Smells Like Humans
Top 5% global podcast! Smells Like Humans is a seasonal podcast dedicated to bringing a humorous perspective to quirky and curious aspects of human behavior. Each show, the SLH crew will focus on a different topic, and share personal stories and observations in a way that sounds like you’re hanging out with your funny friends. The stories and commentary are presented with humor and warmth, since let’s face it: we all smell like humans. (Contact us: contactSLH19581980@gmail.com)
Smells Like Humans
TEDDY BEARS, TWIZZLERS OR METH: HOW DO YOU "SELF-SOOTHE"?
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Regulars Ami and Robb join Ross for a discussion of the fact that some adults use stuffed animals for "self-soothing" . Tangents include: Mysterious kangaroo bulges; ; The Surrogate Mother Study NOT The Executive Monkey Study; ASMR; bed pillows on airplanes; and why Ross can't count on people with bedazzled jeans.
Notes:
- https://www.vox.com/2015/7/15/8965393/asmr-video-youtube-autonomous-sensory-meridian-response
- https://www.theguardian.com/global/2020/jan/05/bears-lifeline-adults-who-sleep-with-soft-toys
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shame/201806/no-shame-in-adult-comfort-dolls
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-guest-room/201407/more-just-teddy-bears
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stonewall-strong/202012/why-we-need-our-teddies-and-winnie-the-pooh-too
- https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/20/reader-center/adults-with-stuffed-animals.html
Contact us: contactSLH19581980@gmail.com
Is that okay?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I mean, well, okay, what is it? I suppose is it a What is it? A teddy bear, that's fine. Yeah. I don't have a problem with that.
SPEAKER_01It's let's say it's a kangaroo with a large penis.
SPEAKER_02That might be a different story.
SPEAKER_00Welcome to another episode of Smells Like Humans. This is the podcast where we explore the curious things that people do, the very human things that grab our attention and cause us to wonder and why. I'm Ross, your host, and today my guests are regulars and my very good friends Amy. Hello, Amy. Hello, Ross. And Rob. Hello, Rob.
SPEAKER_01Amy's hello, Ross. Hi, everybody. What did you like about it? I don't know. It seemed um. I don't know. It was like a showman show. It was a hello, Ross. Like, I don't know.
SPEAKER_02I was doing my circus character.
SPEAKER_01Oh. Oh, wait, I didn't get circus. I got well, like a top hat. Okay, three rings circumstances. Okay. You were introducing the show, right? Ring Master. Here comes the Acrobats.
SPEAKER_00And welcome to everyone, wherever you may be. Thanks for joining us today. And please help us stay commercial free by supporting us on Patreon if you're able. Now, let's talk. Many of us humans, when we were younger, had a stuffed animal or two, or maybe more, maybe a little blanket or something similar. But at some point, we got older and moved on to other sources of comfort, in my case, alcohol and Cheetos. But for more than a few adult humans, stuffed animals still provide a reliable source of comfort, especially in the stressful and uncertain times we live in right now. So today we're going to take a look at this phenomenon known as self-soothing. But as always, from a place of empathy and curiosity sense, we're all in this thing together. So, Amy, starting with you, when you were a kid, did you have a stuffed animal? Did you have like a favorite stuffy?
SPEAKER_02I had a fleet of stuffed animals. In fact, I would build a little wall of stuffed animals in my bed. I had a full-size bed and around me, and then I would sleep in the center of all of these stuffed animals. Um, and I I would try it as we were thinking about this. I can't, I love them all equally. So I can't, I there was not a favorite. And I also had um two very special blankets until my mom finally made me not have a blanket anymore. I think I was maybe eight, like I was way past the point where you should be carrying a blanket around. But I had two blankets, one, and they were both baby blankets. So they stayed in the sea of stuffed animals until I could no longer have them because my mom wouldn't allow me to anymore.
SPEAKER_00Your mom made the call.
SPEAKER_02She did.
SPEAKER_00Your mom made the call, and you um, how did you feel when that happened? Were you okay with that?
