_00It's an accessory, or even if it's a bigger dog, the idea is like, look at how great this dog is. Yeah. Like this dog is like me driving a fancy car. So you feel like the relationship is kind of superficial between the owner and the dog. It's all about showing off the dog.
SPEAKER_03Like the purebred kind of dogs, maybe.
SPEAKER_00Uh purebred and just fancy, like fancy dogs.
SPEAKER_03People that pay a lot of money for their dogs, whereas I get mine the scraps from the Humane Society. Yeah. Whatever's left over, what haven't you sold? You go around back and look through the dogster. What's the the discount barrel of dogs?
SPEAKER_00It's the discount barrel. Give me that one.
SPEAKER_03That's the one I want.
SPEAKER_00Discount barrel of dogs. Come on down. So um, yeah. So yeah, I I just sense like they're so proud of their dog as sort of a um, I don't know, I find it a little irritating. I find that um, and there's nothing wrong about being proud of your dog, I guess, but to be so proud, these people I've encountered tend to be the people who want to not put their dog on a leash in the city. My dog doesn't need a leg. Yeah, he's well behaved. Uh-huh. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, but there's a lot of stuff out here.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Okay. First of all, not every dog is well behaved, and they might eat your dog.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Somebody else's dog. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Also, dogs chase things, you know, in stage.
SPEAKER_03It could be like a loud sound or something that like sets them off that's abnormal from their usual routine.
SPEAKER_00Or just you know, mainly it's, you know, when you encounter two dogs encounter each other in in on the street, even if they're leashed, they don't always behave that well. Yeah. It's just the and they have their own rules. Dogs have their own rules about which dogs they like. Like my dog likes every dog except big black, the really big black dogs. He did not like them. I don't know why because are cool.
SPEAKER_03Oh.
SPEAKER_00No, but it had to be a big, like hundred and fifty pound, like like a bully dog. Oh. There was a cat. He still does this. He had these giant, giant black dogs who would sit out in front of my building because he had no friends. Okay. And he would sit there with these giant dogs who had to wear muzzles because they probably were murdering things. And he would just sit there and they'd be all over the sidewalks, and people would stop and say, Oh, and they would kind of ask him about the dogs, and he'd be all ex you know, kind of pretend like, oh, I guess I'll talk to you about that. But uh, but that's why he was sitting out there to get that attention. So it just felt like the dogs were an ornament. But if anybody walked by with another dog, the the his muzzle dogs would try to break out of their muzzles. And these muscles were huge, they were like uh picnic basket size. They were huge because the dogs were huge. So, anyway, um, my dog did not like those dogs. Okay, and he would always want to get into it with them, which was not a good idea because he was not a big dog and he wasn't ferocious. He was also missing a couple of teeth.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_03My dog also likes he's very small. Uh mouse is like 10 pounds, and Millie's like five pounds. So together they're almost a dog. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You stack them together. Yeah. If you bind them tightly.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Little dogs can be like that. Yeah. They don't bark ever. Right. But when they're out on their leash and they see a big dog, they're like, I think, you know what? I think I could take you.
SPEAKER_00So we have the ornament ornament dogs. Then we have performer, show dogs, dock dogs, agility dogs, dogs that do not my dogs. Do something and entertain somehow.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, and then you have people who have dogs that do work like on a farm where they hunt. And those people seem to have a different relationship with their animals sometimes.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's like a coworker almost. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a co-worker. They don't love their dogs. Yeah, you don't see the love relationship.
SPEAKER_00It's a good relationship. It's so weird to me. It's not a bad relationship necessarily, but it's like the dog is just punching a clock, picking up a paycheck, and then hitting a bar with his buds. He's not hanging out with the animals.
SPEAKER_03I guess if you are on a farm, you're not really like friends with your animals because some of them you're gonna eat.
SPEAKER_00You're gonna eat them.
SPEAKER_03I guess you're right.
SPEAKER_00So there are uh then there are the uh the comfort animals and the seeing eye dogs, and the dogs that kind of help are helper dogs. And then there are the junkyard guard dog type. Yeah that's uh you know, they're out there trying to kill everything.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, those ones make me sad.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I don't know how happy everybody is in that relationship. I don't know how happy the owner is, I don't know how happy the dog is. Everybody just seems angry or have a chip on their shoulders.
