Smells Like Humans
Top 5% global podcast! Smells Like Humans is a seasonal podcast dedicated to bringing a humorous perspective to quirky and curious aspects of human behavior. Each show, the SLH crew will focus on a different topic, and share personal stories and observations in a way that sounds like you’re hanging out with your funny friends. The stories and commentary are presented with humor and warmth, since let’s face it: we all smell like humans. (Contact us: contactSLH19581980@gmail.com)
Smells Like Humans
DO WE SAY "I LOVE YOU" ENOUGH?
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Ami joins Ross to discuss how often we should say the magic words, "I LOVE YOU" to partner's, spouses, and children. Tangents include: Ticklers; types of "I love you's"; idolizing kids; metaphorical bike helmets; "SPECIAL" VS "PRECIOUS". Ross' Love installment plan and simple relationship advice are discussed.
Contact us: contactSLH19581980@gmail.com
I didn't I didn't push you out in the rain, so you must know I love you.
SPEAKER_00Welcome to another episode of Smells Like Humans. This is the podcast where we explore the curious things that people do, the very human things that grab our attention and cause us to wonder what and why. I'm Ross, your host, and my guest today. It's so remarkable! If she were a surfboard, she would be a LibTech pickup stick surfboard providing maximum wave time in all conditions. It's Amy.
SPEAKER_02I don't even know how to feel about that introduction, but I feel complimented.
SPEAKER_00It's a compliment indeed. And welcome everyone to the show. We're so glad you're with us today. We love it that you come and listen to us each week. You are part of our family. And if you want to help us, you can share the show with people who think like you do. You can join us on Patreon and support us that way. You can send us messages on Instagram. You can contact us through our email, which is in the show notes. And you can give us a five-star sparkling rating and review on Apple Podcasts. And if you do, we will likely read it on an upcoming episode. But mainly, we're glad you're here. And I want to get started, Amy. So let's go. You ready?
SPEAKER_02I am so ready.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Now we know that every once in a while, humans feel the urge to say, I love you. And usually most humans they like to hear those words said to them once in a while. So today, I want to find out what is the optimal amount of times you need to hear or say this when you're in a relationship with another human? So Amy.
SPEAKER_02Yes, Ross.
SPEAKER_00You're an endearing, charming sort.
SPEAKER_02Sure.
SPEAKER_00You probably have heard I love you many, many times.
SPEAKER_02Let's go with yes. An amount of times.
SPEAKER_00So I've been marinating on this idea that there are different types of I love you that you might get.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00And as I started thinking about that, I started thinking about how often we say this in our relationships and how often we might want to hear it. So this is based on no research. This is just me thinking out loud. So you should feel free to push back. But I thought of several different kinds of I love you. One of my most favorite kinds is the random, which just comes out of nowhere. It's not predicated on anything. It's not because you did something. It's just somehow the person that you're with is inspired to say it. So it comes out of the blue. It's like a little surprise present. So that's a good one. Then there's a reciprocal one where somebody says it to you and you feel obligated. Sure. You don't want that hanging out there. Either way. It's awkward either way. I I tell you, there have been a few times when I got the thanks reply. That's a rough one. Yeah, why could I rather, I think. So you can have no response or you can have thanks. Which one's worse?
SPEAKER_02Ah, thanks is is particularly thanks versus thank you. But thanks. I mean, maybe if you told like a checkout clerk, I love you, and they said thanks, that'd be okay. But if you told someone that you were in an intimate relationship with I love you, or intimate, however, yeah, that would that that would that burn a little bit.
SPEAKER_00Because with no response, I can pretend the person didn't hear me.
SPEAKER_02Well, I hadn't considered that option.
SPEAKER_00Then there's the one that's actually inspired by a very specific thing, like your partner does something really nice for you for your birthday, and you say, I love you, and you know, it's it's not random, it's based on something that happened, but it's still one of the kinds. And then there are a couple ones that are sort of incidental. One I call the sign-off courtesy. I know some people when they say goodbye or goodnight, they say love you or I love you as a reflex. But a lot of people get in the habit in relationships, like I was talking to someone, they said, Yeah, every night, you know, because one person goes to bed earlier, they they say love you, and they say goodnight. Or every time somebody leaves to go anywhere without the other person, they say it. And one person described it pretty much as a courtesy, as sort of a just, you know, a nice thing to say when someone's leaving. But another person I talked to said that she does it as insurance just in case the person dies. Oh, how morbid. It's like a funeral insurance thing. No, so what it's like is it's because she says she doesn't want it, she doesn't want to be the person who says, I didn't even tell them I love them. I never get to tell them that again. But if you say it every time somebody leaves, you're covered.
