Smells Like Humans
Top 5% global podcast! Smells Like Humans is a seasonal podcast dedicated to bringing a humorous perspective to quirky and curious aspects of human behavior. Each show, the SLH crew will focus on a different topic, and share personal stories and observations in a way that sounds like you’re hanging out with your funny friends. The stories and commentary are presented with humor and warmth, since let’s face it: we all smell like humans. (Contact us: contactSLH19581980@gmail.com)
Smells Like Humans
PEOPLE SEEM EXCITED ABOUT "PICKLE BALL", SO WE LOOKED INTO IT
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Madeline joins Ross to discuss the "Pickle Ball" craze. Tangents include: throw pillows; D&D; Bainbridge Island; "Mackinaw/Mackinac"; bowling shoes; egg launching; extreme bocce; golf nerds; corn hole; star wars Stratego; boomer trends.
Notes:
- https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2022/oct/05/blame-threat-and-clash-the-war-between-pickleball-and-tennis-players-is-escalating-on-and-off-the-court#:~:text=Both%20involve%20using%20an%20implement,either%20side%20of%20the%20net.
- https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2021-10-09/steve-lopez-column-heat-drought-coachella-valley-golf-courses-water-use
- https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2022-03-03/pickleball-noise-fueling-neighborhood-drama
Contact us: contactSLH19581980@gmail.com
Cause I want to be tackled by a buff lesbian. They don't even have they could be semi-buff.
SPEAKER_00I mean for me that's a meat cute, man.
SPEAKER_03Welcome to another episode of Smells Like Humans. This is the podcast where we explore the curious things that people do, the very human things that grab our attention and cause us to wonder what and why. I'm Ross, your host. My guest today is always Erudite. Never fly by night. And in a past century would be described as out of sight. It's Madeline.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I love the Rhyme scheme. Thank you. Hello.
SPEAKER_03I worked so hard on it. And welcome everyone. Please, as I always say, please help us grow our community by sharing the show with someone you think might like it. Someone who doesn't like to be intellectually pushed, but they do like a little light entertainment to help them get through their day. Well, I normally like to get started right away, but I wanted to tell you, Madeline, because I haven't seen you for a while, but I got this idea that I could improve my bedroom by putting in some of those pillows on the bed, you know. Yes, because you know you look at magazines and the beds look so inviting. So I got a bunch of pillows.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03It just doesn't work. And now and how do you get into this bed?
SPEAKER_01Well, okay, I actually I love throw pillows. I have five that live on my bed, and then about a bajillion in my mid- in my living room. But the ones on my bed, the way it works for me, I have a queen bed, but I'm single. So I they like I make my bed and it looks all cute and pretty. And then when it's bedtime, I lay them out in a line going forward on the other side of the bed, and they're my little bed buddy.
SPEAKER_03It's your pillow, buddy. Yeah, I kind of I think I have to do that. It just seemed dope.
SPEAKER_01Even when I get a bed partner, it's uh we're gonna have to renegotiate something else to do with the throw pillows, but for now it works.
SPEAKER_03Right. That's interesting. Yes, those ads never show the bed partner.
SPEAKER_01No, exactly.
SPEAKER_03They just show the lovely pillows. Well, I got a bunch of pillows, I think it was a mistake. Okay. So we know that humans like activities.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I love activities.
SPEAKER_03They're always looking for diversions. We like to be diverted. We do. We're creative and we make stuff up that we can do for fun. Yeah. That's one of my favorite things about humans.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_03And in 1965, this is one or two years before you were born.
SPEAKER_01Uh-huh. Just a couple.
SPEAKER_03A few guys hanging around in their backyard in Bainbridge, Washington.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03And you're from Washington.
SPEAKER_01I am from Washington. I'm not from near to Bainbridge, but I'm familiar with it.
SPEAKER_03You know about Bainbridge.
SPEAKER_01I know about Bainbridge.
SPEAKER_03It's a couple hundred miles from where we sit here at Portland Underground Studio. Whoop whoop. You have to take a ferry though to get over there, right?
SPEAKER_01I mean, I think so, yeah. I believe, I believe so. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I think it's an island. Derek is nodding. Island people, tropical people live there. I don't know. I've never been there. But one day they're hanging around in 1965, and like humans do, they invented a backyard game for fun, which they called pickleball. Pickleball. And I one of the things, and I actually don't know what kids do now because I'm not allowed around them. No, but uh we used to always make up games all the time. Yeah. We always used to make up games all the time, every day. And maybe they still do. I don't know. They totally still do. Okay.
SPEAKER_01I have I have friends with young kids. They, you know, there there is more technology available now, right? But that doesn't mean that that that they stop making up games and doing things.
SPEAKER_03Right, right. I love the idea of a made-up backyard game. By the way, what so you've never been to Bainbridge Island?
SPEAKER_01I have not. Well, the only island that I remember going to like that, where you hop on a ferry and you go do something. Yeah. I was pretty young, so it's it's fun that I remember it. I was three or four, uh, and we went to Mackinac Island uh up in Michigan because I'm I'm from Detroit originally. Uh we only lived there until I was pretty little, but Mackinac Island, pretty cool, pretty dope. Uh I mostly remember it because there are no cars allowed. So you go in horse-drawn carriages. So I have a very clear memory of being very little and being in this very cool horse-drawn carriage.