SPEAKER_03I feel like to teach them to be like aggressive like that, you can't be very nice to them, right? Or loving towards them. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Might be. I don't like it.
SPEAKER_00And then and the most curious of all of these for me is the people that have outside dogs.
SPEAKER_03Yes. What is the deal with that? I don't know. And I don't get it.
SPEAKER_00It's not like they're abusive, but they don't let the dogs in the house. Yeah. The dog is an outside dog.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I don't approve of that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and especially if they're chained up in the yard. I know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no, that's that should be illegal.
SPEAKER_00The barking and looking hungry. I don't like that.
SPEAKER_03I don't care for that either.
SPEAKER_00But there are people who have dogs that aren't chaining them up, but they're just outside dogs.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, my ex actually, this is a very weird situation. Uh he and his new uh partner have dogs, but they allow some of the dogs to be inside dogs, and one of them just like has to live in the garage, and I just like what's the deal with that? Why that one?
SPEAKER_00I don't understand. And how do they how do how do you pick? And what's the social dynamic between the dogs? Like, are they like mocking the garage dog? Are they like Yeah. I mean, how does it all work?
SPEAKER_03I don't know. I don't like it though.
SPEAKER_00Or does the garage dog think that he's winning because he's got the whole garage to himself?
SPEAKER_03He's got his whole space.
SPEAKER_00I don't know.
SPEAKER_03I don't know.
SPEAKER_00But it's always it always struck me as odd that someone would go to the trouble of having a dog but not let it be part of the family.
SPEAKER_03Right. Also get really concerned when someone's like walking uh next to a street and they don't have their dog on a leash, and I'm like, I'm trying to figure out who the dog owner is. Like, which one is your dad, like, or your mom?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, who do you belong to?
SPEAKER_03Who do you belong to? Are you just like running loose? Doing it. Can I take you home? Are you mine now?
SPEAKER_00Sometimes I will say, free dog. Another thing I notice is people with very tiny dogs like yours.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00Even if they even if you strapped them together, they would still be tiny.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00They'd be one tini-ish dog with one set of teeth.
SPEAKER_03Yep.
SPEAKER_00And so, but they'll have them on a leash, but they cannot control them. Yeah. The whole dog weighs four pounds, and they're like, Come on, Misty. And the dog is wanting to do something, and they're just like struggling, like being pulled as if the dog weighed 300 pounds. Yeah. And it's like you're sitting up, you got a leash. Pull that dog weighs, you know, it's a nerf ball.
SPEAKER_03Pull it. There's a reason you have a leash.
SPEAKER_00Um, and then people, the other thing that I notice is people with dogs on super long leashes, and they let like they're 100 yards ahead of them. The dog is running amok, and I've got it on the leash. It's okay to have a longer leash, but you gotta like you know, read the room.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, be aware of your surroundings.
SPEAKER_00You know, don't be lying in your bed holding a leash with a 500 yard.
SPEAKER_03Sometimes I wish though that I could do that. Like I don't want to take you out.
SPEAKER_00Can I just get like a really long leash and let you I've mentioned this movie before rear window.
SPEAKER_03Ever seen I love rear windows.
SPEAKER_00You know how they lower the dog down on the basket?
SPEAKER_03Yes, I have thought about this many, many times.
SPEAKER_00That would work.
SPEAKER_03That's live in an apartment in the city. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So it comes down and then there might later someone might hide a head in there. Isn't that what happened?
SPEAKER_03I think that did happen, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I I think the dog might have met its demise, but then there was a head buried.
SPEAKER_03I remember being aware of that. Does the dog die dot com?
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_03Do you know this?
SPEAKER_00What is oh, is this from horror movies?
SPEAKER_03The any movie.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_03Any movie. Oh, so you can not watch it.
SPEAKER_01If the dog dies. Oh my god. That is so great. I'm so clear.
SPEAKER_03If I can even get like a little like inkling that maybe the dog might die in this movie, I look it up and then I'm like, nope, nope, I don't.