SPEAKER_02Sure. That that puts a really high value on the phrase, I love you, also. It must be really meaningful for them.
SPEAKER_00I love you because you could be dead.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I don't want you to not. I just feel like if if the only way a person knows that you love them is if you say it and you didn't say it, I I just think they should already, I think they should know. There should be some other indicators other than you're frequently saying it.
SPEAKER_00Well, we're coming to that.
SPEAKER_02Okay, okay, good, good.
SPEAKER_00We're coming to that. Oh great oracle. The last one, so I have random reciprocal, the responsive one, the sign-off courtesy, the insurance just in case you die. And then the last one, which I personally, and I probably am in the minority here, but I personally don't think has a lot of credibility is the sex I love you.
SPEAKER_02Oh, you know what? Going back to my husband, not to get all intimate, but yeah, he has a thing about not saying it then because he feels like it is um like a like bad timing in a sense, because it's bad timing to be in love with you right now. I just want to have you sexually. I don't want to love you.
SPEAKER_00I just feel like you can't trust it. Because people say all kinds of things, like uh, hopefully there's no transcript.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because I don't want to go back over it and have somebody say, Well, you know, you said you said this thing about pumpkin patches. And it's like, I don't know what I said. So, yes, I don't I don't think it's a problem if people say it. Sure. But I just don't think it's reliable. I don't think you can count on it, especially if that's the only time you hear it. Okay, so so there are all these kinds of I love you, but you you're on to something which I also started thinking about when I was thinking about how often you should be saying this to people. And you know, you can think of a relationship as in the new stage, or you can think of it when it's settled down. And the word I keep using when I talk about this is it's in a mature stage. The relationship has settled to the point where there's few discoveries happening. You know who the other person is, they know who you are, and you have a routine, your relationship has fallen into a routine. And again, not necessarily bad, it's just everybody knows everybody.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Fair? Yeah, I think so. I I get you. So when you get to that stage, my feeling, and I'm sure there's reset research out there to support this, is that people tend to say, I love you less on average when they're in a settled stage.
SPEAKER_02I can support that anecdotally.
SPEAKER_00Because it's implied, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_00You're there in the morning, you're doing the favors and the errands, you're pulling your weight with finances, whatever you're doing to contribute to the relationship. You know, you're interested in the other person. You're doing all, you have all the signals, all the signs are aligned that you are in a loving relationship. So the need to actually say it perhaps is less compelling than when you were in a than when you were in a new brand new relationship and everything is love, love, love.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I think you need so much reassurance when you're first together. So I I think the the I love you and this again probably tells you a lot about what's going on with me. I think there was a lot of like, I'm saying it to you because I need to hear it from you.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Yeah. Because it's new, and there are still lots of surprises and discoveries. There is, there is probably a stronger need for affirmation and reaffirmation because you're like, okay, so you saw my toes. Do you still love me?
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. You're in a relationship, it's gone past the new stage, you're settling in. Very few new discoveries. It's more about just having a consistent presence of someone you are intimate with, etc., etc. You don't need to hear I love you all the time, but you still want to hear it. Am I right? Once in a while. I I absolutely. So here's my plan.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00I'm excited. I think if you use the random type, to me, that's the most important in a mature relationship. The other ones are less meaningful. In a new relationship, probably the reciprocal one is the most important, just hearing it back. It's just like you love that person, but do you love me? As you said, it makes you feel like, okay, I'm not alone in this. It's like the first time you realize, okay, I'm not a stalker. Good. It's like, I thought that if you heard a random I love you, on average, once a month, every month, that that would be enough. My question is, do you think that's too few times? Should it be more? How much more? I've also talked to people who said they don't like it when people say it too much.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It starts feeling overbaked. So my question is, what is the right frequency for a stable relationship? Everybody wants to know.
SPEAKER_02We don't say I love you very often for some of the reasons you've just said, but I'm trying to think, has my partner said, or have I said to my partner, my husband, I love you in the last month? I really don't know.
SPEAKER_00When was the last time?
