Smells Like Humans
Top 5% global podcast! Smells Like Humans is a seasonal podcast dedicated to bringing a humorous perspective to quirky and curious aspects of human behavior. Each show, the SLH crew will focus on a different topic, and share personal stories and observations in a way that sounds like you’re hanging out with your funny friends. The stories and commentary are presented with humor and warmth, since let’s face it: we all smell like humans. (Contact us: contactSLH19581980@gmail.com)
Smells Like Humans
THE URGE TO SPLURGE
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Madeline joins Ross to discuss the psychology of "splurging" as an act of self-care. Tangents include: personal submarines; disco nannies; extra kitchens; Jonas and his buttercreams; the curse of being a billionaire.
Notes:
- https://www.moneygeek.com/financial-planning/psychology-of-treat-yourself/
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mental-wealth/202208/why-we-often-overspend-while-treating-ourselves
Contact us: contactSLH19581980@gmail.com
Yeah, so I have no sympathy for billionaires, Ross. I'm sorry that they're sad and they can't dry their tears with their money.
SPEAKER_00Yes, there it is. Welcome to another episode of Smells Like Humans. This is the podcast where we explore the curious things that people do, the very human things that grab our attention and cause us to wonder what and why. I'm Ross, your host, and today's guest is Charming, Witty, and an all-around hamster cage of delight. It's Madeline.
SPEAKER_03Hello, thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_00Hi Madeline, and welcome and welcome everyone to the show. Thanks so much for listening. We appreciate you showing up every week and seeing what topic we're covering. And we appreciate all the support you can give us. We are an independent podcasting group, and that means we depend on you to help us. Also, if you can give us this is a new incentive, Madeline.
SPEAKER_03Ooh, I love new incentives.
SPEAKER_00If you can give us, if you feel like it's in you to give us a five-star rating and a review on some place where you can review us, like Apple or iTunes or whatever, or wherever you can write a review, if you would do that, we likely will read it on one of our upcoming episodes. Because that would be fun. Also, we really do love hearing from you. And if you want to write to us, you can chat with us on Instagram. We all we always respond. We always respond. And we also have uh a Gmail account, which I never remember what it is, but it is in the show notes, so you can just click on that or paste it into your browser and uh get to us that way. For example, Jonas in the UK. Oh, I'm sorry, Jonas.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00You can say it however you want. I don't know how Jonas would pronounce it, but I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_03I guess I don't know where in the UK, Jonas. That's pretty wide. It could be a Jonas.
SPEAKER_00I don't want to like isolate him to a city because then people might look him up. That's true. So so somewhere in the UK.
SPEAKER_03Somewhere in the UK, there's someone named Jonas.
SPEAKER_00There's someone named Jonas, and I'm not making quote marks. He contacted us on Instagram and was a is a fan, hopefully still is a fan. And he wanted to send us candy.
SPEAKER_03Oh my gosh, I love candy.
SPEAKER_00I know. Well, here's what happened. I thought, well, that seems like a hassle. You know, picking out the candy, paying for it, and then shipping it all the way here. What's that gonna cost? A million dollars? Right. So I in the moment I said, that's very nice. We appreciate it, but why don't you randomly surprise someone in your neighborhood with something candy?
SPEAKER_03Nice. And tell them it's from us. Well, no, it would be from Jonas. It would be from Jonas, okay, okay. In the UK But tell them to listen to this podcast. No, I didn't even tell them that.
SPEAKER_00I just said, tell you know, just surprise somebody with candy.
SPEAKER_03I love it.
SPEAKER_00And um after I think I told Jamie or Amy that also on the show, and they said, Are you out? Do you have a hole in your brain sack? Like someone wants to send you candy and you turned it down. Anyone sending candy, you take the candy.
SPEAKER_03That's true, though. That is true.
SPEAKER_00Like just get a hold of your get a hold of your clown cap, Mr. Podcast. Well, I didn't do that. So um I said, Jonas, if you if you do this, if you surprise somebody with candy, then a random person, then we will talk about it on the show. And he did that. Uh-huh. And he said, You know, I didn't want to approach a child with candy.
SPEAKER_03That's smart. Good job, Jonas.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because that's yeah, that doesn't work.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no.
SPEAKER_00And so he settled for an old woman. Aww. Well, uh. He got he gave her licorice and butter creams.
SPEAKER_03Ooh, that sounds lovely. I don't know.
SPEAKER_00But she he said she seemed happy.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00But I think she was freaked out that a 25-year-old gave her candy. I'm betting she was thrilled that a 25-year-old was talking to her. So good on you, Jonas, for bringing a little happiness.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, Jonas, thank you for sharing joy.
SPEAKER_00Or fear to a stranger's life. Uh, let that be an example for the rest of us. Yes. Madeline, have you brought any fear into anyone's life lately?
SPEAKER_03Fear and joy. Um just fear. Just fear? Just fear.