SPEAKER_02Oh, so I was I remember uh I the heartbreak of having to let go. Like it it felt very uh it felt very similar. I didn't know at the time, but later on when my parents dropped me off at college and they drove away, and I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I'm really all alone. That's kind of the way I feel when blanky went away. Yeah, no blanky. What are you supposed to do when you're sad and there's no blanky? So yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So that's interesting. Rob, how about you? Did you have a stuffed animal toy or anything like it?
SPEAKER_01So I I did, and and then there was an incident, and I didn't anymore. Oh no, this was um, so I had a uh it was a life size grover. Now life size being the actual size of the the the puppet muppet Grover. And it had the think it's like you know, here's Grover, a big blue Grover, and it had like the long, long arms and legs.
SPEAKER_00Long armed Grover.
SPEAKER_01Right, and so I would I would snug well, it went wrong. Oh no. So one night I was snuggling with Grover, and for I had an electric blanket, so it must have been in the winter, and I somehow became a human burrito, which means like the the blanket, the electric blanket surrounded me on all sides, so I couldn't escape, and I started to heat up. And I so at one point I I don't know what I was doing, but Grover, the arms and the legs wrapped around my neck. And so it wasn't strangling me. It wasn't strangling me, but it was attached. And so I remember I, you know, I wake up and I'm probably hallucinating at this point, right? But Grover was attached to me in such a way that his head was opposite my head. Like think of Spider-Man when Spider-Man in the movie kisses um, you know, I can't remember her name, but they kiss, they're upside down, so they're inverted.
SPEAKER_00Kirsten Dunce.
SPEAKER_01Thank you, Kirsten Dunce. And so I woke up sweating, and it was like it was surreal because I looked up and here's upside down Grover looking at me, right? And so I freak out. And so I immediately turn over like the other way. And keep in mind, I'm cooking. I am cooking, I'm a toasted little Rob. And Grover attached to my neck flips over with me. So I assume I'm being choked to death. I flip out. I can't, I can't get out of electric blanket uh burrito. So I just start screaming, like, I don't know how old I am. I might have been 16. I don't know. I don't remember how old I am. I was a child. So my mom comes in there, you know, and the first thing, like, she's always mad, like, what's going on? You know, I'm like, I'm you know, and so she pulls me out. I had like that temperature of 102, and it was just like, and she was like, and and so after that though, it scarred me so bad that I could not have Grover anymore. Like I had I might have had some other stuffed animals, but they were gone because when you wake up and you think something with those big dead eyes stared at you. Oh my god. I you know that gives me chip bumps even thinking about it.
SPEAKER_00Wow, Grover attacked you, man. You were being choked out by Grover.
SPEAKER_01All right, Ross.
SPEAKER_00That is so so that was your transition right there.
SPEAKER_01You were well, I went, I I did go to a different thing after that. And we could talk about that later. But our my initial one was Grover. What about you, Ross?
SPEAKER_00Well, I sent you guys a picture of you might want to take a look at it. It's a picture of me. I don't know how old I am, three.
SPEAKER_02The age of kiddorable, that's what it is.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's before I had any bad uh ideas in my head. I doubt that. I was very uh good.
SPEAKER_01Anybody believes that?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, uh there was there was no malice, there was no trickstering, there's just a nice little kid, and I'm well, Amy, why don't you describe what you see?
SPEAKER_02So, first of all, you have the cutest little tiny haircut, and you're sitting in front of a Christmas tree, baby. Yeah, and it looks like under one of your legs you have lined up very neatly in an order some cars, but you are holding is it a kangaroo or a bunny?
SPEAKER_01I hope it's a kangaroo, and I hope that that is a little Joey inside of its uh pocket.
SPEAKER_02Well, I didn't see the little Joey.
SPEAKER_01I again I don't know if that's what that is.
SPEAKER_00What do you what else could it be, Rob?
SPEAKER_01A penis, Ross.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Just wanted to make sure. Just wanted to make sure I knew where you were because I thought you were there, but I did you have to check the little penis, Ross?
SPEAKER_02Is that what happened? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's that's how my parents rolled when it came to toys.
SPEAKER_02I get it.