SPEAKER_02But I feel like it's been a while. I I'm thinking, you know, I he got on a train this morning and went to another part of the state. He's gone for like four or five days, and we didn't even say I love you when we parted ways then.
SPEAKER_00So I'm not saying it has to be said every month. I'm just saying on average, I think it would be good to hear that or to say that, well, both really, on average, once a month to the partner.
SPEAKER_02I think that's excellent. It also makes me think, you know, it is not just my partner's responsibility to say it to me. I could also say it to my partner.
SPEAKER_00So I think as you get into a relationship, that those words become more and more precious because they're not used as often as they were when you first started out. Yeah, definitely. But if you ignore, if you just assume that, you know, because I know there's lots of couples out there that would say, we've been together 30 years and we don't need to, we don't need to have any kind of a rule about that or a system. We just our presence in each other's lives is enough. And it's like, I'm not arguing with that. But we're all humans in the end, and we like hearing those words once in a while.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00And maybe and maybe it's even more important in a longer-term relationship because it's assumed and in its assumption, we forget about the value it holds for people to hear that someone values that that cares about them that much. And every time I talked to someone about this before I talked to you today, they stopped and they said, Wait a minute, I when do I say it? Have I said it lately? And they each said, Oh, now I feel bad.
SPEAKER_01Oh.
SPEAKER_00You know, because they they feel like they haven't been saying it enough. It's a nice thing to say and hear. And when you feel like you're saying it more than the other person, or you're feeling like you need to hear, like they don't seem to need to hear it, but you do, then to me that's symptomatic of some sort of differential power balance of power, which may have more significant causes. You know, maybe there's a problem in the relationship that's not been addressed. If if someone says, What do you want me to say it again?
SPEAKER_02I said it once three years ago. What's your problem?
SPEAKER_00That is the that is as as wrong as I think that answer was, it also is pretty awesome. So I'm advocating for my once-a-month program. Okay, and you just need to set up a tickler.
SPEAKER_02Well, whatever a tickler is, I'm in.
SPEAKER_00I don't know if people use it anymore, and I'm not exactly sure what it is, but there was a time, sometime in the last 25 years, when people started using electronic technology to keep their calendars. And somebody said something about I'll put a tickler in my calendar to remind me about something. And I always was fascinated with that term. And always wondering when I would have another chance to ever use it. And it just came up just now. So I'll, you know, I'll put a tickler. I'll put, I'll give you, I'll I'll send you a tickler once a month so that you'll remember to say your random I love you.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Who is it?
SPEAKER_00And watch your watch your relationship blossom to new heights.
SPEAKER_02That's fantastic. Yeah, I think that your um your plan and your tickler, the added bonus of a tickler is uh absolutely the way we should go with this.
SPEAKER_00And do you agree or disagree that you can overdo the I love you's? You can say them so much that they don't, it almost becomes obnoxious.
SPEAKER_02Uh absolutely. And I think in that case, I think either in the case, even in a very new relationship, it's I really think if you're saying it too much, you're saying it so you can hear it. You're you're calling out an I love you as opposed to Yeah. That's that's that's an insecurity, I think.
SPEAKER_00It's thirsty. It's your it becomes thirsty. It's like I need to hear it. And then if you don't hear it, then the moping begins.
SPEAKER_02Oh no, not the moping.
SPEAKER_00The mopers. No, but I think it's all I think it's it's it's good to it's it's whenever you feel like there's an incongruity in your relationship, whether it's in the I love you department or in any other department, it's important to pay attention to that. Because usually there is something wrong.
SPEAKER_02Ross, you gave me many, many years ago. In fact, I was married to my first husband.
SPEAKER_00Um if it's an STD, I'm saying no, I did not.
SPEAKER_02Well, I I I feel like this is the only way I can tell you about it. Um, so I just, you know what? It's it's yours, and I can't know. You gave me the best relationship or a piece of relationship advice that I have held on to for well over a decade now. And that was the following if you think that there's something wrong, there is.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Why was that so important to you? Because it sounds so obvious.
SPEAKER_02Um, because I was in a really bad relationship where it was very clear that something was wrong, and I was asking you some bit of advice that was very nuanced, and you know, this all these little details and whatever long story, and you're very, you know, you didn't respond to any of the sort of like, well, if he says that, then it's probably, you know, you said that was that was your and I reflected back on what was going on in any time since then that I've been in a relationship where I've been like, I don't know, like this, and if I can ask myself that question and and really think about I it's been accurate 100% of the time. So well, that's great.
