SPEAKER_02 0:00

Are you gonna have sex on your wedding night?

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_02 0:05

Welcome to another episode of Smells Like Humans. This is the podcast where we explore the curious things people do, the very human things that grab our attention and cause us to wonder what now and why. I'm Ross, your host, and my guest today is a sparkling, shiny, irresistibly charming human who I would count myself lucky to have as my personal pan parole officer. It's Jamie. Welcome everyone to the show. We are delighted to be here, and we are delighted you have joined us. Please write us a five-star sparkling review, and we will likely read that on an upcoming episode. We're recording this on Canada Day.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

I think today is Canada Day, and the only reason I know that is because I was at a pre-Canada Day party last night with a bunch of Canadians.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

Okay. Sounds fun.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

It was fun. Canada Day, I think, is like our 4th of July, but maybe less uh maybe just nicer.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

I I I think it's some they develop some sort of independent relationship with Great Britain. They're still part of it, but somehow they got their own room or Happy Canada Day Canada Day to all of our Canadian people who listen to the show. Thank you. We know something very important. That despite everything. Humans still like to get married.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

Often there's a wedding ceremony, sometimes grand, sometimes simple, and there is a tradition of sex on the wedding night. And you're wondering, I know you're sitting there wondering what is the history of this. Well, as you may recall, back in the day, the happy couple was supposed to be virginal.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

And then the wedding night was supposed to be the night of sex. And in some cultures, that was the way you formalize the union by getting your getting your nasty on, or whatever it was called. Uh-huh. And in sometimes, and in some places, this was a community event. The community would witness the betting ceremony.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

Either directly. Either directly, like standing around and watch to make sure it happened, or indirectly, where they would check to see if there was uh evidence. Oh, okay. Some kind of activity, put it that way.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

That's uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

So the basic thing was you can't have it, but then you have to have it.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:44

You go from you can't have it and then you have to have it. Okay. But it turns out that today in this fine country, known as the United States, 95% of the people have had sex before marriage, according to some surveys. Yes. That's almost everybody.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

As you should.

SPEAKER_02 3:02

Sixty percent, though, don't have sex on their wedding night. They don't have it. By the way, I know I knew I know a guy, although we're not currently in touch with each other.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

But his thing and I'm not making this up, his thing was to have sex at other people's weddings.

SPEAKER_01 3:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

With his like at the actual wedding? Yeah. Well, no, at the reception.

SPEAKER_01 3:27

Like find a bathroom or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

Okay. Bush. A closet. Okay. A lean to, a cabana, a broken down car.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

All right.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

But it would have to be at that was their thing. That was their hobby. And they would go to lots of these th receptions. I assume they were invited. I don't know if that was part of it. Yeah. Um anyway.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

I don't judge. By the way, it may be fun.

SPEAKER_02 3:55

Okay, I know. You're not a judger. And that's that's you keep me in check. Like that's not weird. What's wrong with it?

SPEAKER_01 4:01

I mean, yeah, public I can see that maybe there would be a a thrill-seeking element.

SPEAKER_02 4:07

When I'm hitting the buffet for the third time, I don't want to notice two people going at it like wild monkeys under the gotta do it before the buffet.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

You're full of a meal and you're telling me you're gonna get freaky? No. Oh, you're that's a pre-meal.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

Oh yeah, you don't wanna be loaded down with chips and dip. Um, speaking of weird stuff, I got this neighbor right now. He's an older gentleman. Nice guy. Sure. But the way the building is arranged, if he cranes his head around his little balcony, he can look into my window. And he does that.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Okay. All right.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

And he does it with like a not a it's not doesn't look like he's sneaking. He's want like he's like, hey, howdy, hi, neighbor. I don't know what he's doing. But if I'm there and all of a sudden somebody, somebody's uh gob comes whipping around a corner, it's kind of freaky.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

I don't care for that.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

I don't want that.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

No.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

I feel like when you live in a building, there's an it's understood that you look a you don't look in people's windows, even if you can. And if you are looking, you gotta do it in a way that's sneaky. Yeah, sneaky look.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

But just don't whip your head in the view like Heidi Ho.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

No.