SPEAKER_00They wanted anatomical. It's educational.
SPEAKER_01Yep.
SPEAKER_00It was very educational. No, the uh the kangaroo was uh was uh neutered or whatever the correct term is, it had no reproductive organs that I knew about. It did have a pouch, his name was Ubi. And Ubi, like all the those four cars, and one of those cars for sure is a collector's item, and I wish I still had it, because they didn't make that many of them. But uh Ubi and all those cars were hand-me-down uh to me. I I none of those were originally uh mine. I had three older siblings who each had those toys before me. If you look carefully at the toys, the cars are all smashed and rusted. But and Ubi is still in pretty decent shape.
SPEAKER_01Did Ubi smell I mean, if it's being passed down that much, did he have like a like a smell, like a sweaty marinara smell?
SPEAKER_00Well, one day Ubi and I were uh going, we I think we were going in the car somewhere, and I didn't realize it, but uh I didn't feel well. I wasn't sure what what that meant, but I I Ralped on Ubi. Oh my just totally lit him up with projectile. And so he he my mother was able to get most of that smell out. But um most, but I loved I loved that kangaroo, but um but what happened? What happened to well so I don't remember his final trajectory, but I know that he was loved so much that he eventually kind of started getting worn out, and my mother started patching him up with you know just random pieces of cloth, so he looked a little like quilt. But um when I was probably almost too old to have a stuffed animal, one of my goals in life was to hang out with one or both of my older brothers, especially when they had friends over, because that was cool, right? And so uh at that time, I I guess I was probably like six or maybe even seven. So I was on, you know, getting to the point where maybe it was time to not have a stuffed animal. And but I was sharing a room with my next older brother, who was four years older than me, and he had a friend over, and I just bugged him, and they finally let me come in. Even though it was my room, I was sharing the room with him. I still had to get permission to come in when he had a friend. So I get in there, and somehow my brother's friend sees Ubi, and it's like, what's this? Like, whose is this? And so I'm trying to act cool. I'm trying to act like an older kid. I want to be cool, so I don't like make a big deal out of it. So he picks up Ubi. I already don't like it on the inside. I'm kind of like, what's this guy doing picking up my kangaroo? But I don't say anything because I want to be cool. And then the guy starts punching the kangaroo and smacking it, and the whole time I don't say anything because I don't want to act like I care about it. And after that was over and after that guy left, I felt so bad because I didn't. I didn't take care of Ubi. I didn't take care of my own feelings. Yeah, and I remember telling my mother, and I was so upset. And and I think though that, you know, I don't think things were the same between me and Ubi after that. Because I think Ubi was kind of like, dude, like, come on, really?
SPEAKER_01I feel like I feel like there is no less than four horror movies that start horror movies that started that way.
SPEAKER_02That seems very possible.
SPEAKER_00Yes, that's I but I actually didn't feel mad at the other kid. I felt I was upset about myself that I let down, I let down my man Ubi in his moment of need. Um but that was that's the last memory I have of having Ubi. I'm sure he was still around, but I think um uh I graduated kind of around that point. Now I will say, uh when before I was married, but when I was living with my um living with the person who would become my wife, we had a collection of stuffed animals.
SPEAKER_01What does that mean?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so we had I don't really I can't remember why we had them, but we had we each had stuffed animals, a lot of them.
SPEAKER_01Wait a minute, wait a minute. Like going into the relationship, you're like, I have stuffed animals. Well, so do I. Like, what do you what does that mean? You had your own collection.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, uh, somehow we had stuffed animals, she had some. I had some, and then maybe I bought some for her.
SPEAKER_01Uh, like you didn't buy some for yourself. Uh, I I'm trying to figure out why you have a collection of stuff. There's no judgment here, but I'm curious about what happened that got you to like you at a you had a store and you're like, oh, I I like this dinosaur. I'm gonna buy it for my bed. Like, what how did that yeah?
SPEAKER_00Why did I why did I have these? I don't know. It was kind of just a cute thing that we did, I think. We were only like 19, 20 years old, so you know, it wasn't too weird, just kind of weird.