SPEAKER_00I think it it's it sounds it is it sounds very simple and and straightforward because it is, but also it's profound because we tend to gaslight ourselves in relationships. We're feeling insecure, we're feeling jealous, we're feeling unloved, we're feeling discounted, we're feeling marginalized, oppressed, abused, or whatever, but then we talk our own selves out of it. Like, well, maybe I should do this, or maybe I misunderstood, or maybe, and it's so it's all about trusting your body and your brain as accurate barometers or thermometers or some kind of meter.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, ticklers as ticklers.
SPEAKER_00Trust your tickler, Amy.
SPEAKER_02Always trust your tickler.
SPEAKER_00Takes a certain amount of confidence to say, I don't even know all the feelings, I don't even know all the reasons, but I don't feel good with this other person right now. And acknowledging that is powerful. Yeah. So good. Well, I'm glad that was useful advice. Now maybe you can help me.
SPEAKER_02I would love to help you.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so we talked about saying I love you to uh romantic partners.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00What about kids? First of all, uh, I guess we should love them.
SPEAKER_02I think so. I think that's generally accepted.
SPEAKER_00How often do you say that you love your own kids? Uh every time you talk to them, once in a while, is it random? Is it based on their pulling their weight?
SPEAKER_02It depends on what they're doing.
SPEAKER_00I love your paycheck and you, the fact that you're holding it and signing it over to me.
SPEAKER_02Now, my kid who lives out of state, we probably talk once or so a week, an average. Um, and uh we certainly say it on the phone when we sign off. And randomly I will just send her an I love you text. But it occurs to me that I don't think I have said I love you to either of my children who are either in-house uh all the time or most of the time, in a long time since maybe they were little.
SPEAKER_00Do they ever say they love you?
SPEAKER_02Each one different. Middle kid, not so much.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, youngest kid all the time. Yeah. Frequently, multiple times daily.
SPEAKER_00Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And is that due to her personality or the uniqueness of your relationship, or is it just because she's the one you actually like the most?
SPEAKER_02She would like for it to be answered C, that I'm her favorite. And in fact, she refers to me as her uh my favorite child. Um, it's her personality. It's um, and I for a while I I don't say resented, but resisted uh saying it all the time for some of the reasons we've just talked about. I feel like it was very like um I want to say perfunctory, but that that may not be the right word, vocabulary word. But that it was always it was just required all the time and it didn't feel very authentic. Um but then I recognized that for her it was really important that this was and this was this was not in the category of already said it once, kid, get over it.
SPEAKER_00I said it when you bursted from my loins.
SPEAKER_02I didn't I didn't put you out in the rain, so you must know I love you. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh uh I know that accent comes from an authentic place since you're from the south. That's right. I'm allowed. I the follow-up question to the follow-up question is for the youngest one that you say I love you to fairly frequently, does saying that because it's important to her, does that change something for you, or are you feeling you're just doing the reciprocation? Like have you changed as a result of saying it more often?
SPEAKER_0299% of the time she says it to me and I say it back to her. Okay. But if if there's a time when she doesn't say it, she's 17 now, so every once in a while, yeah, she'll let it slide. Um, I will say it to her because it's part of our kind of a ritual, I think, but it is notable when I say it to her. Um, and it has a meaning like that's an important exchange, a loving exchange. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I think every time you say I love you, you're making yourself vulnerable to another person. There's risk there. And I wonder if sometimes it becomes more perfunctory as a self-defense mechanism, you know, love ya. Mm-hmm. Love you, bye. You know, it's I'm putting this out there, but I'm not making myself as vulnerable as when I say, hey, I love you. Yeah. And just hard stop, you know, right there. That's it. Um, it's not because you're leaving, it's not because you did anything, it's because I feel that way and I want to share it. And I wonder about if you get into the habit of making yourself vulnerable, if in fact your relationship softens. I always feel like we're in the process of um, and it's just natural, I think, for humans to always be like protecting themselves.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And one way to protect yourself against emotional injury is to be kind of stingy with your love.
SPEAKER_02Oh. That's true.
SPEAKER_00I'm sure you love your kids, you would say you love your kids. They're all different, but you love them for different reasons. But in the end, your your love for each of them is the same. But who's the best kid? Which kid would you keep and which kid would you trade? So you've got three kids.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Oh, you know the answer. I always I wouldn't trade any of them. Oh, I love them all very deeply.