SPEAKER_02 5:14

He doesn't wave, he just has this kind of weird grin on his face.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 5:19

So I don't know that's worse. I don't know what to do about it. I want to give him I want to give him some grace.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

But it's still freaking me out.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:26

Okay, so we did a show on weddings way back when it was something called In Search of the Cringe Free Wedding. And I recommend you go back and listen to that just for fun. Uh, incidentally, I've been to many weddings, including my own weddings, had several, and I've also attended various weddings. And I feel like there are some bad signs. Okay. Nothing to do with uh wedding night sex. We are gonna get to that. Yeah. We will be getting to wedding night sex very soon. Bad signs. I want to know if you agree or disagree, because frequently you disagree with me, and that's fine. We're we're we're of different eras and we also come from different points of view. So we're not always going to agree, Jane. That's great. That's good. That's what makes the world go round or something. Bad signs. If you see either partner getting toasted, drunk, wasted, I don't think that's a good sign for the wedding.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

I think you let people have a good time. It's your wedding. I worry that go nuts.

SPEAKER_02 6:31

I worry that they feel like they made a mistake and they're trying to numb it all and make it go away.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

I think that they didn't eat enough that day because they were trying to look cute in their wedding outfit. Oh, and now they're and then they start having the drinks and the two drinks feel like sex.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

Okay. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. They've probably been under a lot of stress.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

Heck yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:52

And so they're they have a couple of drinks and they're immediately blasted.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:58

And they're just go with it.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

They paid for it. Let them live their life.

SPEAKER_02 7:02

If if I just feel if somebody's holding the holding somebody's hair, it's a bad it's a bad thing for a wedding.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

I feel like that's a supportive partner that would hold your hair.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

What about uh during the ceremony either partner starts crying?

SPEAKER_01 7:16

Oh, I'm definitely gonna cry. But like your own wedding? Oh, definitely. I'm just a crier though, Ross. I'm a cancer. I I'm uh just a water sign. I cry at I cry at commercials.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

Well, well, no, I do all that, but I think if you're getting married and you're crying, it's a bad sign. Like when it's a good cry.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

I cry at every wedding when they do the vows. Of course. But every time.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

I find that I so I'm just thinking that if either partner starts bawling their head off, it's a bad sign. But you're saying no, that's just part of it I think it's a good sign.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

I feel like it's like you're you're feeling the your emotions very heavily because you're like so happy.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

Okay. It's so it's tears.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

I cry when I'm too happy, I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I get frustrated.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

So You're constantly crying.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

I'm a ball bag, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

You're a ball bag. I have never heard that expression.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Ball bag. And I don't get really, really mad very often, but it's not great. Ball bag. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:17

I like that. I've never heard I've heard that expression, but never used a a B-A-W L bag.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Ball bag. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:27

Interesting. So but uh so you've already um Oh, and then another sign is the violent cake smash, the cake eating ends up with people on the floor grappling.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

You paid thousands and thousands of dollars for a dress and a tuxedo and you're gonna get a bunch of frosting all over it.

SPEAKER_02 8:45

I just think whatever you're wearing or you paid for your makeup to get done. Whatever the deal is, I just feel like you shouldn't be smashing your partner's face with cake. Yeah. Feed cake if you must. No way we're doing that. And I hate that. I just feel like it's a bad sign for the marriage. Like I think if either partner gets drunk, cries, or violent cake smash, that marriage isn't going to last six months.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

My we my brother just got married and we went to his wedding. It was very small, he was just at their house, and uh we got to the cake portion of it. And my brother's very much like me, where he's like a hard no on the cake face smash. But his his fe uh his husband's um mother-in-law was like very adamant, oh you have to do the cake smash, you have to do you have to smash it in this and they just both like stared at her like no good for them. She kept trying to like push the cake face smash, you have to do it, and why is that so good? You gotta stop, it's not happening.

SPEAKER_02 9:43

Okay, I I agree. That I just I I really advocate for people not for some reason, but they it's like watching wrestling, but these people have just promised and pledged their love for each other for some length of time, yeah, a couple weeks at least.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:59

And they're just treating each other like um frat buddies or something, like on a bender. It's like, no, come on, have some tenderness. This is a person you respect and love.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Right.