SPEAKER_00Have you scared anybody lately? Have you done anything? Well. Have you done a random act of kindness that scared somebody?
SPEAKER_03A random act of terror? We just that sounds bad. We just decorated the outside of our house for Halloween. So I'm hoping that I'm scaring some people. There's lots of cobwebs. I have a bunch of those um skeleton like limbs and stuff with stakes on the end of them. So you stake them into their your yard and the limbs are coming out of your yard. Oh, it's great.
SPEAKER_00I love that. Um, that's really cool. We know that humans like to splurge on stuff. Humans like to treat themselves when they can. In fact, I am going to argue today that it's a universal feeling to, you know, do something nice for yourself. Yeah. Even if it's just a small thing. Even if it's just a buttercream.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I'm not sure what that is.
SPEAKER_03I'm not 100% sure either, but it sounds delicious. It sounds better than a licorice. Yeah, I think the licorice is because it's that's not like red vines like we have in the US. I mean, I think Jonas is probably talking about proper all sorts with like proper anise licorice in them, which I do not care for. My black licorice.
SPEAKER_00It could be a punishment.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh but saying yes to treating ourselves a little nicer is something we do or at least want to do.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Have you ever splurged on anything?
SPEAKER_03I have. I I I like the the treat yourself to uh quote Parkson Rec, the treat yourself mentality.
SPEAKER_00Okay, well, okay.
SPEAKER_03So talk about uh Well this morning I splurged splurge. It's a fun word, splurge. It sounds like it should be an onomatopoeia, but it isn't. Splurge. Um this morning.
SPEAKER_00It's also it's it's quasi like gross.
SPEAKER_03Like a little when you think of it that way, it is a little gross. Splurge. Uh get ready for the splurge. Uh this morning I splurged. Uh on my way here. I I went and got a coffee and I went, I want a large coffee. I didn't even look at what the actual sizes were before I got the coffee. It was a 24-ounce sized coffee.
SPEAKER_00You came in here with a five-gallon bucket.
SPEAKER_03Basically. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um but that's a great example of a splurge. I think coffee drinks are a way that people will act on their urge to splurge.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I love that. The urge to splurge.
SPEAKER_00It's the urge to splurge because it's it's it's spending a little extra.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00So it's definitely like something you don't need.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00And you got a giant size of that. What is it?
SPEAKER_03It's huge. This is just an oat milk vanilla latte iced.
SPEAKER_00Oh. Yeah. Wow.
SPEAKER_03Which I could make at home, but someone else made it for me and put it in a giant bucket and handed it to me.
SPEAKER_00That's part of it though. It's like it's a little extra. And if you thought about like how much it costs and how if you do this, let's say you do this once a week.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00You know, and if you you add it all up, you go, oh, I could put a kid through college.
SPEAKER_03And it's like, oh my god, the millennials in their avocado toast. We're we're ruining the world with avocado toast. I can't buy a house because I eat avocados.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, something. I mean, you can do that, but I mean, the life is, you know, challenging. And sometimes we just need to do a little nice thing for ourselves. So I think it's pretty universal. Um, you ever hear of retail therapy? Oh yeah. So, I mean, is that something you would do?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I mean, I when I was a kid, one of the the big like family activities we would do would be to drive up to the the city that was like an hour and a half north of us. Um, because we lived in a a real like a small college town, so not tiny but small. Yeah. Uh and they had a big mall, and we'd just we wouldn't even buy that much stuff, but just being in the mall and wandering around and looking at things, and you know, you get a pretzel, and that's exciting, and try on a bunch of clothes and you get a couple things.
SPEAKER_00Annie's pretzels. Annie's pretzels. Or a Cinnabon.
SPEAKER_03Cinnabon. Talking about the size of your head, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I know. You eat a Cinnabon, you have to go to sleep for six hours.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, yeah, a retail therapy, as I understand it, doesn't you don't necessarily even have to buy that much. Right. It's just the shopping and the looking. Yeah. Maybe buying a Cinnabon and maybe buy a small thing here and there.
SPEAKER_03And it's things you don't need. It's not right, it's not at least not actively. It's not, I have to run this errand. It's I'm gonna enjoy taking the time to look around and consider these objects and do I want any of them.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's not like you're you're buying a pound of cabbage for this stew you need to make.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00No, you're doing something nice. So the way I'm def defining this, which I think is pretty reasonable. Spending money on something you don't really need, but gives you some joy, at least in the moment.
SPEAKER_03I've got a good story about this.
SPEAKER_00Oh, we'll jump in, Matt.