SPEAKER_00I believed my parents loved me, but I wouldn't say they liked me so much. Okay. But I also didn't expect them to like me like a buddy. Yes. I felt like they loved me. They demonstrated that, they told me that many, many times in many ways, but did they like me?
SPEAKER_01Hmm.
SPEAKER_00Hmm. Maybe sometimes. But today I think parents really like their kids a lot.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Am I wrong?
SPEAKER_02Um, I really like my kids. I can I can say for that, yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_00So I was thinking about that, and I was thinking you'd probably say that, that there's nothing wrong with liking, there's nothing wrong with liking your kids and buying them a bike helmet. And so I agree with that. You should buy them a bike helmet. But I feel like there's something else that happened, and that is yes, love, maybe like, but it seems like parents, some parents seem to idolize their kids a little bit.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna stop short of that. I think I think I'm not going there. I can't, that's too much.
SPEAKER_00I was reading an article about rich people, and they had to be rich. They were throwing these crazy elaborate birthday parties for their young children, like building an entire circus set complete with everything. Jeez, Louise, spending tens of thousands of dollars for like a five-year-old birthday party.
SPEAKER_02Terrible.
SPEAKER_00And so there's all kinds of ways to pick at that. But I think it got kind of to me, it fits into this thing I'm saying is like somehow along the way, kids became too precious.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that I was that the exact phrase that I was thinking of is you're special, but you're just not precious. Just can't be precious.
SPEAKER_00Are you gonna say that to me, or were you gonna no to about kids?
SPEAKER_02I think that's the way we teach our kids that they're just so precious. That's just too much. They're special, they're not precious.
SPEAKER_00Because I I I want you to think I'm precious.
SPEAKER_02You are so precious.
SPEAKER_00I believe it. Even though you know why I believe that because I believe that because we're not having sex.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that's how I know it's real. At this moment, at this very moment, across the miles, that is not happening.
SPEAKER_00It seemed important to parents for the last 20 to 30 years to really make sure their kids have a wonderful childhood.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_00Whatever that might mean, and whatever sacrifice that requires.
SPEAKER_02That definitely happened after I grew up. That was not part of the parenting plan. And not that my parents were they're amazing, they're good parents, they gave me tons of skills, but that was not part of it.
SPEAKER_00My parents didn't, you know, they weren't worried about my childhood. Didn't think about it.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00I was alive. What else did I want?
SPEAKER_02Check. I told you I loved you.
SPEAKER_00You're alive, and that's what their childhood was like. I mean, they had different backgrounds, but it was basically you're you're alive. Because you know, the investment we put in kids, you know it's not gonna be paid back, they're not paying it back. As soon as they can beat it, they're gonna beat it. They're out. Yeah. And they don't remember anything.
SPEAKER_02No, and then they resent you for either doing all the things or doing some not doing something that they really wanted to do, but you made them do this other thing.
SPEAKER_00That's yeah, they remember the stuff that you don't want them to remember. Oh, always. They I have a daughter who now doesn't remember anything. Like all these cool things we did, even when she was old enough to have a memory. She acts like she's doing them? No, it's oh, I never I don't remember doing that. And it's like it was a significant thing. Like she's 12 years old. You should remember something at 12.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, maybe it's because there were just too many. I did too many nice things for them, and they just all blended together into a big mishmash of zip.
SPEAKER_02I yes. And do you imagine that some of these things we did were they things that we feel like we missed out on, like, or that we should have had as kids that that these were like we must have thought that why do we think these things were necessary? Why didn't we just parent our kids the same way we were parented?
SPEAKER_00There was a sense that, hey, I I didn't get what I felt I should have gotten. And I want to make sure, doubly sure, that my kid gets everything.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Whether it's material things, and some for for some people with money, it's material things. I want to make sure they have the best of everything. But also emotional things like I'm gonna be totally involved with them, I'm gonna be playing them special music in utero.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna read all these birthing books, I'm gonna do all these things that parents never did, you know, for kids. I'm gonna make sure they get to every heart's desire is gonna be realized. I'm gonna try to get them in the best schools, and if they have a bad experience in school, I'm gonna go down and complain. I mean, it's just like they became advocates for their kids. And again, to a certain extent, that's good. Sure. I just felt like it went too far. For sure.