SPEAKER_02 10:11

And you're not doing this for the other people. Like, that's part of it. It's like I'm gonna do this to show my my side of the aisle that I whatever I'm disrespecting.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

It doesn't mean it needs to continue. It doesn't need it's a shitty turn.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

Okay, here's another bad sign. But it's it's the choreographed dance. Now it's not a bad sign for the happy couple, it's a bad sign for everyone who has to watch it. Right, yes, it ruins the we the reception for everyone else except the people performing it, because no matter how good it is, it's still time you can't get back.

SPEAKER_01 10:46

Yeah. It's like the father-daughter dance is kind of cute, the mom dance, you know, whatever, the family dance, like it's kind of cute. But after so many minutes of watching somebody else, like standing in a circle and watching somebody else dance, it gets kind of weird.

SPEAKER_02 11:01

Yeah, I don't want to do it. So and I don't want to think about all the time they had to put into doing this group dance. Right. And it's cute and funny, but it's not really like you wouldn't actually choose to watch it.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:13

But you're there, you're a captive audience. I'm a no on that, but it's not it's not a bad sign for the for the partners. It's just a bad sign of it. Just for the guests. It's killing the guests. You're ruining their life.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

Right.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

Okay, so Jamie, you have already said you're getting married sometime in the future. We don't know when.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

Who knows?

SPEAKER_02 11:30

And I'm not going to be so crass as to ask you about your wedding night plans, but generally speaking, are you gonna have sex on your wedding night?

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Absolutely not. I feel like you've already decided Jordan asked me what we were talking about today, and I said this, and then we talked about it, and we were all on the same page.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

Fantastic.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

No, I will not be doing that. Okay. I feel like the wedding day. Okay, maybe you have a bang in the morning. Maybe before.

SPEAKER_02 12:01

Sweet, sweet morning bang of the wedding. Morning of the wedding.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Yeah, have a nice morning bang before you've eaten. Get it over. Whatever. Yeah. Do that first. Because at the wedding, you're gonna be you're s you're gonna be doing so many things, plus eating and drinking and socializing, whatever. By the end of the wedding, I I have a social battery that only lasts so long.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

Right.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

Right?

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Right.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

And I feel like by the end of a wedding, it will be at negative 36. I don't want to do anything or see anybody or talk to anybody. You'll be exhausted and full of food and drinks, and that is not a recipe for a good bang.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

I think that's um great advice. I a lot of people have made come to the same conclusion, either uh intentionally or unintentionally. By the time they get away from the reception and wherever they end up, they're just toasted, they're tired. Even if they haven't been drinking or doing any substances, they just feel like they are wasted and they just want to go to sleep.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

And I think in the past there was a lot of pressures, like, no, but you have to do this because there's this long-running convention of like this is how you consummate a marriage, even though, as I said, most people have already had sex before they get married. So it doesn't really make any sense. No. And more and more people are just doing this what you're doing. It's like, we're just not gonna do that.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Right.

SPEAKER_02 13:32

I like the idea of getting it out of the way in the morning, but I uh am a big believer in the reverse date.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

If you're having sex with somebody at that level, get it out of the way and then go out to dinner.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

Yes, nobody wants to bang after you've had a bunch of food.

SPEAKER_02 13:47

Yeah, you're sitting there with a leg of lamb in your stomach.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

It's not sexy.

SPEAKER_02 13:51

You got pork chop breath.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

And you're you're like, you're like comatose from eating so much, like yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:57

And it's just like, uh, and you're tired of staying up to like two in the morning to hit it, and it's like, no, I got nothing. So uh, so I I'm a big proponent of like if this is where we're going, let's go there now. Right. And then the rest of the evening can be just ridiculously relaxed. Yeah, we can just be relaxed. And and if something happens later, it does, but we're not really taking it off the table right away. So good. Um, I think that's a great idea, and I think it's perfectly fine to, and I think it's great that you discussed it. Yeah. So I feel like the show is helping people, if maybe just you. Because you had this conversation so that the expectations are clear. When on when I got married the first time, I was very young, we did not have this conversation. We didn't really have any of these, you know, modern conversations. It was so we got married and we had planned, we were very naive, travelers, and we had planned a trip to Hawaii, uh-huh, which I'd never been to. And you know, this is back at a time when you would go to a travel agent's office and you would plan your vacation. We'd put a lot of time into this. Yeah. And if you're a naive traveler, even today it's probably true, if you make your reservations in advance, like mu like months in advance, and you've planned everything out, you're you are really surprised when things don't go right. Because just like you, I've spent so much time planning. Totally. It's like more tragic when things don't work out because you think, like, how can it go wrong? We did so much planning.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

Right.

