Smells Like Humans
Top 5% global podcast! Smells Like Humans is a seasonal podcast dedicated to bringing a humorous perspective to quirky and curious aspects of human behavior. Each show, the SLH crew will focus on a different topic, and share personal stories and observations in a way that sounds like you’re hanging out with your funny friends. The stories and commentary are presented with humor and warmth, since let’s face it: we all smell like humans. (Contact us: contactSLH19581980@gmail.com)
Smells Like Humans
AIRPORT BEAGLES ARE COMING FOR YOUR BUSH MEAT!
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Jaimee joins Ross to discuss how beagles have been trained to sniff out people smuggling meat in their airline luggage. Tangents include: corn chip feet; cheese; bush meat; duikers; kangaroos; stowaway spider crabs; nail clipping; greasy food smells on planes; meatballs.
Notes:
- https://no-smoke.org/celebrating-25-years-smokefree-skies/#:~:text=On%20February%2025%2C%201990%2C%20the,smokefree%20policies%20for%20airlines%20worldwide.
- https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/23/us/politics/beagles-airport-security.html?searchResultPosition=8
Contact us: contactSLH19581980@gmail.com
The hands are off the wheel, and Jesus has thrown himself out into the bramble.
SPEAKER_00Into the bush meat.
SPEAKER_02Jesus take the whip. It's like, uh-uh.
SPEAKER_00Not unless you give me a train wreck.
SPEAKER_03Not unless you give me a meatball sub Bronco. Welcome to another episode of Smells Like Humans. This is the podcast where we explore the curious things that people do, the very human things that grab our attention and cause us to wonder, what and why. I'm Ross, your host, and today's guest is a friend who is so special. If I had to choose between her and a meatball sub, I would choose her more than 68% of the time. It's Jamie.
SPEAKER_01Hi Ross.
SPEAKER_03Hey Jamie, and welcome everyone to the show. Thank you for listening. We're down here at Portland Underground Studio. It's the place to record yourself. If you like to hear your voice, please help us by sharing the show. Please rate us, give us the highest rating possible on an app that allows you to do that. And if you can take a moment and write a sentence or two, giving us a sparkling review, I hear that really helps people find us. Our little community is growing. We appreciate your help in particular. Anything you can do to help us grow the show, we absolutely appreciate it. Let's get going.
SPEAKER_01Let's do it.
SPEAKER_03Okay, Jamie, we know that humans like traveling.
SPEAKER_01We do.
SPEAKER_03And when they travel, they like to often pack some treats and goodies in their in their luggage. Did you know that? You ever do that?
SPEAKER_01I yes, I'm a snack fanatic.
SPEAKER_03So you you when you go on a plane trip, you you grab a couple of snacks, maybe put them in your bag. Sure. And then what do you what kind of snacks are you going for now?
SPEAKER_01I'm pretty boring. I would do like an almond bag. I've got an almond bag in my purse right now. Emergency almonds, I call them.
SPEAKER_03An almond bag. Are they salted or unsalted?
SPEAKER_01They're lightly salted.
SPEAKER_03Lightly salted.
SPEAKER_01Lightly salted.
SPEAKER_03They've been kissed by the salt. But not too much. No. A lot of people like to do that. I like my snacks. I'm a big snacker. I do not like airplane food too much, if you can even get it. Sometimes people come into our fine country and uh or are leaving, but also usually they're coming in, they they pack some items that are prohibited. They're not allowed to bring them in. Now you might be thinking, you know, who's gonna know? If I pack a couple of Italian sausages in my sweat socks or in my shaving kit, you know, if I slip a mango, uh wrap it around my underwear, who's gonna know? How are they gonna find out? Like they're not x-raying for that. Well, we know about the drug-sniffing dogs, right? Right. They're usually like big dogs, German shepherds, laps, they come up, it's all business. They usually there's an officer like carrying the dog, you know, wielding the dog around, and everybody like kind of tenses up because uh I know that I didn't bring drugs, but what if I accidentally brought drugs? Yeah, what if I did drugs? I know there's no drugs in there, but there might be just can they smell the drugs in my bloodstream? What if I like have a pot smoking partner and I stink of pot? Are they gonna, you know, is it just I never bring any drugs. No, but on a plane, but I worry when I see the drug-sniffing dog that he's gonna somehow smell something, right? And it's maybe just an unwashed something or other, but it's second-hand drugs, and the dog's gonna be like this guy, yeah. And then you just you get taken into a room, you don't know what happens in there. No, you it's not good though. Nobody wants to be in that room. Well, we know about those dogs, and we know if we see them coming, Scooby-Doo the other way. Yeah, but I just learned that airports use another kind of dog to sniff out your food. What they're beagles.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god, cute.