SPEAKER_00I will not. I as soon as I get a sense, if somebody starts calling for a dog, I turn the channel. Absolutely. If they because that's the they always call for the dog, you know the dog's not coming back.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Um now you can just look it up before. Oh, that is so great. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh, I'm gonna do that for all movies now. Yeah, no, I really, really, I was really enjoying this one show. I think it was called Gomorrah. It's about the Italian mob, and it was really fun. But then somewhere like in first season, they kill the dog, and I'm like, nope, I'm never watching this. I cannot trust this show. Nope. It's like I don't care if they kill all the people, kill all everybody.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's great, it's very entertaining. Kill the dog, I'm out.
SPEAKER_00And whenever the dog dies in a movie I'm watching, I always go, was that really necessary? Did you have to do that? Sometimes it's a trope, I think. It's like, well, this is the point where we killed it all.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. The only one that I think I approve of is John Wick because like the whole rest of the movie is just him avenging his dog's death.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but he still hated that.
SPEAKER_03But I still hated that.
SPEAKER_00I still that was a good dog.
SPEAKER_03It was a good boy. What a good sweet boy.
SPEAKER_00So so you so you walk around, you encounter people, and I don't know if you're out much with your dogs. Yes. I find that they're kind of a magnet for people.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, people love them.
SPEAKER_00And and that's cool. I get that. Because, you know, I say hi to every dog I see. Yeah. I say hi to every dog I see. Um, and I don't pet them unless the owner has given me permission. And I often don't even try to pet them because it's like, I get it, you're on a walk and you don't always. I mean, I'd be like on a walk with Mr. Chatter, and he'd finally get to the point where he's ready to download, you know. So you're like, okay, this is what we've been waiting for. You're finally gonna do the thing. Yeah, you're gonna go downtown. And so he's getting ready to do that.
SPEAKER_01And somebody's like, Can I pet your dog? I just want to put my hands on him. And I'm like, I'm kind of, can you see he's kind of working on something right now?
SPEAKER_03He's like it's always when they're like, you've been waiting forever, it's like cold outside and windy, and like they're about to finally go to the bathroom, and someone's like, You know what? Sounds great right now.
SPEAKER_01Let me pet your dog. You know what I'd like to do is see if I can feel the muscle contracting. It's like, no, go away with it. Go away.
SPEAKER_00So I try to be polite and I try would try to say, Well, he's kind of busy right now.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, he's kind of busy.
SPEAKER_01Maybe come back another time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Any other time. Um, but yeah, so you run into people and I and just so many fun things people would say. Um, my favorite one, this happened many times over his lifetime. So he's a black lab. He was 100% black lab. He looked like a black lab. You don't have to know anything about dog breeds, and you would see a black lab and go, that's probably a black lab.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But people would come up to me like randomly and say, What kind of dog is that? And that's fine. They don't know. So I would say he's a black lab. But then they would say, Are you sure? And I'm like, What? Like, you don't even know what it is.
SPEAKER_03I'm pretty sure.
SPEAKER_00I said, Yeah, he's a black lab. And they're like, I don't think so. And they start having this debate about what he is. Yeah. And I'd be, I'd always just say, I'm not sure how I can help you right now. It's like, I we're not obviously gonna continue this conversation because it's wacky.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I think I know what my dog is. You know the favorite comment that I Had about my dogs.
SPEAKER_01What?
SPEAKER_03On the street when I've been walking them, someone came up to my dog and said, look at this ghetto ass Taco Bell Chihuahua dog. Was that complimentary? I think I don't think so, but I took it as a compliment. I liked it.
SPEAKER_00What is that now?
SPEAKER_03The ghetto ass Taco Bell Chihuahua dog.
SPEAKER_00Wow. Yeah. That's pretty. You remember those commercials, right? Of course. Yeah. Who doesn't? Who doesn't? You know, I actually I've got to admit, like, I don't eat fast food.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. But you don't want to go Taco Bell?
SPEAKER_00I want a Taco Bell Taco.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Almost anytime.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like anytime. I don't care. You could think of the worst time uh crying at a funeral. And if you You know what would make this funeral better? If you handed me a Taco Bell Taco, like just on the sly, I'd be like, I'm just a little bit happier now.
SPEAKER_03They're good.
SPEAKER_01They're so good. Why are they so good?
SPEAKER_00I don't know.
SPEAKER_03They're like grade F meat. They might have actual chihuahuas in them. I don't know, but they are delicious.