SPEAKER_03Were you sent there as a punishment?
SPEAKER_01Yes, I was a a a poor Victorian orphan child. My prized possession was a rock.
SPEAKER_03And is that where the Mackinac peaches come from?
SPEAKER_01Maybe. I don't know.
SPEAKER_03Is this where that big fancy hotel is?
SPEAKER_01Yes, I remember the hotel. I remember being, you know, three or four. The two things I remember really clearly are being in the in the horse-drawn carriage and then being in the in the hotel.
SPEAKER_03Wow. Yeah. Horse-drawn carriage. Yes, I have heard of this place, and I'm glad to know someone who's been there. But no pickleball. So yes, they probably weren't playing pickleball then. There was a dog named Pickle in this family, and there's one story is they named the game after the dog Pickleball. Okay. After the dog Pickle. Okay. Now this game has been around, as I say, since 1965, and most of us have never heard of it.
SPEAKER_01No, that's almost 60 years.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, until recently. Okay. Over the last couple of years with the pandemic and so forth. It blew up. And I don't know about you, but I'm constantly running into people who are talking about pickleball.
SPEAKER_01I I've heard the name. I haven't encountered it too much.
SPEAKER_03But that's because you live in a land with horse-drawn carriages. Because it is, I keep feeling everywhere I turn, people are pickleball. Do you play pickleball? Do you want to play pickleball? Hell yeah. What do you think about pickleball? And I'm reading about it. And now it's it's this backyard game that has been anonymous for all these years, and it's exploded, and it's played in over 30 or 40 countries. Oh my God. And if you just type in the words pickleball on in Google. Right. Or Ask Jeeves, what have you. Ask Jeeves. You type it in, and naturally you go to a porn site. But after that, there are 54 million hits you could spend the rest of your life reading about it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, looking through pickleball stats and info.
SPEAKER_03So what is pickleball? What is it? If you're listening to this and you have no idea what it is, don't worry.
SPEAKER_01Does it require a dog?
SPEAKER_03I wish. It should. So I call it big ping pong or shrunken tennis. Oh my god, I love it already. The court is about one-fourth the size of a regular tennis court. Okay. So it's much smaller.
SPEAKER_01So you can fit it in just a backyard or something.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_01That's the idea, I'm sure.
SPEAKER_03You can fit a couple of courts inside a regulation tennis court. Okay. Okay. Which we'll come to that in a minute. People like this game. It's very much like ping pong. Uh you're just you just have a little more space. Okay. You play it with like a wiffle ball type ball. Okay. Plastic ball and a little gym class flashbacks. Yes. And it's this very almost like a racquetball racket, a short little racket, but it's a paddle that you use to hit this plastic ball. People like this. Well, first of all, in the pandemic, people started liking anything outside because it was like, what can we do? Right, where we can actually see humans. With these kids. Yeah, Christ. Get me away from these kids. We've got to be outside. It's you don't need expensive equipment. Okay. You don't need to join a club.
SPEAKER_01I mean, it probably we all have some paddles laying around, right?
SPEAKER_03Paddles and horse-drawn carriages.
SPEAKER_01Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_03It's really simple to learn, like ping pong. Like there's not a lot to it.
SPEAKER_01I mean, okay, I I haven't played much ping pong, but my understanding of the rules of ping pong is hit the ball and it might bounce and it goes over the net, and you want to make sure that it doesn't get past you when it comes back at you.
SPEAKER_03You've just explained it. The entirety of ping pong dad, I know a sport.
SPEAKER_01Dad, I've done it.
SPEAKER_03Yes, dad. You can have Madeline. Madeline can come back home now, Dad. She no longer has to be exiled. So it's easy to learn. It's easy to play. Anyone can play really fast. Like it does, the game is very slow.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I don't know that I can play. I have no hand-eye coordination.
SPEAKER_03That is you don't need to have hand-eye coordination. It's real any I've seen everybody and anyone playing with it.
SPEAKER_01Well, let's try it.
SPEAKER_03And you don't have to be in good shape to play. That's another reason people like it.
SPEAKER_01I'm in.
SPEAKER_03So it had all these things going for it, but nobody was playing it and nobody had heard of it. Right. But during the pandemic, it became this huge thing. And initially it was this huge thing for baby boomers. Uh okay, so old people. Uh-huh. A lot of them out of shape.
SPEAKER_01Want some light exercise.
SPEAKER_03Got jacked to do.
SPEAKER_01Well, and they were, yeah, especially at risk, right? So especially told, like, stay in your houses, don't go out, don't do things. Right. So you want something that's relatively safe to do. That makes sense.
SPEAKER_03So initially it was those people. And so that whenever whenever the baby boomers do anything, it suddenly becomes a thing. Right. Because they're such a giant group. Right. Eventually they're going to croak, and then death is going to be it like the next vague. The next vogue.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03But for now, they're still like setting trends by just showing up.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03And like grabbing this paddle and like, let's do this. And now it's a thing. Right. That's one of the reasons it became popular.
SPEAKER_01That makes sense to me.