SPEAKER_01Okay, but so going going into the relationship, you did not have any stuffed animals of your own.
SPEAKER_00No, no, but then in the relationship, it be it became a thing, and then the the part that was interesting is we talked for the animals. Okay. So we would sit there like just sitting on the couch, and then we would start talking as the animals, and they wouldn't have to be. I mean, can you give us a little sampling of that? I don't, I don't see, I don't remember so long ago. I don't remember like the conversations, but they were kind of wise cracking.
SPEAKER_01Ah, that sounds about right.
SPEAKER_00They were wise cracking stuffed animals, but then there was this thing, and I don't know how this started, but we'd be sitting there and like she'd be across the room at a chair, I'd be over on a couch, there'd be TV on something, we'd be watching a show, and one of us would say, transfer, and then we'd each grab one of these things and we'd toss them in the air at the same time, and we'd have that they'd change positions that way.
SPEAKER_01Like, how did that start? Like, it just seems it just seems weird. A little weird, right? Like, I could I could I could I get that you're a strange individual, right? Like I got that, you're very unique. But like, what happened that now it's just a known quantity that I right during the family feud, transfer, and then like everybody's just flipping around. I just it's interesting how that developed.
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah, so one of us would actually say, and by the way, we called these animals the bubs. So one of us would shout out, Bub's ready for transfer, and the other one would say, transfer, and then the bubs would go flying through the air.
SPEAKER_01This is foreplay, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00I wish. I wish that it led to something. This was the this was the sum total of the activity.
SPEAKER_03Transfer.
SPEAKER_00You know, what we we kind of got off that when we had an actual kid. And then we started talking for the kid. Before the kid could talk, we would make the kid. Did you guys ever do that?
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. No, I'd make inanimate objects talk all the time.
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay. So now you guys I was feeling so awkward to this whole thing. No, you should.
SPEAKER_02I mean, you still should. No. Last question.
SPEAKER_01Last question about the bubs. Was there ever before you had a kid on the scene, was there ever a bub that seemed not to like you at all? Oh yeah. Was there ever like a like a bub that was just giving you the hard time? Oh yeah. Which which bub was that?
SPEAKER_00That was the mosquito. That was the mosquito bub. Mosquito bub. It wasn't, he was, I think he heard the Ubi story. I think he was coming at me before. But um, but what happened to the bubs is they were given to the kids. Oh, and some of them still exist to this day. And they're my kids have them. I no longer have any bubs that I know of.
SPEAKER_02I'll see your bubs and raise you in Ursula. So uh Ursula is my stuffed dinosaur, she is my best friend. Um she wait, is yeah, absolutely. And uh she Wait, wait, you have it now? Absolutely, she's in the other room. In fact, this is uh a hundred percent true. The room that I record this podcast in, she made a sign, uh, I drew her own picture on it, and it says, do not disturb recording and process. I'll I'll send you a I'll send you a picture of that um to share or just to look at for yourself.
SPEAKER_01What what kind of what kind of dinosaur?
SPEAKER_02She is a T-Rex. What you need to know about a T-Rex-shaped stuffed animal is that they are approximately the same size as an extra small dog, um, which means that you can dress the T-Rex in extra small dog clothes. So she has a karate outfit. She has, I think right now she is wearing what she nope, she's wearing a bunny outfit right now, actually, which is uh has bunny ears. Uh she has some pajamas with dinosaurs on him. And she has actually two karate gifts. She has a karate gi and then she has a cobra-kai karate gi as well. So she uh and she has her own armoire where these things stay, and she has a fully formed personality. She talks all the time, she leaves me messages. Uh, sometimes I talk for her, sometimes my husband talks for her. So yeah. Um, I'm gonna lay that out.
SPEAKER_01When she leaves you messages, is it in your voice? I'm I'm just wondering.
SPEAKER_02So when she texts me on my cell phone, she uses all caps. That's how I know it's her. That's how I know she's she's texting me versus uh somebody else.
SPEAKER_01Amy, do you sleep with Ursula?