SPEAKER_03Every year, because one of the things as discussed earlier in this episode, and you thought that this topic was done, but it's not, one of the things that gives me great joy is the holiday of Halloween. I adore it very much. So every year I set myself a budget of about $100. So there is a budget involved, so it's not just like pure go crazy. And I do try to go when there's, you know, sales and coupons and things. Joanne's has a bunch of great coupons and stuff, but I set myself this budget and I just go hogwild on decorations that I don't need. And they're there are things that are a lot of them will keep year to year, right? So every year my stash gets bigger and bigger. Uh and it's just these, it's just nonsense, you know, cobwebs and gravestones and what have you. Um, I it brings me so much joy, Ross. I love it so much.
SPEAKER_00I am with you. It's my always been my favorite so-called Holly. It's like a pseudo-holiday. Yeah. We did a Halloween episode last year that I would have replayed because uh the show will the Halloween show is gonna drop on October 30th.
SPEAKER_02Nice.
SPEAKER_00Which is uh poignant?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Is it that's good? It's like it's like Halloween Halloween Eve, all Halloween's Eve Eve.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so I'm gonna re re-release it because it talks about my joy and the things that all the things I've done to splurge on Halloween because I just think it's so fun. It's so fun to make it fun for other people.
SPEAKER_03Yes, and I love my whole front yard, right? Like I was saying, it's got all this decor. I'm so excited for kids to get to to come up the driveway and see all the decorated spooky decorations and come get the candy.
SPEAKER_00I like creating an event for children to get them excited, but I also like to scare grown people.
SPEAKER_03Yes. Oh, delightful.
SPEAKER_00That's also fun. But yeah, so I I assume you're okay with people splurging. Yeah. That's you're not against it.
SPEAKER_03No, I'm pro-splurging.
SPEAKER_00You don't look down on somebody if they say, Well, you know, I I have an extra dollar and a couple bucks in my pocket. I'm gonna get a five-gallon bucket of latte.
SPEAKER_03Go treat yourself.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so it turns out when we do this, there's a psychological reason, and that is we're under stress, yeah, or we feel sad, or we're feel down, or we we just need to do something for ourselves. Sometimes it's a loss of control we're feeling, and it's just a way to like assert ourselves back into the world and say, uh, I can do something for myself that feels good. So um they commonly, when they talk to people who who are splurgers, it's it's uh what they usually hear is some sort of explanation that essentially reduces to some sort of escape from the moment. Like I just I'm having a hard day. I deserve a five-gallon bucket.
SPEAKER_03It's like emotional regulation, right? Yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So it's normal to be to splurge once in a while.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Or even every day, you know, depending on how you do it.
SPEAKER_03Right. Depending on how big the splurge is, depending on your urge to splurge, depending on your urge to splurge. Right.
SPEAKER_00I think it's an act of self-care. It's hardwired. I think it's hardwired into our DNA. I think ancient people they understood that you need to take care of yourself.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00The people that weren't like splurging, the cave people that weren't splurging, they didn't make it.
SPEAKER_03No, that's natural selection, baby.
SPEAKER_00So when grog puts another log on the fire. Right. Grog's log. Grog's log is on the fire. Grog didn't really need that extra log. No. But they just felt like, you know, it just like to feel a little warmer. It just would be nice.
SPEAKER_03Grog deserves that.
SPEAKER_00And and so grog didn't freeze that night. And grog's jeans get passed on. So good on you, grog. He didn't need that extra log, but he just wanted to treat himself to an extra bit of heat.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I think that we could, I I really like, I think you're on to something here. I think we could rename societally the urge to splurge as the grog's log theorem.
SPEAKER_00I I I think it's I think it's in competition. You know, I think it's there. I think it's, you know, it's it's definitely something to consider. I've splurged, I'm a big splurger. I have splurge. My splurge is all over. I love it. One, I'm a hedonist.
SPEAKER_03I mean that is great.
SPEAKER_00Second, I have impulse control issues, which may be redundant.
SPEAKER_03The combination of those two. Yes.
SPEAKER_00And I my philosophy is very simple, and I've said this many times on this podcast, and the many, many people who I've talked to over time who are wrestling with their life, and I always say, when you have a choice between doing something fun and doing something not fun, do the fun thing.
SPEAKER_03I agree.
SPEAKER_00Just do the fun thing. You won't regret it. So I probably splurge every day.
SPEAKER_02I love that.
SPEAKER_00Somehow, some way.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, here are just some examples ordering food like from a delivery place. That's one of my favorites. Weekly splurges.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I have a few favorite places, depending on what kind of food I'm in the mood for. Like sometimes I'm in the mood for a big hunk of Chinese food, and I will split it's expensive.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I could make it myself or I could drive to the restaurant or be cheaper.
SPEAKER_03Get it yourself, yeah.
SPEAKER_00But it's just nice.
SPEAKER_03Like somebody brings it in air and it's warm and it's ready and you can just eat it.
SPEAKER_00You go. You go. Yeah. And you murder that Chinese person. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_03I'm shoveling.
SPEAKER_00So that's an example. I'm a big splurger on local art and in many forms.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00In many forms. Also, I've been known to splurge on vacations where it's like just a little extra.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. It's like if I'm going anyway, I might as well have the best experience.