SPEAKER_02 15:34

Um, although I think people are more sophisticated travelers today and they know the airlines are out to ruin their lives.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:41

We get to the airport, long story short, we get bumped off our flight.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

Oh, no.

SPEAKER_02 15:45

We can't believe it. We can't believe it's like, what? This is our honeymoon. We're bumped off our flight. We go through hours of trying to negotiate something with the airline. And by the end of it, we uh can't go to Hawaii. We there's no other way to get there. Our luggage went. Oh no. That was the last time I ever checked a bag on an airplane.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

Yeah, I never check a bag.

SPEAKER_02 16:08

Yeah, not anymore. That was the last time. Our luggage went to Hawaii right away.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:12

It was there. Ready to go on a carousel at some tropical location. We're stuck back at LAX, and the only thing we can do is retreat to an airport hotel. You know how those suck. Yeah. Airport hotels, they always smell like cigarettes and bad ideas. So we go to an airport hotel. It's very late. We've had a, of course, the whole wedding day was stressful for all kinds of reasons. We got married, it was fine. We spent all this time at the airport when we were supposed to be enjoying our beautiful flight to Hawaii, and instead, we were wrestling with airlines and arguing with people and trying to figure out where our luggage was. We end up in some airport hotel at like 12 o'clock at night. We're exhausted. We don't have any clothes because we had we didn't have like any go bag to go with us for an emergency. Like now, you like carry your extra and you uh stick, you know. I even carry tampons in my pocket. I don't use them, but I just want to be ready for anything. You don't know what's gonna happen. So, um, so all of this is happening, but we're sitting there and we finally get into bed and turn off the lights, and I'm thinking to myself, Well, yeah, I think we're supposed to have sex. So I reach over and touch my then wife, like on the shoulder, in a like the way you do.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:31

And she says, No.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

And um were you relieved or uh concerned?

SPEAKER_02 17:40

Well, that's a really good question. I didn't realize that she was meant forever. I think I still would have gone for it.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:52

Because at that time in my life I always thought it was a good idea.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

You were young.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

I was only like 22 or 23 or whatever it was.

SPEAKER_01 18:00

So I you're still good to go.

SPEAKER_02 18:02

I was well, it was always felt like, hey, if there's an opportunity, you take the opportunity if it's consensual, because you know, yeah, that's just what you do. You don't waste an opportunity. But it was clear it was an emphatic no, and I couldn't argue with it because I was also exhausted. It just felt more like a little disappointment. Gotcha. But at the same time, a lot of that disappointment was informed by the cultural expectation of it, not because I actually thought it was a good idea. I didn't really think it was a I mean, I I I I went through the same thing that she'd gone through, and that was absolutely the right call. But um, but I felt this pressure. I don't and I it seems like less and less people feel this pressure these days. Like it's there's just everyone's just a little more uh intelligent about these kinds of things. And I think people talk more about this kinds of things openly than than we used to. It was just like, well, this is what you do when you're married, as opposed to no, we decide what we do. Yeah, like just like the mother-in-law, whoever, saying, Yeah, smash the face with the cake. And they're like, no, we decide. We're not doing this, we're not doing this performance for you. Yeah. Uh why don't you just tune in some wrestling? Do they still have wrestling? Yeah, of course so. Yeah. Do you ever watch The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, the Glow?

SPEAKER_01 19:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 19:27

That was pretty awesome.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

That was a good show.

SPEAKER_02 19:29

But there was actually based on a real thing. But yeah, the show is cool too.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:35

So uh if you're not having sex on your wedding night, there's nothing wrong. It's actually an intelligent thing to do for a lot of people. And uh, but it is good to talk about it. Definitely. I think make it uh make it an intentional thing, a decision. And if you it's really important for you to have sex on your wedding day, as Jamie recommends, wake up and bang. Yes, set your alarm early. And uh that could be a TV show.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

The m the morning bang.

SPEAKER_02 20:02

Morning bang. With Jamie and Ross, not in the way I'm saying. Together, but not together, but separately.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

Separate but equal.