SPEAKER_02So I I'm gonna a little truth bomb here. We had to ask Ursula to get her own sleeping place. She did sleep. We have a king-size bed. She was sleeping in the center of the bed, and I I found uh that she just took up too much space. She needed her own space to sleep. So she sleeps in a drawer next to the bed. In fact, I think she too.
SPEAKER_00That's a demotion.
SPEAKER_02She asked for it. She said she said it was too noisy up on the bed.
SPEAKER_00So whoa.
SPEAKER_02I snore. It's not it's not as exciting as that.
SPEAKER_00Wow. So that's Ursula. Well, that I'm I'm glad to hear that. I feel much more comfortable now. Because now only Rob thinks I'm weird. Um, but yeah, I'm surprised. That's really cool. Well, it's not unusual. Um, I've been doing a little research on this phenomenon. Um, and uh, you know, psychiatrists and psychologists talk about kids needing or typically needing a transitional object um when they start growing up and experiencing anxiety because they're not with their usually their mother all the time. So when the you know the kid starts becoming a little more independent, they experience this this typically mild, but it can be stronger for some kids, this form of separation anxiety, and that's where stuffed animals and blankets and all of that comes in, pacifiers, all that kind of thing. And those things are called transitional objects because the kid will use them. And the idea is at some point the kid decides I don't need these anymore, or the in Amy's case, the parent takes it away. In Rob's case, the thing tries to kill him. Or in my case, you let the thing take a beat down and then you feel guilty about it.
SPEAKER_03Sure.
SPEAKER_00So so um so this is considered pretty normal, but and there was actually a really cool s sort of seminal psychological study back in the it's probably around the fifties or sixties. And um it was a surrogate mother study, it was done with monkeys. Now that now, Rob, this is not the executive monkey study.
SPEAKER_01So I don't want you to I was gonna I was gonna ask that.
SPEAKER_00I know. I know you were going to say, is this it's not the executive monkey study? Now, still there's some there's some you know unfortunate issues with the surrogate mother study, but I just want to make it clear to you that it's not the executive monkey study.
SPEAKER_01I appreciate that.
SPEAKER_00The um, as you know, the executive monkey study involved electric shocks and whether the monkey had the ability to control whether he got the shock or not versus just getting the shock.
SPEAKER_01Yep. We got real morbid, real quick.
SPEAKER_00Well, that's the thing. I like these old studies are horrifying, but um, I just want to make clear we're not talking about that one. We're talking about the surrogate mother study. And how did that one, how did they do that one? Well, the researcher took baby monkeys away from their mothers and then shocked them. No, that didn't no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, forget about that. There was no shock. So, what it what he did is he took baby monkeys away from their mothers and then he put them either with a wire and wood mother monkey, which was not very comfy, uh, or they got to be with a foam, rubber, and terry cloth monkey. So they weren't real monkeys, they were just a wire form of a monkey or a soft form of a monkey. And then they uh studied how the infants, what they did and how they did, and they found that infant monkeys spent significantly more time with the terry cloth mother than they did with the wire mother. Even when the wire mother was paired with food and the soft mother, fake mother was paired with um uh nothing, they still preferred the soft, cuddly fake mother monkey. Infant monkeys are much more likely to like cling to the soft mother when they're under threat. Um, and if the if they were didn't have the surrogate mother with them when there was like a loud noise or something, they became very fearful and anxious or paralyzed, you know, with fear or they would suck their thumb. And so it makes sense to me that you know, kids would feel they can reduce some of their anxiety with a stuffed animal because it's soft, it's cuddly, it's um self-soothing. Um, and that's this process that we're talking about today is that um is that we learn uh to take care of ourselves as we become more and more independent from our mother, because as you may have noticed, anxiety stays with us our whole lives.