SPEAKER_03They're the cutest beagles you have ever seen. So you see these little dogs running up to you, and you're like, Oh, hi, and then they bust you. They're cute, they're snuggly, and they will rat you out.
SPEAKER_01Bunch of narcs.
SPEAKER_03So any, yes, and they're so I the pictures of these dogs are so cute. I'll link the article that I was reading about them uh in the show notes so you can check them out. But anyone who travels knows that you have to go through a ton of hurdles. Yes, you've been anywhere lately?
SPEAKER_01No, I don't go anywhere anymore.
SPEAKER_03Everyone, even before the pandemic, it was a hassle. You have to get to the airport early. They're still telling you to get there two hours early. By the way, that's too freaking early to get to. Come on, two hours? And let me tell you something. 20 minutes, I've seen all the airport I need to see. I'm ready to get out of it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_03Two hours, that never works. You got to go through security. Everybody knows how that sucks out loud. That's no good. Security, all that wanding and probing and stripping down or whatever they do and looking at your inner parts. I don't want that. I hate it. I hate all of it. Uh you're, you know, you're cramming all this junk into your bag so you don't have to check a bag and your bag's overloaded, and it's a mess. And you go through all these, jump over all these hurdles just to have a chance to fly, but they don't have to fly you. They can tell you after you do all that, you got to airport like a week early, you did all the things, you were totally stripped down, they combed your skin looking for anything. You go through all of that, you're finally there, plus all just the stress of traveling. You're there, you're ready, and they say, sorry, you're not going.
SPEAKER_01Kick rocks.
SPEAKER_03Yes. What did you just say?
SPEAKER_01I said kick rocks.
SPEAKER_03Kick rocks. I've never heard that expression. I thought you said cake rocks, and I'm like, yeah, it does, but how are we? How does that fit this moment? Kick rocks.
SPEAKER_01Kick rocks. Get out of here.
SPEAKER_03Where did you learn that?
SPEAKER_01I don't know. Maybe it's a Utah thing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, there's probably a lot of things that happen in Utah that I don't know about. Kick rocks, you Utah hands. Is that what you're called? Utah's. Utah. Like croutons.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like a crouton. Kick rocks, croutons.
SPEAKER_03So uh that's not a fair relationship.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_03Imagine any other contract that you would sign where that's the relationship. Okay, let's take the low-hanging fruit. I love low-hanging fruit.
SPEAKER_01Sure.
SPEAKER_03Like a pear.
SPEAKER_01Delicious.
SPEAKER_03Okay. So um a marriage contract. All right. So your partner says, Okay, I'll marry you, but you have to cook for me, you have to clean for me, you have to do my laundry, you have to pay my rent. And in exchange, I may or may not be faithful.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03We'll see.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Depending. Circumstances allowing. And it's like, no, nobody would go for that, right? Right. Or a job like where you have to come in at six o'clock in the morning and you gotta do all this and you gotta do that, and you have to pass all your performance reviews of flying colors. And at the end of that, maybe we'll pay you. Maybe we won't. Nobody would do that, right? Like, I'm not doing that, but we sign up willingly for this airline torture. Like, pretty much treat me like the worst person on earth.
SPEAKER_01You 100% have to do all of these things in order to fly. But we don't have to necessarily have to do anything, even if you do all of the things, which you definitely have to do.
SPEAKER_03You have to do all those things.
SPEAKER_01We might or might not do the thing that we told you about. No, because sometimes things happen.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's rough. It's an unfair relationship. So now add these food-sniffing dogs to the equation, these cute little dogs, they're sniffing for food and plants. Because plants have uh, you know, things like can have uh fruit and plants can have things like med flies and other sure other kinds of pests, and the food can also have certain things that are hazardous to our ecosystem as if right. How can there anything be already worse than what we already have? I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Totally. This is a side note. I didn't bring any food back with me, but I went to Australia uh a couple years ago. You kidnapped a kangaroo? No, but when I came back, there was this spider in my suitcase.