SPEAKER_00I am so glad we're unsponsored. Always will be. Um because of stuff like that. Yeah. But the but yeah, like I don't know. They do they they have scientists working around the clock, these fast food companies, and they design these things so that they just set off all of our chemical bells and whistles so that we but I really like right now want to.
SPEAKER_03Should we get a Taco Bell after this?
SPEAKER_00I I want to.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00I want to.
SPEAKER_03It's a date.
SPEAKER_00Those things are good. Anybody listening to this right now wants one.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00Um, so so people come up, they say weird stuff. Uh, one thing they would say is um that always this whole it was like this whole little play. So they come up, this happened countless times throughout his whole life. How old is he? Yeah. And I would tell them, whatever age, yeah, whatever age, and it happened his whole life. And after he got to be about eight or nine, so about halfway through his life, two-thirds maybe, but still he's in good shape, you know, whatever. They would look sad and shake their head, like, oh. And it would be like, What is your deal? Yeah, like what do you so it because it's like, oh, he's gonna die.
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, so are you, eggplant? Come on, how old are you?
SPEAKER_00It's like you know, you just you want to ask them, well, how old are you? And then when they say, you just shake your head.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I feel like the bigger the dog, too, like the the younger they are. People like big dogs don't live as long as little dogs, right? My dogs are gonna be a billion, they're gonna live forever. But the bigger the dog, the more people are like, oh no, he's eight, he's on death store.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like just shut, keep that to yourself and don't look all sad.
SPEAKER_00And stop asking how old he is, just stay out of it. Yeah. Like you could ask any other question, like, where's his teeth? You know, and that's fair.
SPEAKER_03Uh when my dogs got their teeth pulled, by the way, the vet asked me if I wanted to keep them.
SPEAKER_00What would you uh I didn't.
SPEAKER_03But do people do that?
SPEAKER_00Uh keep their dogs' teeth.
SPEAKER_03Keep their dog's teeth. Yeah. Well, I didn't I was like, um no. I th I think I'm all set on dog teeth. Got a full stock of dog teeth. I don't need any more dog teeth.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's not like a car where they give you the parts back. What are you gonna do with those? Uh you could make a necklace. You can make a happening necklace.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, yeah, I don't know. Uh I don't know about that. Um but that's not a thing that I would do. No. Um, I like, yeah. But it's interesting. I guess some people want their want the parts.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. It's like when your baby gets its first haircut, right? You keep its hair. People do that, right?
SPEAKER_00I don't know. I I never did that. Okay. I never kept any parts from any other. I don't know. I'm sure people would have to do it. We've seen it on TV. Well, we did do the thing where you'd put a tooth. They if they blew a tooth and you'd put it under their pillow. Blue tooth. You know, like a kid that are constantly blowing their teeth and then coming out.
SPEAKER_03Blowing them right out of their faces. Yes.
SPEAKER_00Or they swallow them. I need my tooth. So that happens. But yeah, so then you hide it under the pillow and tell them that very. I'm glad we're enjoying this. Everybody's wondering what's this about. Um, so um what's my guys? We got off the topic. What a surprise. As if there were a topic. So um, one time this guy started screaming at me about my dog, and he's screaming, hey, hey, have you told him the truth? He's talking about me telling Mr. Chowder the truth. And I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_01He goes, Life spin! Life spin. What?
SPEAKER_00He was basically saying, I need to tell my dog that he's going to die.
SPEAKER_03Oh.
SPEAKER_00And it's like, doesn't that apply to it?
SPEAKER_03That's not a conversation that we have. We're doesn't it apply to all of us? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like, how would you like to be sitting somewhere with like your grandfather and someone says, Hey, hey, have you told them about lifespan?
SPEAKER_03I've been meaning to have a conversation with you today.