SPEAKER_03It's not not fun.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03Just like if you go to like somebody's house for a picnic or something or whatever, outdoor thing, and they say, let's play badminton.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And it's like you do it.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03You're not gonna do it every day. Once a year, once every five years, you're good. Yeah. It's just a fun thing you can do. To me, when I encounter this, this topic, people talk about it like it's the discovery of a new religion. My God, have you heard of pickleball? Pickleball. They get so excited about it.
SPEAKER_01The church of pickleball.
SPEAKER_03Pickleball. Yay! So what's interesting to me is so start out with these the oldsters coming out there and just, you know, drooling on their paddle and having fun. Then it's sort of like a reverse Facebook phenomenon. Okay. So you remember how Facebook was for young people? Right. And then your parents showed up and ruined it?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Oh, look, you look cute in that outfit, dear. Oh, geez, my mom's watching me. And now the fastest growing segment is like 25 to 30. Gotcha. People are young people are going crazy for it.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03So now it's this big, big thing. Guess who doesn't like pickleball?
SPEAKER_01Is it is it you?
SPEAKER_03No, I've played it. Okay. It's fine. It's like badminton in the backyard.
SPEAKER_01It probably is dependent on who you're with and your mood and you got a couple of drinks in you. Yeah, it's great.
SPEAKER_03It's a sunny afternoon. Yeah. Put a paddle in my hand. I'll slap the ball around. What the hell? What the heck? You know? Yeah. But I don't care if we keep score. Right. I don't care who wins pickleball. I don't even want it's not even something I would brag about.
SPEAKER_01You gotta see my pickleball stats, babe.
SPEAKER_03The people who don't like pickleball are the tennis people.
SPEAKER_01Oh, because it's lesser tennis. Well to them.
SPEAKER_03This is what p bugs them. Okay. There are not a lot of individual pickleball courts anywhere.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03So what did they do?
SPEAKER_01They cut people come in and use their tennis courts.
SPEAKER_03They use the tennis courts and they've laid down lines for pickleball. And remembering the aesthetic. You can fit two-by-score tennis courts. Yeah. Yeah. So so they have these all alternate lines for pickleball. And if you play tennis, it's like now you don't know where the it's like so many lines.
SPEAKER_01Well, like we're both theater people, right? It's like there's too much spike tape. We don't know where to stand.
SPEAKER_03It's like spike tape, spike tape from another show.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Oh, there it is. Yeah, it's like we're both sharing the space, and it's like, no, that's not my spot. That's not my spot.
SPEAKER_03Right, right. So the tennis people don't like that. They go to play tennis and there's all these pickleball people.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03And they don't like the pickleball flying into their court and all that stuff. And tennis people are a little uptight anyway. Fair.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03So there's a whole fight there. And the other people who don't like the pickleballers are people who live nearby because when you hit this wiffle ball, the plastic ball with a wooden paddle or something.
SPEAKER_01The noise must be.
SPEAKER_03It's very noisy. There are actual lawsuits.
SPEAKER_01Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_03People in communities have filed lawsuits against the pickleball.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_03They want them to stop making so much noise because it goes on.
SPEAKER_01It's like a distance episode.
SPEAKER_03I'm sure it is one by now.
SPEAKER_01Probably.
SPEAKER_03There's animosity against these pickleballers. And I think if you're a pickleball person, you're like, well, right on, pickleballers. You go get yourself some fine activity exercise.
SPEAKER_01You pickle that ball.
SPEAKER_03You pickle that ball. But if you live near one of these courts and you're hearing this whack, whack whap wah and you say, Well, don't they hear tennis balls? It's not the same.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, it makes sense that the volume, the the decibels are lower.
SPEAKER_03They say the decibels can go quite high. Most people, when they start an exercise program, they quit. Right. Half of them quit after six months.
SPEAKER_01I'm impressed they make it that long. But the I never have.
SPEAKER_03You've never had.
SPEAKER_01I've never made it six months.
SPEAKER_03The pickleballers uh stay with it. They keep playing.
SPEAKER_01Maybe that's what I need.
SPEAKER_03It's not clear if you get much exercise, though.
SPEAKER_01But if it's fun. But it's better than sitting on your couch. Exactly. There you go.
SPEAKER_03And eating Cheetos all day.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Which is one of my favorite things.
SPEAKER_01I mean, it's a good activity.
SPEAKER_03I think that's an activity I can get behind. Yeah. Put me in a horse-drawn carriage with a sack of Cheetos. I'm happy as a clam. I also like fried clams. The same research that I'm quoting found that the more serious they get about pickleball, the more likely they are to be depressed.
SPEAKER_01Now I'm already depressed. Does that mean that I am just prime pickleball fawder? I'm gonna just skip straight to being a pickleball champion.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I think you need to check out the pickleball. So you don't play.
SPEAKER_01Me? No, I don't. I've never played it.
SPEAKER_03You've never played either. I've not heard about it very much.
SPEAKER_01I hadn't. I'd heard the name. I will be honest with you. I wasn't sure if it was c connected to or similar to, and I might get this wrong. Blaze ball? Is that a thing? That's like the fake online baseball thing where they they have like whole teams that they follow, but I think it's all made up.
SPEAKER_03It's not that. Pickleball is a real thing. Yeah. You know, I'm not a like I said, I've played it. It's fine.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03If you love pickleball.