SPEAKER_00The splurge is relative, you know. Yeah. And it's relative to your situation. Yes, what you can afford. There can be little splurge. Yeah. Little splurges. Wow, it's hard to say.
SPEAKER_04Little splurges.
SPEAKER_00Little splurges. Walking down the street. Um, so uh a little splurge. I they're they're wearing like pointed hats in my head.
SPEAKER_03Oh, they absolutely are like the dunce, like the conical.
SPEAKER_00They're conical, but they're not dunts.
SPEAKER_03Okay, okay. Maybe that maybe there's a little uh no, I like well, I like a long pointy hat. I think longer pointy hat. Red though. I think red. Okay.
SPEAKER_00I'll go with red. So that fancy coffee, that's an example. Maybe just like a candy bar.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Well, like you said, it's about kind of the the self-care, the self-soothe, and and releasing from stress, right? And so I think that the element of staying within your your situational, you know, what do you have to spend on your splurge? What is uh I think that there's a scale of like at what point does it stop being a splurge that relieves stress and when does it add more stress, right?
SPEAKER_00If you're blowing your rent money at the dog track, that's not a splurge. That's a problem.
SPEAKER_03Exactly.
SPEAKER_00So we're we're gonna I'm just gonna eliminate that from this discussion because that's not the conversation. We've crossed the line at that point.
SPEAKER_03We're beyond the Rubicon.
SPEAKER_00Yes, the Rubicon.
SPEAKER_03Rubicon.
SPEAKER_00The Rubicon. So another example would be let's say you walk to work every day, and one day you just say, you know what, it's kind of crummy weather. I'm gonna I'm gonna buy a bus. I'm gonna buy a bus ride. Yeah, I'm gonna go buy a bus and go to the dog track. It's okay, it's a splurge. Uh no, so you get you take the bus. Yeah. It could be that simple. For you, that's a splurge.
SPEAKER_04Right, right.
SPEAKER_00Um you know, if you have more, you might do something bigger. So I have two thoughts that I want your opinion on. Two thoughts.
SPEAKER_03I'm ready.
SPEAKER_00This is where we might get into an argument. No, I don't think so. But here are the two thoughts.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00Thought number one. Yes. No matter, and I foreshadow this, but no matter how rich or poor you are, the urge to splurge is universal.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00We're all the same basically when it comes to the urge to splurge. What is different is the means we have to do that. And second point.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It only takes a little extra money in our pocket before we start doing stupid things with it. And I'm not saying that's bad.
SPEAKER_03No, no, it's yeah.
SPEAKER_00I think it's actually a good thing because we are, again, I think we're wired to be pleasure seekers. Right. And pleasure seekers survive uh for obvious reasons, and the more money you have, the more ability you have to do something a little more extravagant. Sure. But I have noticed, I wonder if you have noticed that when people who have more disposal income, they tend to splurge on junk that most of us wouldn't really think of.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And sometimes it seems a little stupid.
SPEAKER_03How many yachts do you need?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Here's a couple of examples that caught my attention.
SPEAKER_03I'm ready.
SPEAKER_00But first, did uh do you accept the idea?
SPEAKER_03I accept your theorem.
SPEAKER_00Urse a splurge is universal, and it only takes a little extra money before we it's no longer that coffee, now it's something else.
SPEAKER_03Right. I accept this.
SPEAKER_00Okay. So far, so good. So here's a here's some examples that caught my attention of splurges where I went, mmm.
SPEAKER_03Is this still a splurge or is this okay?
SPEAKER_00This is a new this is a a a fairly new thing. Personal, personal submarines.
SPEAKER_03What?
SPEAKER_00What? Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Why?
unknownWhy?
SPEAKER_00Personal submarines. Why? We all live in a personal submarine. Okay, so uh if you have a couple million, two to four million in your pocket, a little extra, you can get a god, I hate capitalism. You can get a lot of coffee. I knew this was gonna work you up. But guess what? You don't have to have that much. You can cheap out and get one for only a million. Oh, wow. That one doesn't require a professional operator, uh-huh. Which is bad in my view.
SPEAKER_03That's terrifying.
SPEAKER_00Or they're selling shared ownership for 150,000.
SPEAKER_03A timeshare personal submarine. Yes.
SPEAKER_00Uh reading from this article, there was this quote where this person says, You have a cocktail and put on your music and go down a few thousand feet and have a blast.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, just get drunk under the sea without a professional offer.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. To me, that sounds like a death trap.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh of course, I have claustrophobia. I've talked about that on the show.
SPEAKER_03That would not be good for you.
SPEAKER_00There's no bathrooms.
unknownWhy?
SPEAKER_00And a personal submarine. So you might want to think about the how many cocktails you're sucking down. And uh also people have been known to have panic attacks in long term because these submarines are really tiny. Oh my god. When I hear I hear about that, and my first reaction is, oh, you gotta be kidding me.