SPEAKER_00Please yell it at me, though, because that's the only way I need lifespan yelled into my ear, and that'll take me, push me right over the edge. Um, and then the and then the one thing I would always get because um so Mr. Chowder was active. Yeah, he was a very energetic dog with a little just woo, he had a dri had a drive. And one of the reasons we got along so well is he was always up for anything, yeah, anytime. So for years I struggled with controlling him with a standard leash, and I tried to train him using all the techniques to get him to behave, and he was one of these dogs where if he got an inspiration, he was on it. Okay, and he would sometimes almost jerk me off my feet when he would lunge at something. Yeah, and it would usually be something disgusting that he would discover under a bush or something, and I won't go into how disgusting it would be, but let's just say he had a low threshold for something smelling things, yeah. Anything, anything. So so I discovered about halfway through his life the beauty of something called the gentle leader. Oh, the gentle leader fits over gently over their nose and around under their chin, but it's not a it's not a muzzle, it doesn't close their mouth.
SPEAKER_03Pulls their head, right?
SPEAKER_00What it does is it it gives it allows you to apply with just a little tiny bit of force, you can control the way their head turns. Yeah, and if their head is turned, they can't lunge in the opposite direction. So there's nothing you don't you exert almost no force. Okay. It's so it's called a gentle leader because you're almost doing nothing. Yeah, and it's great. And his behavior went from out of control to in control, and he became the best dog ever. And it was it the first time I tried it, and he was so it was worked so well, I almost started crying because it was like such a relief not to have to be wrestling with him every time we went outside and worrying about is he gonna lunge for this or go for a squirrel or something? Yes, because anything. So he would wear the thing and it was bright red, and he had a red collar, so he was and he was all black, so he's styling. Stylish. So people would notice that he had this gentle leader on, and they would think it was a muzzle. Uh and they would ask what why does he have to wear a muzzle? And I would explain, it's not a muzzle. Look, he can open his he's look, so you can see his mouth, his tongue is hanging out, his teeth are there, and um, you know, at the mouth, so it's not a muzzle. Oh, okay. And sometimes, since I live in a building, I would encounter people in the elevators were going down, and they would ask, and sometimes it would be the same person that I'd already explained it to. Why does he wear a muzzle? Or he looks good with that muzzle. And I would always feel compelled for whatever reason to say it's not a muzzle. Instead of just letting them live in their world because it didn't affect me. Why did I have to correct them? And one time I'm walking by a bar and some guy comes out and he's I had a few, you know, and uh he's asked the question, why is he wearing a muzzle? And again, I'm even explaining this to a drunk guy. Yeah. Well, you see, it's not a muzzle, and he goes, uh, hold it. Yeah, it is. And so I go, Yeah, you're right. You're right. I've been living a lie. Yeah. But you know, people would come up to me, because it is dogs are like magnets out on the street, and so people just feel, you know, people would interact with me through the dog. Yeah, like they would never look at me. It's people say, Oh, it's a it's a magnet for you know, uh, uh meeting your next partner, right? But all the beautiful people would only talk to him. They never say anything to me, they never would look at me. It was, you know, I'd be hey, eyes up here, you know.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Hey, can you say that to my eyes?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he's why get off my dog. So uh one time this guy comes up to me and he's angry. He comes walking right up and he goes, I just stepped in a poop from one of your friends. And I'm like, What? And he was mad. He was like seeing, I'm a dog owner, so now he's got a complaint. Any dog poop is your fault. Yeah, it's like, well, it's part of your club. Okay. It's like, hey, it ain't my poop, Junior. I have my little bags.
SPEAKER_03Also, we live in Portland. It how do we know this is dog and not human?
SPEAKER_00We've discussed that before. But dogs, you know, they're so great because they're so great at reading people, they're so tuned in. And I have this theory, why it's so hard. Like, I'm still not over Mr. Chowder. I'm still not over him. I could start crying any minute. And I think it's one reason this is just I haven't read this, it's probably well researched, but for me, I was thinking about it. It's like with a kid, like a real life kid, yeah, um, almost from the beginning, they're becoming more and more independent from you. Yeah, and by the time they're grown up, they have already figured out a way to live independently from you. Right. Hopefully. Yeah. Hopefully, they get out of the house and do something with their life. Yeah. But in yeah, in the average case, they're already kind of mentally and physically becoming less and less dependent. So even if you were to lose a child later in life or any loved one, it's of course very sad, very tragic, and all those things. But you've had this process of of um of differentiation, separation, that's the word, sort of a natural separation. So that you don't have with a dog because a dog is always like having a toddler or a two-year-old. They can't talk. Yeah, they're completely dependent on you, they do things, they can do things, and they're they're able to navigate their world to some extent, but you need to be with them and take care of them all the time. You need to know how they're doing, you need to always be watching out for their welfare, yeah. You need to always be protecting them and tending to whatever their needs are. Yeah. And so you never get that separation. So when a dog passes, it feels to me, that's why it feels so much more intense.