SPEAKER_03Spider mites on your squad.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I do have spider mites on my squat.
SPEAKER_03Okay, no way.
SPEAKER_01That's a sidebar. So you But there was a spider in my suitcase, and it looked like a baby crab. Like it was like it was small, but it had like those really like thick legs and like a thick body. Yeah. Disgusting. You're creeping me out. Definitely came from Australia. And I legitimately called the maintenance man from my apartment complex. And and I didn't tell him I had like a leak in my sink, but I was like, can you please come kill this disgusting baby crab spider that's in my apartment?
SPEAKER_03And did he?
SPEAKER_01And he did, yeah. He came and killed it for me.
SPEAKER_03So I guess you really couldn't send it back at that point.
SPEAKER_01No, and I didn't want to fuck up the ecosystem of Yes, that was probably a good choice, because who knows. Overrun by baby crabs.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, who knows what kind of thing they're looking to eat.
SPEAKER_01It was disgusting.
SPEAKER_03So, yes. Wow, and that was in your bag from Australia. My bag from Australia.
SPEAKER_01And Australia has all kinds of crazy creatures that'll kill you, so who knows what this thing could do.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. Maybe somebody slipped it into your bag. Yeah, maybe stealthily.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Maybe it's all part of a like a spider smuggling round.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03And if you are from New Zealand or Australia and you're dropping by Portland, come see us. We'll put you on the podcast. We want to talk to you about spiders, wallabies, and kangaroos.
SPEAKER_01All those creatures that can kill you in Australia.
SPEAKER_03I don't a kangaroo can punch you out.
SPEAKER_01Oh, definitely. They're jacked.
SPEAKER_03So what am I talking about? I'm talking about these food-sniffing dogs. What are they sniffing for? Okay, they're specially tuned into apple, citrus, mango, delicious, pork, all right, and beef. They've been trained especially to do that. And you know, dogs, I think their smell, their smell of vision is like a hundred thousand times better than ours. Totally. I think it's something like that. It's incredible. Like they can smell from, you know, they can smell you a week into the future. You know, they got good smellers. Right. I also learned that when dogs are are born, they're blind for the first week and they can't hear for three weeks. But you know what? They're they can we know their smell is totally tuned in right from the jump. But they also have a special part of their smell of vision that uh that is heat seeking. And so while they can't see anything, they can find uh warm things, and their mother's belly is warm, it's it's all warm while while she's feeding, so they can find their food that way. And also later that doesn't go away, so that's why you know a lot of times you walk into a place and a dog will go right for your backside.
SPEAKER_01Uh yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's like a little heat seeker. They're like looking where there's a warm space in here. I don't know. I'm just saying that's what they do. Okay. So these beagles are cute, people want to see them. Come here, boy. Come here. And then the next thing you know, boom. These uh, there's about 200 of them employed around the country in airports. I've never seen a food sniffer. No, but you know, they tend to be focused on uh uh people coming from other countries to hear, so it's got probably more in international terminals, right? Um, but they're out there in the first nine months of this year, the year that we're in right now, 2022, these little bastards confiscated more than 96,000 items of contraband food and fruit and plants. Huh. It's a lot nicer. Where does it go? They claim they don't eat the stuff. They claim that it is not taken back in that little room, the frisky where they frisk you, right, and guys are chowing down on sausage sandwiches out of somebody's luggage. They claim that isn't happening. Okay. What do they do with it? I don't know. But I'm telling you, if somebody's got a meatball sub full of drugs. If some puppy comes, if some puppy that is working for me runs up to me with a meatball sub, drugs or no drugs, yeah, I've got to tell you, I'm gonna lean into that meatball.
SPEAKER_01But it's delicious.
SPEAKER_03I like to slip into a meatball now and again. It's a very nice experience. And you know what? There's not enough meatball places out here in Portland.
SPEAKER_00No, I agree.