SPEAKER_01I like cornhole. So like I'd probably like a pickleball backyard, you know.
SPEAKER_03Worst name ever for a game ever.
SPEAKER_01It's a really bad name.
SPEAKER_03Whatever happened to beanbag toss, that was safe. Yeah. Why did we have to name it?
SPEAKER_01I went to college in Ohio, so I feel like there's something about that that makes sense that in Ohio they call it cornhole. They call it cornhole everywhere now. I mean, they do now, yeah.
SPEAKER_03I don't know. I just thought I was like, that's really the name of it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So if but if you're a pickleballer and you love it, you need to go for what you know. No one's breaking bad on you here. But if you don't like it or don't want to add it into your life, there's nothing wrong with you. I'm just saying.
SPEAKER_01That's true. We get excited about these things and then we treat people like they're they're crazy for not also being excited about it, right?
SPEAKER_03Don't you want to play pickleball? Don't you want to try it? You don't play pickleball? What that'd be like someone saying, You don't play badbinton? You don't play ping pong? And it'd be like, why? Why do I have why is that a thing? Why are you telling me this? Right. I don't get a lot of juice from pickleball.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I don't get pickle juice, I get no juice. May I recommend a different activity?
SPEAKER_01Ooh, yes. Do tell. What what do you get juice from?
SPEAKER_03I get juice from a special form of bocce ball.
SPEAKER_01Ooh, I do like bocce ball.
SPEAKER_03So bocce or bocci or bocci. Those are all ways you can say that. It's lawn bowling. Yeah. It's lawn bowling. It's a it's there's several different versions, but this is the Italian version. It's very simple game, very easy to learn, just like pickleball. But anyway, you throw at this small ball called the boccino or the jack. It's a little white ball. You throw it out there, and then everybody gets different colored balls, and you try to get as close as you can.
SPEAKER_01Right. Which is what what I like about it because, like I said, I have poor hand-eye coordination, so I'm not trying to connect, you know, my racket to one thing that is flying at my face and has uh uh you know high stakes. Instead, it's just like, how close can I get to this thing? Pretty far, but not embarrassingly far.
SPEAKER_03I taught my kids to play when they were young. I mean, my obligations as a father were I had uh two girls, they were theater kids, but I felt an obligation to teach them the following things.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03They should know how to hit a baseball.
SPEAKER_01That's fair.
SPEAKER_03Because you never know when you'll be somewhere and somebody says, Will you play baseball?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like let's play a little bit.
SPEAKER_03And you don't want to be that kid who just falls on their face.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. That's fair.
SPEAKER_03That was my thinking.
SPEAKER_01That's fair.
SPEAKER_03I also thought they should, for the same reasons, should know how to throw a football.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, smart.
SPEAKER_03I thought they should know how to throw and catch a frisbee.
SPEAKER_01Yes, that one's good. Just at the beach, wherever.
SPEAKER_03And last but not least, they should learn how to play bocce.
SPEAKER_01I mean, yeah, that one's good.
SPEAKER_03So bocce, as we say familiarly. So, um, oh, and the other thing, of course, is get in front of people and be able to be comfortable talking.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, which which they are.
SPEAKER_03So that's good. I had differing levels of success teaching those things to them, but I did try.
SPEAKER_01There you go.
SPEAKER_03Oh, and also I think sh kids should be taught that it's okay to goof around.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_03I'm not sure they learned how to goof around as much as I did, but they were a little more.
SPEAKER_01I mean, you're a master of it, so that's hard to live up to.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I leaned into it. Okay, so here's here's my version.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03I call it extreme botchy.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I love it. Okay.
SPEAKER_03So at one point in my life, I had this notion that I wanted to move my family out to the country.
SPEAKER_01Uh-huh. Just like green acres style.
SPEAKER_03It was kind of like funny farm, green acres, all those stories were.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03City City Boy moves out to the country and then gets a gets a reckoning.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, somehow life will be magically better if you're in a place where yeah.
SPEAKER_03We did have some a large expanse of land as one does when you live out in the middle of nowhere.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03Where land is cheap. So we had some acreage in the front and a pool in the back.
SPEAKER_01That's fun.
SPEAKER_03So you could have uh some fun parties. Yeah. Because people would be like, oh, a pool and place to run around? Cool.
SPEAKER_01Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_03The only thing you had to do every mor if you were having any kind of people over to swim, I had to get up early and scoop uh w wildlife out of the pool.
SPEAKER_01Right, do the skimmer.
SPEAKER_03Because stuff would jump in there to die.
SPEAKER_01God.
SPEAKER_03That's horrifying. If you show up for a pool party and there's some large, like rodent creature floating dead in the pool.
SPEAKER_01I hate that, actually.
SPEAKER_03Puts a damper on it.
SPEAKER_01It does. I hate that.
SPEAKER_03You don't want to jump in there, you know, like cannonball. No. No. Land on a giant like moose or something. There were no moose. There were no moose. There were wild turkeys, though. Oh wow. You know wild turkeys can fly? I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_01I did not either. That's cool. I've seen them wandering around, but I've never seen them flying.
SPEAKER_03When they fly, it's quite the scene.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03I'm not saying they're good at flying.
SPEAKER_01No, but they can do it. Okay.