SPEAKER_02 20:10

Separately, but yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 20:12

We will work on that.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

We'll work out the kinks.

SPEAKER_02 20:14

I I have a related thing I want to check in with you about briefly because we I think we've covered wedding sex as much as we possibly can. So, bachelorette parties.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 20:25

Um, I've been reading about an alternative to the standard bachelorette party where you get together with your mates and run amok for an evening or sometimes at a resort for several days or whatever, right? Uh-huh. What is your plan before I go into the alternative? Are you having one? Do you have you thought about it?

SPEAKER_01 20:46

I haven't really thought about it. Um, I don't think uh either Jordan nor I are into like the the standard uh bachelor, bachelorette party. Um so I mean he might go do something with his friends.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

But I mean, I think it's more likely we would just go somewhere with our friends, you know, go for like a weekend with our friends, you know.

SPEAKER_02 21:14

Right. That sounds fun. I've been reading about something called the solo moon.

SPEAKER_01 21:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 21:20

That's some people call it that. Basically, it's um bachelorettes who go off on a trip or an experience, or even if it's just a day-long spa day, but they do it by themselves.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

Oh. No, I'm not into that.

SPEAKER_02 21:37

Why not? You already so let me let me tell you what a couple of these people did. So this one woman planned her own itinerary for a week, which included spa treatments, healing work, a sound bath, Reiki, and plenty of resort activities such as water aerobics and pickleball.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 21:58

And uh she saw it as a week of. Rest, self-care, and indulgence before the wedding, you know, after doing all that planning and stuff, you need a break. Um, she had everything she wanted, and she just didn't have anybody with her. It was all by herself.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

Well, that's lovely.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

She described it as a stress-free process. She says, I didn't want anyone asking me questions about what to do, where to eat, where to go. I just wanted to be pampered.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

Okay. I feel like I do that uh most days.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

That's your daily.

SPEAKER_01 22:33

I'm like a very independent person and I like to do my own thing, you know, and then I'll like allow my significant other to h hang out with me for a while until I need to be alone again. Um so I think it would it wouldn't be that would just be like a normal kind of a weekend for me. But um having something with my friends would be more unique and more fun for me.

SPEAKER_02 22:58

And that's that's the tradition. Some of those parties though get kind of complicated to organize depending on how big the group is.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

I don't have that many friends.

SPEAKER_02 23:07

So Okay, well, I'm sorry. And then there's the expense, uh sometimes they get very expensive to put on, and it's always a question of who can afford it and who's being who's paying for it and that kind of thing. Uh the woman, this one woman in this article, which I'll post in the show notes, said that some of her friends did not like it. They felt left out and they didn't like that.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

They didn't get like enough attention from her.

SPEAKER_02 23:35

They didn't like that well, they didn't like that she chose to go off by herself for her bachelorette party. Like, why didn't I have gone with you?

SPEAKER_01 23:42

That's not about you.

SPEAKER_02 23:43

Well, but you know, some people feel like it's selfish to just do that on your own.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

Well, it's your wedding, you do whatever you want.

SPEAKER_02 23:52

That is the theme of this episode. You get to do what you want. Yes. Uh, but some people say that solo bachelorettes deprive friends and family of a final send-off for the bride, dashing their expectations of a traditional celebration. That's a quote I'm reading. I mean, come on, really.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Here's the thing. Okay. Like, if you're getting married to somebody, right? Like you've probably been together for a decent amount of time, right?

SPEAKER_02 24:26

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

Hopefully.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

Usually it's been a fortnight, usually at the minimum.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

Maybe probably living together already.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

Probably in a lot of cases, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Like, what's the difference really, besides having the legalities and the piece of paper? I just feel like it's rude of the friends to put that on you. Like the situation's not really changing. I just feel like you want to get away from your own life for a minute. In which case, you can go take your own damn vacation. It's not the bride's or groom's job to entertain you for that.

SPEAKER_02 25:03

Right. Right. And uh, you know, weddings sometimes I liked you said um, I think you said somebody, I think it was your brother had a really simple ceremony. I love those. I also there's a trend now that I've noticed, I don't know if it's a trend, but I have noticed more than a few people telling me that the wedding is super small and then they open up the reception.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

That's how it should be.