SPEAKER_03In New York, you can go to a like meatball, you can just go to a meatball bar. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, you just belly up and just order yourself a meatball.
SPEAKER_01Just mouth on meatballs.
SPEAKER_03Just pop one in your outstretched hand. No plate or nothing. And why would you need one? No. Because that sucker's going down. Like, come on. Right. Not enough meatball. So they intercept those things that I said. Uh and then I was reading in the article. You ever read an article and they just drop some a term casually and they don't explain it like you're supposed to know. I find that a lot. Like, wait a minute, you just said something. You did not give it any context. You didn't explain it like I'm supposed to know. And this article I'm reading says, Some of these dogs intercept bushmeat.
SPEAKER_01What?
SPEAKER_03And I'm like, what's gonna make a joke here?
SPEAKER_01Well, I mean, there's all kinds of one for the low-hanging fruit.
SPEAKER_03Talk about, yeah, low-hanging fruit. There's low-hanging bushmeat all over the place. And by the way, if you're at a restaurant and you read bushmeats on the menu, is that gonna be something you're gonna order right off the bat?
SPEAKER_00Bush meat, please.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I don't need any. No, don't bother to explain it to me. Oh, that's the special? Enough said. Yep. Just give me that bushmeat. I mean, come on, you can't write an article. This is an article in the New York Times, and they write, they put down bushmeat. I give guarantee you, 99% of the people reading that article say, I have no freaking idea what this is, but it sounds like a bad joke.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. The only thing I can guess is uh like when I was in Australia, like the bush, right? And they have a lot of kangaroo meat there.
SPEAKER_03I still guess it all keeps sounding like a joke to me. Yeah. So I looked it up because I didn't want to leave anything to chance. Sure. The term bushmeat refers to raw or minimally processed meat that comes from wild animals in certain regions of the world, including Africa, and may pose a communicable disease. Bushmeat comes from a variety of wild animals, including bats, non-human primates, okay, that's good, cane rats.
SPEAKER_01Oh no.
SPEAKER_03And dweakers, which are like antelopes.
SPEAKER_00Dweakers, okay.
SPEAKER_02How's your dweer?
SPEAKER_00My dweer's swollen.
SPEAKER_02Hey, who put dweaker in my bushmeat?
SPEAKER_00Waiter, waiter. Dweaker? I barely even know her.
SPEAKER_03Oh man, we have completely lost control of this little journey. The hands are off the wheel, and Jesus has thrown himself out into the brambles.
SPEAKER_00Into the bushmeat.
SPEAKER_03Jesus take the wheel. He's like, uh-uh. Not unless you give me a meat.
SPEAKER_00Not in this train wreck.
SPEAKER_03Not unless you give me a meatball sub. Pronto! Oh my gosh, these dogs might chase you even if you recently ate something. So you're at home, okay, you're getting ready to go to the airport, you're going, you're getting, you're doing all the things, right? And you say, you know what? I'm gonna be hungry on this trip. So you fill up a little cone with some bush meat or whatever.
SPEAKER_02And that's on till that's on you, but you it's not in your luggage.
SPEAKER_03The dogs can smell that on it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You got bushmeat in you.
SPEAKER_01Chalk full of dweaker.
SPEAKER_03You sounded like a dweaker there the way you squeaked. Was that you squeaked? Was that you? I thought it was amazing. I thought it was you.
SPEAKER_02What was that squeak from? I don't know.
SPEAKER_03How did you make that noise? It was uncharacteristic. So uh, you know, dogs also have another superpower besides their smell of vision. Okay, which is not actually a thing. That's just what I'm using.
SPEAKER_00Should be a thing.
SPEAKER_03They can hear your heartbeat. Whoa. Maybe they can smell your heartbeat, I don't know, but they can hear it so they know when your stress level is elevated or when you're tense. And this is why dogs are so great and they're such great pets and they're so empathic because they're totally tuned into us, not just because of the bushmeat. So, but if you're like carrying a load of bushmeat and through the airport and you're trying to like, you know, like I don't got any bushmeat, but then you're you feel a little nervous, the dog can sense that. So the dog will might point you out or come running up to you and barking because your your heart rate is elevated. Gotcha. They're like, something's going on with this person.
SPEAKER_01That's so they can like rescue you if you're having a health crisis, right?