SPEAKER_03So extreme bocce, you play at cross country.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03So there's no court, there's no boundaries.
SPEAKER_01All right.
SPEAKER_03So you play it wherever. So you when you play regular bocce, you throw out the little marker ball, the jack, the you know, the boccino, the little ball, and then you try to get close to it. So you can throw this ball anywhere when you're playing cross country. It could be anywhere. Okay. It could be in the woods.
SPEAKER_01It could be in the pool.
SPEAKER_03Well, it could be.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03It could be in the pool, but we would go far and wide. So it could be streams in the woods, in the rocks, across highways, wherever it goes. So it's over hill and dale. And so it's quite invigorating.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Sounds it.
SPEAKER_03And yes, because you're, you know, it's just takes on a whole new dimension.
SPEAKER_01Right, right.
SPEAKER_03That is fun. Because you're fun. You're walking around, you're exercising.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03But you're not exercising so vigorously that you can't hold a beer or a cocktail in your hand.
SPEAKER_01Or a conversation.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, or that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so it's a lot of fun. And then once I got everybody, so we would play that for you know, hour or two hours, depending on how far away we got. Because you just keep going. Right.
SPEAKER_01You just keep moving it further out.
SPEAKER_03But once I had people all warmed up with that, and maybe they had a couple of drinks.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03And it was starting to get later in the evening. So they've already been swimming. They've already played Extreme Botce. And then I introduced the fun sport of egg launching.
SPEAKER_01Ooh.
SPEAKER_03So I had an egg, I had a launcher that was made from that surgical tubing. Pull it pretty far. Oh man, you could launch an egg. Well, you could launch anything, but I liked eggs. You could launch an egg easily a couple hundred yards. Wow. Without just it would just go so far.
SPEAKER_01I love this.
SPEAKER_03And you would have two people holding the ends of the tubing. Oh my god. There were little handles. Yeah. And they would stretch it as far as they could, and you really had to hold it. Tight, and then the person launching would be actually pulling the launcher all the way back.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like down on the ground, like crouching.
SPEAKER_03On the ground, on their back, like on their on their butt, sort of. Yeah. Leaning back. Yeah. And then they'd let it go. Oh, I love this. And then the fun thing about it, and I never I don't remember actually suggesting this, but every single time somebody would decide that they want to stand out in the field and see if they can either catch it or it'll just hit them. Or get hit by. Oh no. So now we have somebody to shoot at.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And people who have known who knew me during that period will still bring up the eggs. The egg launching. It was because it was when you came to my house, you did things you didn't normally do.
SPEAKER_01This is like, what is it about humans? It's like the jackass instinct or the mythbusters instinct. It's like, how how fast it go? How far it go? Can I be injured by it? This is delightful.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I like that there was always somebody who's like, I'll stand out there and see if you can hit me. Can you get my face? And it was like, okay. And then sometimes it was fun because the eggs would fly like 250 yards and it would be look like a moonshot, and then they wouldn't break.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it can happen where it like it hits at just the right angle that the shell absorbs it or whatever, right?
SPEAKER_03And it's just fine. The shock absorbing shells. Yeah. And then like sometimes I can't even get an egg out of the carton without a breather.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no.
SPEAKER_03And then how can these things I don't know? There's something don't touch it with your hands. But if you shoot at 300 yards, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. I think those kinds of games, yeah, I feel much more excited about. Yeah. You make them up in your backyard. You get anybody can play them.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03If you're launching eggs, it's you know, there's a certain excitement about that. So I like this idea of cross-country bocce, and I also think that would work for golf.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that might make golf more interesting because also then we wouldn't need to kill entire swaths of our ecosystem by only putting lawn on them and not allowing for any natural plants or you know, habitats that allowed creatures to live and thrive, and we wouldn't have to spend so much water that people could be drinking or using in other ways on preserving giant fucking lawns.
SPEAKER_03You know, the way when golf was first invented back in the old country, that's how they played it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, just out in the rolling fields, what have you.
SPEAKER_03You played the there's an expression, play the ball as it lies.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you just used the environment that you had instead of destroying it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. What? And so I think that would be- you tell I don't like golf very much. I uh suspected as much.
SPEAKER_01Don't tell my grandfather.
SPEAKER_03Don't tell your grandfather. He loves golf. I've got him on speed dial.
SPEAKER_01No, Grandpa Larry, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_03Do they still have speed dial?
SPEAKER_01Probably.
SPEAKER_03What is how would you have speed dial?
SPEAKER_01Well, you can set like your favorites and stuff in your phone now.
SPEAKER_03Well, he's he's on my favorite. He's on my he's at the top of the list of my favorites, and I'm constantly calling him with reports. Golf, yes, in a lot of places, you're like you said, just a lot of finely manicured terrain, and they've like bulldozed it and and all that stuff. But in the old days it wasn't like that. It was just playing from one location to another location, and you know, see, that sounds fun. Yes. I'd be into that. I know they're doing uh golf, people who are serious about the environment are doing a lot to try to figure out a different way to present the game and people to play it without so there's a lot more you see if you go places, even some of these places like in California and so forth that are known for golf, you see a lot more natural areas now. Good, that's awesome encroaching, you know, like the actual part of the fairway that you're on or supposed to be on, which I never am on.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_03Just look for me where the snakes are. That's where I'm trying to find my ball. Excuse me, Mr. Snake. I actually was playing golf one time and there was a rattlesnake between me and where I needed to go, and I'm like, uh, rattlesnake. And then the guy I'm playing with says, just move the snake.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god. Yeah, that's how you know someone's taking their golf too seriously.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, just move that snake. Just move the snake.