SPEAKER_01Oh boy, yeah. So that's what I was thinking. When you were talking about at one point you decide as a child that you don't need it anymore, or maybe you didn't. But it seems like as I got older, my anxiety only got worse. And so so let's let's start with you, Ross. Like when you lost Ubi, uh, what did you do to self-soothe?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so my um my big my two big things that I remember uh was um I use food and still do. So whenever my anxiety level level is up, I will snack on anything, whatever's available. I will eat anything. Um, and that's one way. And then the other way, which I was famous for as a kid, people made fun of me because I had the TV on all the time, even if I wasn't watching it. I just had it on. And to this day, when I go to bed at night, I have the TV on. And like they say, oh, don't have the TV on, you can't sleep. I go right to sleep. It's like totally relaxing for me. I will fall asleep in like three minutes with the TV on, and will wake up like at four in the morning and some like people being, you know, some horror movies on or something, and I have to shut it off. But but that's that's what what I've done. How about you guys? What have you self-well? I know Amy's still got Ursula.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Twizzlers and meth. Um, I developed uh I was thinking about this as you were talking about like, so what did I substitute Grover with? And I don't know how this came to pass, but this is still a thing that does soothe me. Uh especially if I'm sick. If like I've if I'm in bed and I'm sick, I'll do this thing. But you know how like some blankets have like a silky edge that either like on the top or the bottom? Sure. So I will take that silk in between my forefinger and my thumb and just move it back and forth. Uh-huh. And like, you know, like you know like that Matthew McConaughey thing when he's driving the car and it looks like he's he's like, I don't know what he's doing with his finger. But that's what I do, but with the with the silky thing, and I do that until I fall asleep. I mean, I did that until I fall asleep, unless I'm sick. And if there's a blanket that has that, I will do that. But now, uh, I mean, there's some mental things I do to kind of deal with anxiety, but one of the things I always find myself doing at night is I will, as I'm going to bed, I'll lay my hand on my partner's body in some way, like usually a leg or a shoulder or a side or something, but I'll just plop it there and then go to sleep.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that sounds right. Well, what's interesting is that um a lot of people um don't stop using stuffed animals as they get older. And some studies show about one in three people, whether they admit it or not, rely on a stuffed animal to help them go to sleep, to help them feel less anxious, to help them cope with significant stress in their life. There's people who've reported relying on stuffed animals to help them cope with deaths of loved ones, uh, graduate school exams, homesickness, business travel, all of those things. And often, of course, when people hear that an adult person, an adult human, has a stuffed animal, they think uh there's something wrong with this person, right? Um, they must be single or something, you know. Um, but the reality is these people say, no, these stuffed animals are extremely helpful. It's very similar to what Amy is describing, where the uh animal, uh the stuffed animal often has a personality, has a point of view, um, is involved uh in conversations, uh, and and people find it to be um extremely comforting. And um one study reported four almost five out of ten of adults, five out of ten adults have um held on to their childhood stuffed animals. One in three still sleep with a stuffed animal every night. And um did you say five out of ten? Almost five out of ten adults have held have held on to them. Doesn't mean they they just have them, they don't necessarily just seem like a weird fraction.
SPEAKER_01Why do you say just almost one out of two?
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah. I was looking at it said 44%, so I just kind of said, oh, so five out of ten. Almost all.
SPEAKER_01Okay. That wasn't one that they used. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So uh okay, so we'll take a break from fractions. I I want to um so here's a quote from someone, one of these adult stuffed animal people. And this person says, When I'm at home on my own, I'll talk out loud to Squishy. Just general stuff like, what am I gonna do today? Then it's just a bit of fun. If I'm watching TV or texting people, I'll have Squishy under one arm. I enjoy the absurdity of talking to my teddy bear. My job is very stressful. I'm often having to deal with rude customers, so this kind of helps him relax. So to me, it kind of sounds like having a pet without the responsibility of actually taking care of a live pet. Because I've talked to my pets, I've always talked to my pets, have conversations, ask them questions, tell them my problems. But it sounds very similar.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I agree. I talk to my pets a lot. Sometimes I'll talk to my pet as a way to talk to my partner, but that's a whole other conversation.
SPEAKER_00Wait, you're triangle, you're triangulating your pet?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, well, no, it's just like, you know, I'll say something to the pet like, yeah, I'll take you out in a second once I finish doing what I'm doing, you know, or something like that. And it's it's not me so much telling my pet, I'm telling my partner, hey, can you uh uh take out our dog because I got I got stuff to do.