SPEAKER_03Right, or take your food away.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03One dog recently sniffed out someone who packed 22 pounds of raw beef and 33 pounds of raw smoked goat beat. Oh. Now I'm thinking, if you got 33 pounds of raw goat meat in your luggage, do you really need a dog that lets you know that? I mean, doesn't everybody know there's somebody packing dweaker on the plane? Like, doesn't everybody like in the freaking airport from the cab drivers all the way to the security? Like, okay, we got dweaker on here. Like goat meat raw? Come on. Come on. That's not Chanel number five. People know what they can, but anyway, yeah. So they had dog, uh, this is one dog caught somebody with a total of 55 pounds of raw meat. A lot of it being goat meat. They say that some people are coming from food insecure countries, so you know that's they're they're not trying to like get one over. They're just like, I don't know what I'm gonna be, what kind of food I'm gonna be able to get. So at least I need something to get me through the first couple of days. Yeah. Well, 33 pounds of goat meat will get you through like probably a month, right? How much goat meat can you suck down in a day?
SPEAKER_01Great question.
SPEAKER_03Now, how are you cooking it? I think goat meat probably is pretty tasty if it's seasoned correctly.
SPEAKER_01I don't know if I've ever had goat meat.
SPEAKER_03Little dweaker burger. So, uh so yeah, so they're coming from food insecure countries, or they're just worried they're not gonna be able to get their normal food.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_03And you know, we can all relate to that. We've all been down that road, especially when we travel. Right. It doesn't matter if you're going to a foreign country or not. You're like, how am I gonna eat? When am I gonna eat again? There was a time, there was a time when they used to give you for free food on the airplane. I know you were not born. It was an ancient time. The planes all had props and everybody wore goggles.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_03But uh yeah, they used to give you free food. I'm not saying it was good, right? But they gave it to you. You didn't have to pay for it. You know, they're not gonna they're gonna make me pay a bunch of money for some crummy airline food. I might as well bring my own stuff on. So, um, so so people are worried about their food, and uh one traveler was caught with an opened and resealed canister marked coffee in like handprint.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03And the the when they caught them, they thought you know it was drugs, right? Right. It was sausage. Oh it was a canister of sausage. So let's talk about some uh other smells that I've noticed at the airport. Okay. So I used to fly around a lot. One time I'm flying. I start smelling corn chips.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03But they're not it's not a good corn chip smell.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03It's bad corn chips.
SPEAKER_01Not like a dog's paws. I always think that they smell like corn chips.
SPEAKER_03Maybe I've never really gone down that road with a dog to smell their paws.
SPEAKER_01We always say that our dogs at nighttime they go and they work at the Juanita's tortilla chip factory, like sorting the chips. That's why they're paused.
SPEAKER_03Man, I would love that. I would love to see dogs sorting sorting them.
SPEAKER_01Yes, hardworking boys.
SPEAKER_03What are they s what are they do what you know, the broken ones?
SPEAKER_01They take the broken ones and eat them.
SPEAKER_03Oh, they only eat the broken ones. Now that's a disciplined pup.
SPEAKER_01Well, they break some of them.
SPEAKER_03The dogs. Oh, darn, another broken one. Why are these all breaking? Crunch, crunch, crunch, rolling into them. So yeah, I'm smelling these corn chips. It's not a good smell. It's not little puppy feet.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03Sorting chips.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And I'm like, where what is this? And I can't figure out where it's coming from because nothing, no food has been served. Sure. And it's like, what is this? And I'm looking around. And you know how where you're my seat was on the window, and you know how there's like a little crack, and then there's you can kind of see back behind you to the next person.
SPEAKER_01Oh no, I don't like where this is going.
SPEAKER_03So I look back and their foot is right up there on the crack. Like, so basically it's encroaching in my space. Yeah. It has no sock on this foot. Gross. It's a naked foot. No. And it smells like chips. And there is something like I can put up with a lot, but I couldn't do it.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_03And I said, I'm sorry, but you gotta put that foot away.
SPEAKER_01Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_03And by the way, this is a whole thing now with people taking off their shoes. When did this become okay on an airplane? We're in a closed tube.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So keep your dweaker feet locked up. Like your feet don't smell good.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_03None of our feet smell good.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_03Why would you think it's okay to open up your toes?