SPEAKER_01Just grab that rattlesnake.
SPEAKER_03Christ. No. No. No, I'm not moving the snake. Forget the snake. There we go. Although that would make the game a little more interesting. In fact, if you put rattlesnakes all over the course, then at that point it might become a sport.
SPEAKER_01There you go. Episode title.
SPEAKER_03You have to run. You have to do some crocodiles.
SPEAKER_01Crocodiles would be good. I mean, in Florida, that's probably part of the game.
SPEAKER_03They got some crocs that will snack. They'll snack you right off the green.
SPEAKER_00Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_03I went to a place recently where they had a golf course, but they turned it into a froth course.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_03So they stopped manicuring it.
SPEAKER_01See, there you go. You don't need the lawn to be if it's frisbee golf, which is golf for our listeners.
SPEAKER_03It's and to me, that's on par with pickleball. It's the same level.
SPEAKER_01It's the same kind of thing.
SPEAKER_03There are people who take it way too seriously, though.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_03People who take those games too seriously remind me of they used, I don't know if they still have this, but they used to have grown people who played professional miniature golf. Oh, wow. That's fun. Have you ever been playing miniature golf and you see someone out there taking it seriously? You're like, what?
SPEAKER_01That's not what mini golf's for.
SPEAKER_03You know, before you have your driver's license, yes, the dark days. There's not much you can do for fun.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_03Not the kind of fun you want to have. No. So a friend of mine used to like gamble on everything, and we were we bet on miniature golf games. And our we had a special rule, and that is you had to hit the ball wherever it went.
SPEAKER_01I love that.
SPEAKER_03Which is great until it goes off.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03And it's really hard with those little putters to get it back where it's supposed to be. Yeah, yeah. So a guy could get into trouble. And I'm playing this, we're gambling and counting all the shots. And he got into trouble, and the ball ended up going like hitting a cement barrier because he's trying to hit it back on the thing, and hits the cement barrier, goes backwards across a highway. Oh no. So now he's on the other side of a highway with a miniature golf putter trying to hit it back through the traffic. And I'm making him do it because, like, these are this all counts, because I'm gonna get rich.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you're gonna make money off him.
SPEAKER_03Anyway, so like but again, still just the game.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03So dangerous game.
SPEAKER_01The most dangerous game, perhaps.
SPEAKER_03So I miniature golf for money. The world's most dangerous game. But two start off playing, but only one returns.
SPEAKER_01Uh I have worked at two different bowling alleys, and uh bowling is something that is it's a sport and it's a talent and a skill, and people work hard at it, and there are people who are incredible at it, so I don't want to suggest otherwise. However, there is a category of league bowlers who are just a step up from your average, you know, Joe going into the bowling alley just having a fun time. They're just skilled enough past that to feel very entitled and sure of themselves.
SPEAKER_03They have their own ball.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, exactly. It's those guys, and that's the guys who would sit there and go, hey sweetheart, hey sweetheart, I need a reset on lane nine. And I'm sitting here, I'm like, you know, you just have to push the button. You can you have just enough knowledge to tell that the only problem is that you need to push for a sweep and you have just enough knowledge to know where the button is, and you're gonna make me come over and press it. It's those guys.
SPEAKER_03I like to distinguish between sport and game.
SPEAKER_01I like that. Okay. So I'm sure there's lots of fights about that, about what where the line is.
SPEAKER_03Oh my goodness, it gets worse when it comes to golf, and I'll tell you why. But so bowling, yeah, I say is a game. I don't think it's a sport. You it is hard to break a sweat, bowling.
SPEAKER_01That's fair. But it is a skill game, right? What are a lot of games of skill? Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_03I think Kiddly Winks. Checkers. So uh I say bowling is a game. Okay. I say uh frollf is a game.
SPEAKER_01But is golf a game?
SPEAKER_03Golf is a game.
SPEAKER_01Okay, yes, and yes, I agree with it. I was gonna say frollf and golf have to be in the same category, right?
SPEAKER_03People who play these, and I say pickleball is a game.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03Especially since usually the way it's preferred, uh the way people prefer to play pickleball is doubles.
SPEAKER_01Uh huh.
SPEAKER_03So now you barely have to move.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03Because the court's already tiny.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03And if you're sharing your side with some other person, uh-huh, you're not gonna have to do much. Okay. So it's a game. Okay. Basketball is a sport.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_03You gotta run around. Right. There's strategy, but you can't just stand there. That doesn't work.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03You don't get to play if you just stand there. They take you out.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01Okay, okay, I'm with you. I'm with you.
SPEAKER_03So golf is one of those games, and I think what happens is so there's these games that are fun to play. There's nothing wrong with it, but at some point, people playing them try to pretend like they're cool.
SPEAKER_01Like, took it more seriously than like tried to turn it into something bigger than it is.