SPEAKER_00So so my my little theory is that most of our inner most of our relationships with our pets are made up. You know, I'm not sure the pets have actually bought into the three-dimensional relationship that we invent for them and and think that maybe we share. And and I'm thinking that in any event, the interactions that we could have with a stuffed animal may not may not be that different. Amy, what do you think?
SPEAKER_02Ursula would be very offended if she heard you call her a pet.
SPEAKER_00She's oh, she feels like she has elevated stats.
SPEAKER_02Yes, she's she's she is different from a pet. Yeah, you know, I don't want to oh uh Ursula is certainly a uh an unusual part of of what I do, but hey Amy, can you can you put Ursula on? Like Yes! Everybody wants to hear from Ursula. I'll have to go get her. Is this thing on? It's me. Oh my god, is go ahead. You talk. I'll listen. It's fine, I'll sit back. No, no, you talk, buddy.
SPEAKER_01Ursula, when when you go out for a beverage, what do you drink?
SPEAKER_02I usually have an IPA, double IPA if it's available.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god, Ursula's my new drinking pal.
SPEAKER_02Give me a call. I got a cell phone. I have to borrow it from the big guy. Call him Gumbo, but it's cool, and just give me a ring, I'll ring you back.
SPEAKER_00So uh thanks, Ursula. This has been great. And we'll probably do another podcast with just you. But I want to ask uh Amy something.
SPEAKER_02Sure, yes, I'm here too.
SPEAKER_00So, Amy, you're yes, well, thank goodness. So, Amy, you let's uh let's pretend you're single and you're dating again, uh-huh. And you go out with a guy and you go into the bedroom and there's a stuffed animal there on the bed.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Is that okay?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I mean, well, okay, what is it? I suppose is what is is it a What is it?
SPEAKER_00I mean, it's a teddy bear.
SPEAKER_02Oh, teddy bear, that's fine. Yeah, I don't have a problem with that.
SPEAKER_01It's let's say it's a kangaroo with a large penis.
SPEAKER_02That might be a different story. No, I don't think I would have a problem with that.
SPEAKER_00I don't understand why that penis is getting larger as the day goes.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's just the thing is, is you said it was like another uh kangaroo in its pouch, but that other kangaroo didn't have a name. Like I figured it was like Ubi and Conway, but you never gave it a name. So I'm starting to think it is indeed a penis.
SPEAKER_00What what what what why does that matter to you so much?
SPEAKER_01Well, I if you had two entities that you were snuggling with all the time, they both would have had names. You haven't given the second one a name yet, so I'm not sure it exists. Like I I think that it was Ubi and Mr. Penis.
SPEAKER_00Anyway, so so some according to this one study, and again, it's uh, you know, it was just one that I found. They found that one out of four guys uh have uh stuffed animals still as adults, but they hide them often when girlfriends, family, and other visitors come because they feel ashamed that they still have these transitional objects. And I'm wondering, I mean, the fractions does have a lot of people. Well, that's the main thing.
SPEAKER_02What's that?
SPEAKER_00The fractions. And we just want to make sure the fractions are right. Oh, the fractions make sense. I was gonna say 26%, but then I knew Rob would just get excited and say, why didn't you just say one out of four?
unknownYeah, that's acceptable.
SPEAKER_00Because he's into ratios and just and reducing them to the lowest common denominator.
SPEAKER_03It's helpful.
SPEAKER_00Um, so but Amy, that wouldn't bother you then, except putting aside Rob's example with the giant kangaroo. Otherwise, a guy with uh his own teddy bear that he uses for comfort and sleeps with at night, maybe takes on a business trip. That wouldn't bother you.
SPEAKER_02I don't think so. I think if other things in the relationship are okay. I I want to be um I think if Ursula had been around before we were like it was appropriate to our relationship, like we sort of understood that we've that we were both okay, I might have felt differently if my husband had a stuffed tyrannosaurus rex that slept with him.
SPEAKER_01That's fair.