SPEAKER_02There's a lot of kid-led activities. So the kid, what is what does the child want to do? Do they want to nap now? Do they want to go to the party? Like asking kids what they want to do, which I find difficult too.
SPEAKER_00There's a tension between wanting to do the best for your kid and be a good parent, and then preparing them for the real world. Because the real world is harsh, right? It can be mean, it can be unfair, and it doesn't care the same way. It cares very little about any individual in a world that where everything you don't always get what you want, people don't always like you, they don't always think you're great. Some people just want to hurt you, and you have to be, you know, aware, you have to be ready, you have to be on guard sometimes where people don't think you're special just because you showed up on time. Yes. You're you've taught kids, like college kids, right? Yes. Do you ever see any kids who just like, well, I'm here. Isn't that enough for you?
SPEAKER_02Uh so many. It's so it's so disheartening. Yeah. And yes, a real lack of responsibility for one's own destiny, I think is the the way I kind of sell my students a lot.
SPEAKER_00So being responsible for one's own destiny.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I just felt like there was so much done to metaphorically put helmets and pads on kids' lives, you know, so they just wouldn't get hurt. You heard about these parents who tried to cheat their kids into college. Like that. It's like I'm I'm so invested in my kid. They're so important to me in a certain way that I will secretly cheat them into college so they can go to a fancy school and ostensibly have a better life because of it. Like to me, that's that's an example of it just the whole thing just going off the rails. We're so worried about giving them optimal experiences. And I think what's interesting about all that is that's again, even though now we're talking about 30 years or whatever it's been, it's still a very short window of time where this has ever been a thing. Because before that, as a kid, you were just lucky to live another day.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I mean, the child mortality was off the charts, you know, a few hundred years ago. Forget about it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00If you were a kid, you better say I love you to that kid because they're gonna be dead.
SPEAKER_02Literally, like it's really important because you never know which moment is your last.
SPEAKER_00So I think we should say I love you to our partners once a month. We should probably do that with our kids in the random, the random I love you's once a month on average.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00Uh, but if there's a kid you don't like as much, you could do it once every two months or three months.
SPEAKER_02Whenever it occurs to you.
SPEAKER_00Look, not every kid is lovable. Can we just say that out loud?
SPEAKER_02It's fair. It's fair. There's some other people's kids that I don't love at all.
SPEAKER_00So, you know, if you happen to be a parent of a kid, you know, maybe you could get them uh a candy bar. Wait, what's the candy bar? The candy bar is an expression of parental concern that stops short of saying I love you because you don't. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02It's a consolation candy bar.
SPEAKER_00You could have a candy bar tickler to remind you to give a candy bar every few months because you don't really love the kid. I think a lot of parents love their children. Sure. I I think that's probably a safe thing to say. But I bet a lot don't say it.
SPEAKER_02Almost certainly, yes.
SPEAKER_00I think there's a lot of power in those words. And I think even if you're in a long-term relationship, it's important to set up your tickler and get those said. And because I think it's good for the other person, but I think it's good for us to say those words to people.
SPEAKER_02So this has really all been mostly to set up the idea of a tickler.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Nicely done, sir. It unfolded beautifully.
SPEAKER_00May I say, as we're now about to sign off, may I say, Amy, I love you.
SPEAKER_02Oh, Ross, I was really, I'm gonna be honest. From the from the moment you introduced the topic, I thought, I hope the end of this is Ross saying, I love you. And Ross, I love you too. Yes, I love you as well.
SPEAKER_00I am uh I feel much gratitude that you are in my life. And don't you feel better now that you said it? Absolutely. Yes. And you did not require a tickler.
SPEAKER_02I didn't need a tickler, but I might need one before the next time. Not because I won't think of it, but because I might not remember to say it.
SPEAKER_00Or because you just like getting the tickler. I mean, sometimes that can be the reward.
SPEAKER_02The tickler is the reward. Getting the tickler is the reward.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for being here, Amy. It's always good to have you on the show, and thank you to everyone for being here. Wherever you hail from, this is where you belong. We like having you. If you're a regular fan of the show, you are always appreciated. And if that's all you do is listen, that's enough. But if you have the opportunity to help us grow our little community into a bigger little community, you know we appreciate it. We'd love to hear from you. Do reach out, we always respond. And we hope you will tune in to another episode because whether you are just so, so precious or just someone setting up a tickler, it's important to remember that we all smell like humans. Goodbye, everybody.