SPEAKER_03Global warming and world hunger are solvable problems. I'm losing my mind, Ross.
SPEAKER_00Yes, I'm this is why you're on this episode.
SPEAKER_01That's not a splurge. That's that's that's irresponsible, ridiculous. I can't even I don't even have words.
SPEAKER_00I gotta tell you, you couldn't get me in one of these things. No, no, especially without a professional operator, because all you need is something.
SPEAKER_04Oh, Christ.
SPEAKER_00Do you ever have like your computer not work the way you want it to? Yeah. Well, what if your submarine starts like the lights start blinking and then then it just says uh uh done. Yeah, it's like a bunch of dots, and then it says something like, um, what is it normal? What's an error thing that you get on your computer? 404 if the error code, it's like something out of uh the first Jurassic Park movie, and you're just like, uh oh.
SPEAKER_03Oh Jesus, the submarine's just like, I can't do that, Dave.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So then you're just floating, and then a shark is in the.
SPEAKER_03You can't just turn a submarine off and back on again.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you just reboot that.
unknownReboot it.
SPEAKER_00Uh hold your breath for a sec.
SPEAKER_03Is a submarine plugged in?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Maybe that's your problem. Yes, your submarine plugged in. So that was one that caught my attention. Here's one that I had to read. I had to read the I had the read. No, I don't I don't know.
SPEAKER_03We'll find out.
SPEAKER_00I don't know. I knew the first one was gonna get you.
SPEAKER_03Just yeah.
SPEAKER_00This one, I don't know how you're gonna feel. Disco nannies. What? Disco nannies. This was the title of the article I was reading. So, what's happening right now is younger parents want to party. They want to party, even though they got kids. Right. So, in the old days, like when I had little kids, you would hire a babysitter, you would go out to maybe midnight and come home and that's it.
SPEAKER_03I mean I still babysit for people. That's like still a thing that happens.
SPEAKER_00Do they ask you to do it or are you just showing up randomly? No, they ask.
SPEAKER_03It's a thing I do in my free time sometimes.
SPEAKER_00Because I was that was that would be one of those fear things. That's a little weird. That would be one of those things that you could scare people if you show up and say I'm the baby. I'm ready to babysit. Well but we didn't call a babysitter. That's okay.
SPEAKER_03But the babysitter signal spoke to me we don't have a baby.
SPEAKER_00Well it's okay I brought my own. Uh-huh oh my god scary yeah anyway uh uh let's move on Madeline gets nervous new horror movie the baby new topic so disco nanny so now what people want to do apparently people again people with extra money they want to stay out all night and know their kids are okay and sometimes into the morning they want to live like they lived when they were in their teens or early 20s. I didn't do that then well I know but these people want to do it and they want to be able to drink all they want they want to be able to party they want to be able to have sex on top of the bar. I don't know what they're doing.
SPEAKER_03This is all so foreign to me.
SPEAKER_00And now there are agencies especially in Europe who are catering to this need in certain hot spots.
SPEAKER_03Oh my gosh so they can go to the discotheque.
SPEAKER_00You go to Monte Carlo you know you don't want to come back to your hotel room because your kid is there at 11 o'clock. That's just right everything's heating up you know you want to get down man. Right. So you can hire these people who will stay all night and they will even stay in the morning. You can pay extra for like hangover protection. Oh my gosh. So they will like wake up with your kids and get them breakfast and take care of them until you can like open your eyeballs and be trusted with children again. Yeah stop throwing up and then you can you know remember your name.
SPEAKER_03So I just thought well that's this one feels like I mean it's it's hilarious but it does feel like a more reasonable splurge to me because if you break it down right it's the desire of like I'm a parent I have this part of my life that I can't really realistically have every day anymore and I want to treat myself to it for a stress relief thing which is the like the splurge thing right and I think there's versions of it like this is a funny version of it and not to say that you shouldn't do this version of it if it's available to you but there's also just like my parents took a second honeymoon when I was really little and I stayed with my grandma for a week right like that's technically the same kind of thing.
SPEAKER_00Kind of yeah it's it's a little it's a little different my grandma the disco nanny yeah disco grandma so disco grandma. I um for me it's it's interesting because when my kids were little this would not have occurred to me but we did use babysitters um we did like if we went to like Disney World there would be like hey leave your kid at this fun place while you go and have an adult time at Adult Disney or whatever it used to be called Adult Disney. There was like it was called late night Disney okay Disney World had this. Okay okay so I don't know if you've ever been to Florida where they have this but they had like a thing where they had nightclubs and restaurants and you I don't know I don't know if it's there anymore.
SPEAKER_03But it used to be a thing. Okay. Okay.