SPEAKER_03Like, for me, there's nothing cool about playing pickleball. There's nothing cool about playing bocce ball. There's nothing cool about bowling. It could be fun. Yeah, yeah. It's a fun activity. Right. So I don't have a problem with it. But don't try to pretend you're cool because you have your own bowling ball or your own bowling shoes. That's a that's a mark of an advanced bowler, right?
SPEAKER_01That's true. Oh, yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_03You're showing up with your own special Fred Floodstone.
SPEAKER_01What's it? Oh, you don't wear them outside. You're only wearing them.
SPEAKER_03Wearing your bowling shoes outside. I think I knew someone in my life who wore bowling shoes or the fashion statement, the rental ones, you know, the multicolor ones.
SPEAKER_01The clown shoes, yeah. The clown shoes.
SPEAKER_03How can you take a game seriously when you're wearing clown shoes? Yeah. Because I play golf.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03So I spend a lot of time.
SPEAKER_01Oh no.
SPEAKER_03You have no idea. So I like it as a game, but it's its attempt to be cool just constantly befuddles me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03It is not cool.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03The people who play it are straight up nerds.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_03They are as nerdy as your most committed DD. Yes. Oh my God. All that stuff.
SPEAKER_01Why is it nerdy when it's about, you know, science fiction, fantasy, board games, et cetera? But it's not nerdy when it's about sports. I mean, when you're playing, when you're playing fantasy football and you're getting so deep in the pain about this, how is it? That's a nerd.
SPEAKER_03Nerd. Yeah. So it's totally nerdy. So and I people always go, no, no, no. They're athletes. I go, no. They might work out, they might be in shape. Yeah. But they're not, they're playing a game.
SPEAKER_01And I say They're taking a little cart to get from place to place. They're not even hoofing it.
SPEAKER_03Well, look at the pros. They have to walk.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's true.
SPEAKER_03But they have a caddy carrying their back.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. Yes.
SPEAKER_03They can't carry their clubs.
SPEAKER_01No, no.
SPEAKER_03But look at them. So I always say people go, no, this isn't true. And these guys are athletes. I go, look at the top players. There are one or two exceptions, but let's look at the player that everyone talks about to this day as being one of the best or the best. Tiger Woods. Yes. The known name. You've heard of Tiger Woods. I know the name. You've seen you'd recognize him in a lineup. You take this guy out of golf. Let's say this guy never played golf.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03You look at him, nerd.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. He's just a dude.
SPEAKER_03He's a dweeb. Yeah. And all these guys, they're kind of dweeby. The thing about golf, you can know it's a a nerd sport because the clothes.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Like those are not good clothes.
SPEAKER_01No. There's a there's a there's a dweeby dweebee dress code, and you gotta abide by it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, the clothes, the uh numbering, all the numbers.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah. I kind of have to learn a number system about it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Now what I like to do is I take a seven hour and you're doing a dog lang. Right.
SPEAKER_01You're 100% right, Ross.
SPEAKER_03Okay, computer.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Like ease up.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03It's one of the nerdiest things you can do. And then all the rules. Yeah. The rules are extremely to me. Like, I could never get into DD. I was invited. I was invited. I've been invited multiple times when people say, Ross, this would be perfect for you.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's very that once you know the rules and you're playing around in the space, it's very improv-based, right? So that aspect of it would be great for you.
SPEAKER_03I have trouble with rules.
SPEAKER_01Right, right. Absolutely. Like I'm I'm, you know, I'm rolling against this tiefling monk that has a 17 AC, and so I've got to, you know, since I have a plus four on this holy mace that I'm using, I have to roll. That could either be But I crit, I got a natural 20, Ross, so I'm gonna deal double damage, but only on these dice.
SPEAKER_03There you go. And the munchkin's dead. So here's the thing that what you just said, which I did not understand. Right.
SPEAKER_01That's how I feel when you talk about golf.
SPEAKER_03Could have been a golf conversation. They might in fact be the same words.
SPEAKER_01We might be saying the same thing. Oh, I love that.
SPEAKER_03They may use the same language.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03But I find that to DD's credit and all the RPG world.
SPEAKER_01Oh, because there's DD drama right now. We could get into that, but I'll let you finish your thoughts.
SPEAKER_03What I was gonna say is it's never been my experience that that is sold to me as a cool thing.
SPEAKER_01Oh no, God.
SPEAKER_03This is what the cool people do.
SPEAKER_01Good God, no.
SPEAKER_03They sort of stay in their lane.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03But golfers and the the then the golf marketing apparatus, which tries to sell us the idea that this is this heroic battle.
SPEAKER_01Right, right.
SPEAKER_03It's like you're hitting a ball, it doesn't move with a stick.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03You stroll around or you're riding a cart and you hit the ball with a stick. If you can drink and eat while you're playing, it's not a sport. Can we just agree with that?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's fair.
SPEAKER_03Anytime you're playing a game, you're like, hey, is there anything to eat or drink?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01I carry my beer with me. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03If you're playing field hockey, you're not like, hey, can I get a hoagie and a root beer float?
SPEAKER_01No, no. I'm like, can this very attractive buff lesbian tackle me, please?
SPEAKER_03That's the same thing. I say that every day to myself, but I'm at the mall. That's where I am. But I'm asking myself, because I want to be tackled by a buff lesbian. They don't even have they could be semi-buff.