SPEAKER_03It's the worst day of your life.
SPEAKER_00It really I is.
SPEAKER_03I can't really think of a worse day than when I had to put my dog down.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and it's the it's your obligation, it's your that's ultimately your job is to like not make them suffer.
SPEAKER_03Yes. But to have to make that decision is like it's tough.
SPEAKER_00So difficult. I used to when Mr. Chowder was younger, there was another dog in the house called Ernie, and Ernie was a basset hound.
SPEAKER_03Oh, right.
SPEAKER_00And they would work together as a team to steal food.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00So a couple of times there was like a turkey ripped to the ground or a whole leg of lamb just grab, you know, they work together and grab it down really fast and see if they could get away with it.
SPEAKER_03I'm thinking of a Christmas story when the the bumpus hounds like get their Christmas turkey. Do you remember this story?
SPEAKER_00Oh, well, I have a whole thing about that. I cannot. I cannot bumpuses. No, I I know.
SPEAKER_01You hear the Christmas story? I just don't understand why everybody likes it so much.
SPEAKER_00And I know it was a generational thing, and I've tried to watch it.
SPEAKER_03It's not your jam. It's so bad. It's I've tried, I just recently either really like it or you like absolutely hate it.
SPEAKER_00I've tried I wanna I wanna fit in. I want people, I want to always people say the bumpuses or the lamp or the the dad is the creepiest mofo I have ever. And I was like, why do people like this dad? Anyway, I get it. I know who the bumpuses are and I understand why it's delightful, and I'll never be part of this club.
SPEAKER_03You'll never be part of the club.
SPEAKER_00I can't be part of all the clubs.
SPEAKER_03You're part of so many clubs.
SPEAKER_00I'm part of so many clubs, and a lot of them don't even want me in the clubs, so I really shouldn't be looking to join new clubs. Let's talk briefly about dog people versus cat people.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_00Let's because it seems like that's a real thing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I don't know what's your cat situation.
SPEAKER_03I I don't want anything to shit in my house. I just it's not. That's it. That's all. I have seen cats that are like trained to use a toilet.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I've heard of this.
SPEAKER_03And maybe that would be okay, but they just like they don't like you. Not really.
SPEAKER_00Well, they don't need you. They don't need you. Cats are stats are predators. Yeah. Dogs used to be, but they evolved to to be dependent, fuzzy little beings. You know, they used to be they used to want to eat us, but now they're like, no, help me.
SPEAKER_03Please help me. Help me. Look, I'm cute. Give me my crunchy food. I know teeth.
unknownYou gotta take care of me.
SPEAKER_00And but cats are like, if you disappear, take you or leave you. Yeah, if you disappear, I can live fine. Yeah. I can be I'll be fine. Just let me out. Just let me out. I'll do my thing.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I did have a partner that I lived with for a year that had a cat, and I kind of started getting how why people like them. I mean, they have antics. Um, the cat would, if I was like trying to, if I was like had a screwdriver and was trying to fix something, the cat would kind of come over and look, and I was okay. I kind of like the curiosity. And you know, when they get into boxes and junk for no reason, that's kind of interesting.
SPEAKER_03I guess.
SPEAKER_00Um, so it wasn't horrible, but I gotta tell you, uh, later on, I was uh had been on a couple of outside dates with somebody, you know, where you meet and go on a hike for the first meetup, and maybe the next time you're outside at a having a sandwich or a coffee or whatever. We've never been inside together. Okay. So third an outside sandwich. Yeah, it was having outside sandwiches with outside people. And so the third um, we were gonna watch a movie at my house or something. So she comes over.
SPEAKER_01Okay. And it's like I'm noticing something, it's a smell, but I don't know what it is. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I'm then I start really, and I think it's the smell of the the I don't know if it's the litter thing that makes that has that pneumonia. Ammonia. Ammonia. I said pneumonia. Smells like pneumonia. No, well, that's not pneumonia, that's the croup. I thought it was tuberculosis. Anyway, smelled like ammonia. So I don't know if that's the cat T.