SPEAKER_00So you could leave your kids and they would be entertained and I've been to places where you know you can drop your kids um you IKEA has usually that like play place area where you abandon your children while you wander IKEA and imagine that you live in a very clean apartment in Sweden. Yes. Now when we would do that the kids would come back a little wonky. They would like have like a twitch and stuff. Right right that kids didn't like even when we left them with grandma and we went like on a trip right for several days like their parents we'd come back and the kid would be like I'm fine and they'd be like chewing on a block of wood and be like what's going on with why are you chewing wood? I don't know. I'm fine this is fine. So I I don't know but we I will tell you that even though we did do those things here and there it this would not have occurred to us because yeah I I felt like those days were past.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Once you have kids I kind of feel like I'm not really that person anymore.
SPEAKER_03There is an element of I'm not trying to be man this is gonna sound so judgy.
SPEAKER_00Just be judgmental.
SPEAKER_03I feel like in an ideal world people who decide to have kids are having them because they want and are ready for that to be their primary um for to to put their kids health and wellbeing and happiness first, right? And that kind of means that situations like this are not as at least not prevalent. I don't know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. But but other than that, yeah I agree with you it's not there's nothing particularly bad about it. But it did stick out to me as hmm that's an interesting way and the name is great. Here's one.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00This is the last example I read about recently and I did a kind of a double take one of those cartoon yeah so it was like okay so it's the pretty kitchen and the messy kitchen.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00So people are building homes that have the pretty kitchen which is the kitchen that you show off with all the gleaming appliances and expensive like a showroom kitchen. And then you have the messy kitchen so you do have two kitchens the messy kitchen is where you actually do the food preparation okay but you don't want to mess up your showy kitchen. Uh huh. So you have to have two kitchens my eyes are the size of dinner plates a front kitchen and a back kitchen a kitchen for the kitchen is how it's described now to me I I gotta tell you this sounds stupid.
SPEAKER_03This sounds crazy.
SPEAKER_00First of all what a colossal waste of dough yeah but they they want these they want they don't want people who are if you're an entertaining guests right they don't want them to see it's like a restaurant like they don't want to see what's going on I don't want to see this lift sausage being made literally yeah but my experience is uh when I used to have a house or even when I don't just even in my apartment it's like when people come over they go and you girl always in the kitchen is the heart of the house. They don't want to be anywhere else. You've set out you've cleaned and you put nice pillows no they're gonna hang in the kitchen. Yeah they just want to come in the kitchen they want to if see if there's any food they can snack on they want to chat and they want to watch you.
SPEAKER_03Well I've read one like socio I don't know what field exactly but theory that the the cooking of food is one of the things that makes humans human. Like the fact that we instead of just eating whatever will give us sustenance right we take the time to prepare it in a way that brings us joy. Like that's somewhat hedonistic right like it's it's about the pleasure of it. Right. And that that's one of the things that makes us human. And I think that there is something so I don't know inherently human and magical and caring and caretaking about sharing food with people including sometimes and often sharing the preparation of food with people.
SPEAKER_00We like to see the goat be prepared. No I've I've used to do a lot of uh entertaining when I had a house I'd have people over and I would cook and I couldn't keep them out of the kitchen so I just gave up I realized and not only that but people all want to even be c if I'm at the stove they want to be right there. They want to look at watch and can I taste that and oh what are you doing? And sometimes it would like crowd me out a little bit right okay give me some breathing room back up and that's when I go to the go to the auxiliary kitchen. I need a minute well I would have like people crowding and then there would be I had a couple of dogs and they'd be like hey you want to drop you got scraps you got scraps you got scraps you got scraps yeah so it was like okay everybody you have to observe the Rubicon so when I hear about these examples especially that last one or the personal submarine yeah it's really tempting to say stupid rich people or ridiculous rich people would you agree it's kind of tempting like okay you're just being ridiculous and and really obnoxious almost but my contention is this okay I've got two contentions coming up I'm ready not sure you're gonna like them okay contention number one is they're actually doing the same thing that you did when you bought that coffee. They just have more they just have more so for them a splurge has to be something beyond what they would normally do to register as a splurge. Just buying if you got dough you got sacks of dough all around your house like plastic bags full filled with money it's comically huge. Yeah it's huge and they all have dollar signs on them. You're Scrooge McDuck if you're just if you're at the coffee shop spending an extra couple of dollars on a fancy coffee I mean it's not gonna it's not gonna hit your splurge bone oh my god so if you want to hit your splurge bone you gotta do if you have more you've got to do something a little more outside the ordinary but my contention is we're all just trying to feel better. Yeah even though it's probably gonna be temporary like if you get excited about this this back kitchen this second kitchen if you get really excited about that and it brings you some joy at some point that's gonna wear off yeah just like the coffee is going to be like this coffee I'm throwing it out it's not good anymore. But probably during the construction and during the first few times you show it off to your friends it's probably really cool and you feel good. But after a while you're like what the hell are we why do I have a second kitchen? And you put a you put an exercise bike in there or you turn it into a dog room or something.