SPEAKER_01And put them right next to your face?
SPEAKER_03This yeah, it was bad. No. This really happened. I'm not making this up. So one time a guy took off his shoes and socks, started clipping his toenails. Oh no. And the toenails were like ricking ricocheting around in the fuselage. Like when did at some point, I know we've gotten a lot more casual. I know you can wear sweatpants to church now. I get it. Okay. You can go out to a theater on Broadway now and you can show up in a bathing suit and it's okay. But when did it become okay you're in a closed space to rip off your socks and say toes do your thing? It's not good, right?
SPEAKER_01It's not good.
SPEAKER_03I don't like it. It's bad. Corn chip feet. Then the other thing that kills me on planes, this kills me, and I don't know what to do about it because it's so freaking surreptitious. Are the cheese cutters?
SPEAKER_01Cheese cutters. Yeah, they're blowing cheese. I get you. Yeah. I was thinking of actual cheese.
SPEAKER_03No, I wish.
SPEAKER_01Is there like some charcuterie board on a plane?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like a little gouda experience, a little eat them, little little uh blue cheese surprise. No, this these are people cutting loose with all their might. And they're just lighting it up right and left, and nobody can like they just everybody, you know, I not me. Right. It's gross. Yeah. Again, you're in a closed space.
SPEAKER_01There's a bathroom.
SPEAKER_03There's a bathroom. And by the way, like, come on.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Like, do a cleanse before you get on. Like, don't this isn't a time for colon cleanse on this three-hour flight, and I gotta like sometimes you can't even breathe.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And there's nothing you can do about it.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03Because you don't know where it's coming from. I have been known to say, I can smell that whoever it is. Because a lot of times when you're doing that, you think, well, nobody knows. Nobody's gonna notice. Nobody's gonna notice. I'm it's I'm um, you know, I'm titrating this, I'm letting it out slowly. It's like, no, this is killing everyone. We're all gonna die. I once uh had somebody do uh nail polish. Again, that's a strong smell on a closed space in a closed space. It's devastating. It like will knock you out. And it's just it's like wow. And then I was talking about the food, and now people bring on their food. Now, here, explain this to me. Okay, because I don't get this. I get the wanting to bring on food, sure, or wanting to eat.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03But what I don't get is so people buy whatever, there's usually it's hamburgers or pizza or Chinese or something, some kind of food that they sell at airports. They have it in a bag. They will sit waiting to get on the plane for 45 minutes with that bag of food. Not eat it. Not eat it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03They get on the plane, then they take it out. Right. When it's it's got its maximum smell potential.
SPEAKER_01Yes, it's been building up for 45 minutes.
SPEAKER_03And so it stinks up everything. And by the way, that greasy, fatty food that they sell at the airports that we all love, sign me up for it. Right. But when it's been marinating in its own grease molecules for a while, it's like doesn't smell good. No. It smells like a sour experience at Jiffy Lube or something. It's gross. So my question to you, being a student of the human condition, what why are we uh waiting to bring our food on?
SPEAKER_01I don't understand that at all. Unless it's like, you know, like flying to Australia, right? Where it's like a super duper long flight. But otherwise, I always like compulsively, like I'll go to the bathroom like ten times just to make sure a hundred percent that I'm not gonna have to pee on the airplane. I'll eat my food before. You could the only acceptable food to bring on like a short flight is maybe like a protein bar or something.
SPEAKER_03Or your almond bag.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, my almond sack.
SPEAKER_03Almonds don't stink.
SPEAKER_01No, something small and not smelly.
SPEAKER_03I cannot smell an almond sack.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03That doesn't smell.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So yeah. So I I know there's a thing. The only thing I've been able to think of about it is that it's fun. It's like eating in front of the TV.
SPEAKER_01I hate eating on an airplane. It's that flimsy tray.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and then people are all over you.
SPEAKER_01It's not like you're watching anything. Like I guess you can sometimes you have TVs on there, but if it's short flight, you don't usually, so it's like you're staring at the back of someone's chair and eating on this flimsy tray, and it's so small that your food's gonna spill to one side. I just don't get the allure.