SPEAKER_03I had a roommate that had cats, and it would only spray, you know, cats spray. Yeah, I've heard the spraying thing. Disgusting. Uh I really like them, guys. Um, no, it would only spray my clean laundry. Never my dirty laundry. Oh. As soon as I did laundry and it was like clean and I brought it up to my room, and you know you put your clean laundry on like the chair, you have like the clean clothes chair, right? Or dresser, whatever, wherever you put your clean laundry, but that's not away because you don't fold it immediately. I'm not a serial killer. Uh it would spray my clean laundry. Wait, what? You're not a serial killer? Well, not that you know.
SPEAKER_00Wait, what a minute. Wait a minute, what a minute, wait a minute.
SPEAKER_03You don't put away your laundry as soon as you wash it. Why does it make you a serial killer? I don't know. I don't make the rules. I just enforce it.
SPEAKER_01Wait, but seriously, why if I put away my laundry immediately?
SPEAKER_03Why would that make it gotta give it like a couple days to sit it's gotta air out. Yeah, you gotta sit it on the the clean laundry chair.
SPEAKER_00Okay. All right. Yeah. I did not know that was one of the markers for serial killer. Okay. Well, I don't do that. You my my laundry stays out.
SPEAKER_03Stays on the chair.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it'll stay like in a basket for a while. For a while. Sometimes I'll just use it out of the basket.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, exactly. So you're a normal person.
SPEAKER_00Well, I am a I am a single person. I'm a single person. I make the rules and nobody cares what I do. Nobody cares. It's the funniest thing. When you live by yourself, it's great. Nothing matters.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You can do anything. Uh you can even eat Cheetos in your underwear, and nothing there are no consequences. Um so uh so yeah, so she smelled like ammonia. And after she left, the couch smelled like oh no, like I couldn't make the smell go away. It was so like um intense, yes, permeating. Pungent, you're killing with vocabulary today. It was very pungent, and so I broke up with her. Well, not that we would have too. We only dated three times, so it's not like we were a thing, but I said I didn't wasn't interested in going out with her. Smell. I didn't tell her why because I didn't know how to have that conversation. How do you have that conversation? You stink. Yeah, no, you're not gonna say that to somebody. You're not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say it to somebody, and I'm not I also because I know it was cat, yeah, was caused by the cat, it's very personal to that person. It's like saying, I don't like your cat, and I don't like you and your cat. So I felt like there was no appropriate way to tell her because it's not like she's gonna give away her cat. And if she did, I don't want that kind of bird. Serial killer.
SPEAKER_03You give away your pets immediately.
SPEAKER_00I gave away my cat for you. You owe me.
SPEAKER_03Too much. Three dates.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I didn't want that. So she was a very nice person too, but I couldn't take the smell.
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_00Well, I would love to talk more about this, but I think we're we we stand the chance of alienating cat owners everywhere. So I think we should stop. Now, I totally like I said, I get I've known I've known some beautiful people and they love their cats, and they are as bonded with their cats as I am with my dog. So I totally respect that part of it. I just think something. Yeah, you know, I it's it's one of those things. I I think a cat is better than a fish.
SPEAKER_03Yes, or a bird.
SPEAKER_00And I know, and you would like cats because they eat birds.
SPEAKER_03That is true. So there's there's yeah, there's a certain thing there.
SPEAKER_00Well, thank you, Jamie, for joining me for this episode. It's really fun to talk about pets, and it's a topic I could talk about all the time. Thank all of you for joining us for this episode. If you like what we're doing, please help us follow the show on Instagram or Twitter, and um, that would be swell to have you part of our group there. If you can rate the show on whatever app you're listening to it on, please do that. Give us the highest rating and give us a great review. This really helps us. We're totally independent, we have no sponsors, and the only way to grow the show is the old-fashioned one person at a time. Word of mouth really helps us, and those ratings help uh algorithms somehow find the show and encourage other people to listen. And you can also support us on Patreon if you'd like to do that. This costs money, and we need your help. So thank you for considering that. And we hope you will tune in to another episode because whether you are watching your dog gum its kibble, or folding your laundry like a serial killer, it's important to remember that we all smell like humans. Goodbye, everybody.