SPEAKER_03Yeah you know that's the dog kitchen. That's where the dogs cook and play dog poker.
SPEAKER_00That's really dogs do play poker. I've seen the pictures yeah so but my contention is it's the same motivation it just has to be more extreme. We're all trying to feel a little better because even people with money feel like crap yeah from time to time. They feel sad they feel stressed they feel depressed and so they also want to do this self-care it just is a different scale.
SPEAKER_03I kind of I don't exactly disagree with any of that but I have two I have two contentions to your contention. Yes one of them is that I don't think splurges necessarily have to be expensive. That's true. I think that it's something it's about getting something out of the ordinary that you wouldn't usually get right like your example of taking the bus if you usually walk.
SPEAKER_00Agreed.
SPEAKER_03And so in that sense I mean if you're a rich person who is always on a fancy diet that you have a personal chef who comes in and makes you stuff all the time maybe your splurge is going to Applebee's because you really like the wings and you you know that's it's just a particular thing that you don't get anywhere else, right? Like it doesn't have to be a personal submarine. Um that's contention one contention two is just about the the morality and ethics of living in a world where people can have that much more than someone else. So it's a little it's just a little bit more of a like maybe I agree with your theorem but I don't think that the world should be that way.
SPEAKER_00Right. Well keep your pitchfork handy. I'm right it's it's always right I always have the pitchfork ready I know well there's you're gonna bring it out in in in force in a moment but I I will agree with you that a splurge doesn't have to be expensive but I just my point is that when you have more you have more disposable income you tend to think about things you wouldn't normally have ever thought about yeah I think that's a fair condition to get the to get the juices going the splurge juice wow wow it's just getting gross splurge uh I also would argue that there are free splurges yeah oh yeah as an example let's say you uh have to get something done at by five o'clock yeah and you really don't have extra time but you take an extra 15 minutes to sit on a park bench just to chill and you're like splurging your time yes that costs nothing except it puts you under more stress later there is a cost there is that yeah there is that always a cost but it's not because you're not always monetary that's an example of a free splurge totally contention one you added a couple of contention here's here's one that's gonna get your pitchfork okay billionaires with a Bible be guillotined easy easy you shouldn't give me a chance to finish your sentence easy Robespierre okay billionaire am I saying that right Robespierre is that how you would say it Robespierre billionaires have a problem when it comes to splurging oh okay because when you can buy everything uh nothing feels like a splurge anymore oh poor billionaires yeah but think about it they want to self-care because those people I guess that's why they go to space I forget how much can I swear uh it's uh it's you can swear as much as you can go to fucking space fucking space um but they still are human beings and they still have the urge to splurge yes okay yes okay yes so every once in a while I play this game with myself uh and it's called Parcheesy no every once in a while I play a game in my head and it's I imagine I have a billion with a B dollars. Yeah just one billion not multi billions like some of these people just one billion yeah and then I say what are the things that I would buy uh to like because I could I think that's a very human game to play I think a lot of us do that. And I can never spend the money. Yeah no so I think about okay well I like cars so I would buy all the cool cars like I'd have a airplane hangar like Jay Leno with like a hundred classic cars in it. Okay. Then I would get probably what like a couple three houses maybe a yacht or two I mean whatever some various toys provide for your friends and family. Do a private island like Johnny Depp doesn't he own an island I mean probably I'd have a castle I'd have a castle in Scotland uh I'd have a jet yeah so I could go to my castle. Those are such a problem but yeah okay so I start listing all these things and I barely crack a hundred mil. Oh yeah I still got nine hundred million it's I got nine hundred million to go and here's the problem half the junk you can buy yeah it's not right where you are right you have a castle in Scotland great where are you well I'm at Pacoima or I'm in Schenectady I'm not there yeah because I don't want to be in Scotland all year. So I'm gonna be somewhere else I only go there like three days. So it's you know three days in my castle but now I got to go. Yeah somewhere else or my yacht like to enjoy the yacht you got to be on the yacht.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00But do you want to be on the yacht every day? No because you have a castle and you have other houses so you can buy all this junk you can't spend the money and you can't even really enjoy the splurging right when we think about like oh if I had a billion dollars I would buy but it's really like you actually it's pretty finite yeah before you get to the point where it's like none of this is giving me any joy. Yeah none of these splurges that castle in Scotland zero joy zero joy. It's dark it's dusty that's got ghosts yeah they're all wearing kilts they're in kilts kilted ghosts. Okay so here's a way to think about this. So let's say you had a billion with a B-hu and you said and I know you would do this because I know you Madeline and I know you would do this you would say you know what I'm gonna do every single day I'm gonna give a hundred thousand dollars to somebody that was literally gonna be my suggestion. I'm gonna give a hundred thousand dollars to Ross yeah yeah that would be the I would be the first on the list of then you would give a hundred thousand dollars to each of the people in your family no matter how distant their relation every day you'd have to give one to your sister and your mom and then you wouldn't leave out your dad but you could give me your dad's money um colleagues maybe at work absolutely acquaintances people you barely know randos on the street maybe a barista one day you give them a hundred thousand dollar tip for your splurge coffee you give a hundred thousand dollars a day yeah every day how long does it take to get rid of your billion way too long Ross 30 years yeah it's wrong billionaires are wrong 30 years morally repugnant it take most of your life just to give the $100,000 away a day yeah Ross this is why society shouldn't look like this so my point is when you can afford anything and everything there's no more splurging yeah that's because okay sorry yes yes it's you can't you can't satisfy the urge to splurge because nothing has any value.