SPEAKER_03I get I get the fun of if you get food on the plane and you wanna watch TV. I get that everybody likes to watch and eat, or a lot of people do. I get that part, but the saving of the food till it's cold and gross, yeah, just so you can then open it up, because they usually open up right away. It's like I'm on the plane now, open it up.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And so it's like, why would you wait? There's something we're not understanding about this. I need to ask the next time I see somebody do this. Like, how come you didn't eat this while you were waiting?
SPEAKER_01Why are you like this?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01Why are you the way that you are?
SPEAKER_03I just want to know why.
SPEAKER_01I just need a reason.
SPEAKER_03How presumptuous is that? I'd probably get punched. But I am curious. Again, you can write into us and explain it because you know, I love enough of us do that. And most of the other things we do on the airplane, I understand. Like the um the uh neck pillows and the bed pillows and people walking on in their pajamas and the blankets, their blankets from their bed. It looks like they just carried their bed with them, like that's their stuff, and uh, you know, all the things. And I am all about the food, so I'm not judging you because of that. I'm just saying, like, why wouldn't you just eat it when it's warm out there where you have a lot more freedom of how you eat and and then and then on the plane where you can load up on whatever they're selling too if you want, sure. But anyway, that that smell is bad, but there was a time again before you were born, uh-huh. But not too much before. Uh, because you're no spring chicken. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. But there was a time when you could smoke on the plane.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03Talk about smells. Yeah. Holy crud. Right. So the way that worked is it usually on a regular full-size plane, rows one to sixteen were non-smoking. Well, that's not actually true. If it had a first class section, the back row of first class was smoking. Oh, okay. And then you'd have the all the like rows six through sixteen non-smoking. 17 to the back of the plane smoking. So you're just in a smoke tube. Exactly. It's like the whole idea of having a section when you're in a closed tube. Yeah. Is completely ridiculous, right? The whole thing smelled like smoke. Yeah. So you would just be bathed in smoke uh for the entire flight. And of course, people with on the plane, they would smoke it up because it's, you know, where else do you? I mean, that's exactly the place you want to smoke, is riding in a plane and claustrophobic situation. I might as well smoke it up and bring some comfort into my life. I get the need to smoke, but it was horrible.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So, yeah, so people would smoke them up and you would be in row 16, non-smoking, the row right behind you, 17, smoking. You're you're in the whole thing as smoking. You would smell like smoke, you'd be doing all the secondhand smoke, you'd be addicted to the smoke, you'd like the smoke. Uh, so uh they finally realized that they were putting everyone's health at risk. Also, lighting fires on a plane, even if they're small little fires, pulling out matches and stuff. It's not the greatest thing.
SPEAKER_01Uh in Utah, at the airport there, they have a smoking lounge.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you can smoke in the airport, they have a place to smoke. Yeah, and they also have a place where your dogs can poop. I've seen they do have an area, but they're very pet friendly here, very dog friendly. So there's an area where your dog can go and smoke.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_03I've seen dogs lighting up cigars, those tiparillas. Yep.
SPEAKER_01The beagles have to take a break at some point.
SPEAKER_03Those beagles are smoking bastards. Those little bastards are smoking them up, and then they go out and snip out some goat meat and they've had a day. They've had a freaking day. Well, Jamie, thank you so much for joining me for this important episode.
SPEAKER_01Pleasure as always.
SPEAKER_03Thank you, everyone, for joining us. If you like what we're doing, we are excited about that, and we would love you to help us. We'd really appreciate it if you would share the show, tell people about us. That's really the best way for us to grow. We are unsponsored, and so we rely on you, our listening audience, to help us grow our community. That really means a lot if you can help us. As I said, if you can rate the show on an app that allows ratings, if you give us the highest rating and you give us a glowing review, just tell people what you like about the show. Um, it will help us grow as well. We're also on Patreon. That's a way, if you're feeling a smattering of large S, you can send a small contribution our way every month. That is greatly appreciated because we're doing this all on our own. And we hope you will tune in to another episode because whether dogs are chasing you down because you are experimenting with a goat meat cologne. Or just someone sucking on a Dweaker burger. It's important to remember that we all smell like humans and maybe a little bush meat. Goodbye, everybody.