SPEAKER_00I mean, for me, that's a meat cute, man.
SPEAKER_03I it's a meat cute for me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I just like any kind of physical contact. At some point, you get past the age where you're being selective.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair.
SPEAKER_03I welcome everything.
SPEAKER_01There you go.
SPEAKER_03Everyone is welcome. Everything, everyone, animals, people, any orientation. I don't care. Just come give them a hug. I don't care. I'll take it. I'll take the contact. Golf. Golf. Nerd town. Oh, yeah. Uh, it's really, but it is a fun game. I like it as a game, but I really just I'm uncomfortable in the culture.
SPEAKER_01I tell you the truth. That's so fair. And I'm trying to put my finger on this or or how to phrase it. Uh but I'm just gonna jump into it and probably put my foot in my mouth. Do it. If we can make this nerd thing somehow fit into that paradigm of like this is this is mansport, which is I think is what people are trying to do with golf somehow, then it's cool. Whereas like DD is like only the Dweeby dudes play it and the girls.
SPEAKER_03And I'm all for people playing whatever kind of game they want, but just don't just don't tell me you're cool when you're playing it.
SPEAKER_01Right, right.
SPEAKER_03Like if you're playing Stratego, it's fun. Yeah. But you're not cool.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_03Is that still a game? You ever play Stratego?
SPEAKER_01I have played Stratego. I have Star Wars Stratego at home. I don't think I'm cool, but I have fun.
SPEAKER_03Star Wars. So the so the instead of like military people with their Star Wars characters.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03So what is the what is the equivalent of the flag?
SPEAKER_01The flag? Oh man, I'm sure. Oh, it's uh I think it's a lightsaber. I think that you're trying to either capture the Sith lightsaber or the Jedi lightsaber.
SPEAKER_03And what is Yoda?
SPEAKER_01He's one of the most powerful people on the light side side of the board.
SPEAKER_03And then the Oh, it's light versus dark?
SPEAKER_01It's light versus dark. It has people from the Clone Wars era movies and the original movies. Um and Leia, for some reason, is less of a danger ranking than Han or Luke, and I don't understand. Like you meet her and she's like into the garbage chute, fly boy, and she's got a blaster that she got from somewhere and she's taking people out left and right. Don't tell me she's less dangerous. But uh I think there there are bombs, and then there's droids that can dismantle the bombs. It's good, it's fun. It's a well-built little uh little game. We're learning a lot about me today.
SPEAKER_03Um, I'm I like I like what I'm learning. I have new I have newfound respect for you.
SPEAKER_01Thank you.
SPEAKER_03Well, thanks for talking to me about pickleball.
SPEAKER_01You're welcome. Pickleball and golf and butt wiggles.
SPEAKER_03Egg launching.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, egg launching.
SPEAKER_03We're not against pickleballers.
SPEAKER_01No, god no, go have fun, enjoy, love it.
SPEAKER_03It's just not cool.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_03And if you don't like it, you're not you're okay. I'm saying you're okay if you don't like pickleball. Or if you want to resist the peer pressure in your life, just say no to pickleball.
SPEAKER_01There you go. I'm gonna I'm gonna drop some truth. The point of being a human is is having fun, not looking cool. So it's okay that it's not cool. You don't you don't need it to be cool. I was at a a friend's birthday party last night and we were singing karaoke. I did not look cool. Nobody looks cool singing karaoke. You're not getting up there. This is an American idol. You're not competing to be some cool singing champion, and maybe you think you are, and those are the people who are annoying to watch doing kick they're doing karaoke wrong if they're attempting to deliver this this vast performance, right? Karaoke's about having fun.
SPEAKER_03Right. You're doing it wrong if you're trying to trying too hard to look cool and be, I don't know. Madeline, I think you and I should play a game of pickleball.
SPEAKER_01I love that idea. And we I also think we should do karaoke.
SPEAKER_03That I I think we could if we could do it both at the same time. Yes. Now we're talking.
SPEAKER_01Now we're talking.
SPEAKER_03See, and that's the human spirit. It's like, how can we create our own version of innovation? Yeah, like overland or cross-country bocce ball.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god, I've got it, Ross. Okay, so there's this uh improv game that Ross has uh introduced to me before in in shows that we've been in where there's a circle of people and somebody jumps in and starts singing a song, and when that makes you think of a different song, you jump in and top them out and start singing the different song. Right. It's that, but when you hit the ball, you have to start singing the different song. And then the other person hits it, and because they hit it, they have to change the song and start singing something else.
SPEAKER_03That that adds quite a lot to that game and spices it up. See, I think everyone should be thinking about how to make pickleball.
SPEAKER_01I think I'm onto something more palatable. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Well, thank you everyone for joining us for this episode. If you like what we're doing, please share the show. That's the best way to help us. If you want to reach out to us on Instagram or follow us there, we love hearing from you, and we always respond promptly. And we do love getting your feedback. We got some delightful feedback the other day, and it makes us feel great.
SPEAKER_02It does.
SPEAKER_03And we hope you'll tune into another episode because whether you are riding in the back of a horse drawn carriage or just someone being tackled by a buff lesbian, it's important to remember that we all smell like humans. Goodbye, everybody.
SPEAKER_01Goodbye.