SPEAKER_03Right okay if you if you buy a personal pan submarine for your dog yeah it it doesn't mean anything because you can you can spend four million dollars on a submarine for your dog with an operator and you can give the dog a cocktail and send it on a submarine trip because you can but does it it doesn't give you the the um it doesn't give you the juice no that buying that copy today gave you no okay so if you never have to save for anything uh you never have to wait for anything uh everything loses its value that's that's my contention oh I completely agree with that one so the billionaires are screwed let's eat the rich let's eat the rich yeah well but what I'm saying is do you have I already know what you're gonna say do you have any sympathy for a billionaire already no I'll wait and listen just stand by pitch work ready do you have any sympathy for a billionaire who cannot self-soothe with a splurge no Ross I don't I just don't I just don't because you're right you're right that they could give away a hundred thousand dollars every day to random people and it wouldn't it wouldn't make a a a single dip in a dent in in their obscene Scrooge McDuck pool of money but they could be doing other things like ending world hunger and setting up shelters and working societally and also working to create a system in which people don't hoard this money my pitchwork is is lit.
SPEAKER_00It's it's I'm glowing it's glowing no I knew it would be yeah yeah no I have no sympathy for billionaires Ross I'm sorry that they're sad and they can't dry their tears with their money yes there it is that's it I I just to me it's interesting it's to me it almost feels like a curse I mean yes it is very much like the like Midas curse or something like a curse it's like a fairy tale like we'll have all these things and you won't be happy. Yes be careful what you wish for and you know there's of course the old saw that money can't buy happiness well it can buy a certain level of happiness it can buy satisfaction and comfort but at some point yes you don't across the Rubicon you don't get any juice because you because you you can't get across the Rubicon is like being an addict at some point it's like you have to do more and more and more to get that same buzz. I think having that much money while it's always easy to envy the next person who has a little more than you do and fantasize about how great their life is I think having that much money is a curse. Yeah ultimately I would agree with that yeah you it currently corrupts your view of what the world is it completely it's a way to almost guarantee that you will not be able to find satisfaction you it it it makes it very difficult to find satisfaction in things because if you can afford everything as I said it has no value. And I also would argue that it makes it very hard to trust people because how do you know why people are hanging around you?
SPEAKER_03Totally I do agree with that.
SPEAKER_00Where I come out on this is that I think splurging is fine. I think it's a good little way to show yourself some self-care self-soothing as long as you don't get too far over your skis and get you know you're spending your your kids lunch money.
SPEAKER_03Because that's not splurging anymore.
SPEAKER_00Yeah now you're disgusting now you're being reckless. Yep you've crossed the Rubicon so don't cross it. But if you can find little ways to do it then you should do it no matter what your circumstance and and my as I've said everyone does this even the poorest among us will find ways to uh to engage in a little splurge even if it looks very tiny to those of us who maybe aren't as poor. What else are we here to do anyway? We're I mean what's our business? Our business is to uh be nice to ourselves I think yeah I agree.
SPEAKER_03I do think there's something about the um there's this therapy idea of treating yourself the way that you would treat your friends or like treating your inner child also is another another version of it. And I think there's like I love to treat my friends to little things right like make my buddy's favorite cookie because they're coming over something like that. And I think there's something about splurging being the version of that that you do for yourself, right?
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_03I think that's important.
SPEAKER_00Thank you Madeline for talking about splurging yeah thanks for having me thanks everyone for thanks everyone for joining us for this episode. If you like what we're doing uh as I said reach out to us on Instagram write us a sparkling review and we will read it on an upcoming podcast or do some random act of kindness like people in England do. Yeah or you can write us and discuss some of the topics we've talked about you can ask questions about us or about some of the things that we talk about you can suggest topics please engage with us we love love love to hear from you we're on Facebook we're on Patreon you can support us that way sharing the show is probably the number one thing you can do tell people that you think would like it. If you like what we do you probably know somebody who would so share it with them. And we hope you will tune in to another episode because whether you're chasing down old ladies in the UK and forcing candy on their person or just someone planting skeleton arms in your front yard it's important to remember that we all smell like humans. Goodbye everybody splurge well splurged