SPEAKER_02 25:26

And I I like that. I frankly don't want to be invited to the wedding.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

Nobody wants to sit through the vows and it's not a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

Yeah, or but I like the weddings that are short and concise and just knock it out and get it done and so we can get to the food and drink. That's all we want to do as a guest. We're only showing up for the grub. Yeah. Really.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

Really.

SPEAKER_02 25:46

And if I don't have to go to the wedding part, yeah. You know, I've been to I went to a wedding recently and it was just really good. It was a simple ceremony, it was well done. Uh, and immediately, I mean, you show up and you're given a glass of champagne, you're you have it's like you're you feel pampered yourself as a guest, and everything goes along very quickly and nicely, and next thing you know, you're in the buffet line and the food is great.

SPEAKER_01 26:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:11

And that's a fun time.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

Totally. That's exactly how my brother's wedding was. It was a really cute, very short ceremony, and then we went to lunch after.

SPEAKER_02 26:18

Yes. It's great. Yes, I love those, and I love this trend, but there are still people. I was just talking to someone who said there's drama in their family because somebody is getting married and they're just inviting like a very, very tight number of family members, so not the whole family gets to come to the wedding, and then they're all invited to the reception, and there's drama. Like, how come I'm not on the inside list of the seven people that get to go? Yeah. And it's like, wow, I would just be so grateful. Like, yes, thank you for not inviting me right to the wedding, yeah. And only the reception, because that's really all I want to do. So you're like, yes, you're helping me right now. I think a lot of people, you know, if they drop the ego, like about oh, I guess I'm not important enough, it's like, no, just show up at the reception, have a good time, and celebrate these people. It's their day, yeah, and you should be supportive. Stop worrying about when you get invited or who's invited. And if you don't get invited, that's okay too. You can't invite everybody anyway. Yeah, but the they've become very complicated and expensive. And I just think you should not start off a life together, no matter what your situation is, by spending a bunch of dough, drain all your savings for a party. You can have a party whenever you want, or get your parents, or take out a loan, or sell your house, or whatever. It's like, no, just everybody's gonna be fine with a small, simple ceremony, and then have a find a way for people to participate in a group activity, like show up. It could be a picnic, we don't care. We just want to have fun. Yeah, it's I think it I think simplifying is is good. Definitely. Okay, well, you won't be going on a solo bachelorette trip.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

No, I shan't.

SPEAKER_02 27:58

Okay, so I will expect to be included in whatever it is you do.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

You will, definitely.

SPEAKER_02 28:03

I'll go along uh and just I'll just hang back in a weird, weird way, like my neighbor looking through the window. It's like, what are you doing right now? You need to stop it. I hear that a lot. Uh, thanks for talking to me about uh wedding nights and sharing your plans. You were very forthcoming. I think people will use you as they always do as a role model when it comes to things having to do with relationships because you're in a healthy one, even though there have been times when you won't introduce me to your partner and it's weird. And thanks everyone for joining us for this episode. If you like what we're doing, the most important thing you can do right now, two things really. If you really like what we're doing and you really want us to continue, you gotta step up to the plate and leave us a five-star glowing, sparkling review on Apple Podcasts. We will read it on the air and give you full credit for doing that for us. So thank you in advance. And the other thing you can do is just reach out and let us know that you like us uh and you like what we're doing. You can do that on Instagram, you can do that uh by sending us an email, which is in the show notes. We love hearing from people, we always respond. That is what you need to do right now if you want us to keep going, because that's what we live on. We live on that feedback. Doing a podcast is a lonely, sick business. And by the way, it's even worse now because most people who start a podcast like we did it during the pandemic, we're doing it out of desperation. But then the pandemic kind of lessened and they got over it. They stopped doing it. Yeah. And here we are, we're still doing it. So we definitely have emotional issues that you can help us with. And I say we, I mean me. We all know I'm talking about me. Damien is perfectly well. Uh she's secure, she's stable, she's got it going on. And we hope you will tune in to another episode because whether you are someone who likes to wake up and bang, or just someone reduced to a ball bag of tears, it's important to remember that we all smell like humans. Goodbye, everybody.

SPEAKER_01 30:11

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 30:12

The the moose were left alone. Something was the beavers were given a ride. I don't know what Canada Day is, but happy Canada Day.