SPEAKER_02Uh yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um Yeah, no, if I was if I was uh if I had lady parts or I was going over to a guy's house and I I was into guys and I went to their bedroom and there was an animal on their bed, I would uh I don't know if I'd be okay with that. Like I I would have questions. Like, I mean, I would, I would have problems with it, I think.
SPEAKER_00Would you have a problem if you uh if it was a woman?
SPEAKER_01And oh great. Now I'm a sexist. I don't think I would. Like I don't unless it was excessive. Like if it was like I went into the bed and she's like, oh, I gotta de zoo the bed. Like, uh okay, that's too many. But if it's like just one or two, I don't think I would have a problem with it. But if it was a dude, I think I would.
SPEAKER_00Well, that's one of the reasons, you know, it's uh I think men feel uncomfortable, some admitting that they still uh have stuffed animals in their lives and rely on them for comfort and self-soothing. But it we know it happens, it's out there, and I didn't know that, but it's actually more common than I would have thought. And chances are you know somebody right now that they use stuffed animals somehow in their life. My question is um, for people who might be listening, going, well, that's not me. I gave up stuffed animals when I was a kid and you know, dropped my blanket and I never looked back. I feel like people today, more often than not, use cell phones and screens to self-soothe. They always have their phones with them. They totally feel out of sorts if they don't have their phone, at least in their pocket or purse or whatever. They uh immediately pull them out in any interpersonal situation. So you're on an elevator, everybody grabs their phone and hides behind their screen. Uh people are constantly looking at the phone, talking on the phone, looking for text, scrolling through their social meads. Isn't that the same thing? Aren't they just dealing with anxiety, social anxiety, and it's a way to just get comfy?
SPEAKER_02I think so.
SPEAKER_01My gut is to be a contrarian here and say, no, but I don't have an argument why. Like I feel like it's a cell phone is a different thing, but then I think about what they are using their cell phone for. Like if you mentioned social media, and we all know like people love getting likes for stuff that they're saying, so maybe that's reassuring. So I'm gonna say the jury's still out, but I I understand I mean it's interesting. It's I gotta think about it.
SPEAKER_00That's it, it's it just jumped into my mind when I was reading about the fact that people need to self-soothe. And I'm like, well, what do other people do? And some people do all kinds of things. They do alcohol, they do drugs, they're in the sexual escapade. There's all kinds of things people do, but the one thing that's common to a lot of people, and I see this every day, is the phone. It's like, get this phone. People go to bed with their phone, they cuddle up next to their phone, they're check constantly checking it. And um, as I say, any kind of awkward situation that you put people in, in the old days before cell phones, of course, people just had to feel uncomfortable. But today they can just disappear right behind their phone. It's like their comfort zone, and they can see pictures of their friends, or they can send texts, or they can, you know, get likes, or whatever the thing is. Um, there's something else, though, that I discovered recently, and I gotta tell you about it because I kind of freaking out about something.
SPEAKER_02What is it, Ross? I'm kind of freaking out.
SPEAKER_00What a buildup. What a buildup. Kind of freaking out, man. Well, okay, so I just got to tell you a little backstory. So when I was a little kid in school, this is the only time I remember this happening, and it was just several times over, you know, a whole many years of being in school as a little kid, but I never forgot it, but I didn't know what it was. I got shocked. No, so um, it's not the executive monkey. All right, so I was a little kid, and um uh so class would be going on, I wouldn't understand something because I was dumb, and the teacher would pick out a smart person to come over to my desk and help me. The person, the smart people tended to be girls in the schools that I went to. And so a girl would come over, doesn't matter whether I liked them or didn't like them, it had nothing to do with that. They would come over. And because the class was still going on, they would talk quietly and explain how to do whatever it is that I was too dumb to do. And the experience of that would be a tingling sensation. And the only thing I can liken it to that maybe you've experienced is somebody like kind of strokes your head or does the fake egg breaking thing and then pull their fingers down your face. Have you ever felt those kind of tingles? Yes. Anybody know what I'm talking about? I know what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_02I've done that, I've done the egg on your head thing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um, and so it feels all tingly, and you have it's a really, it's almost euphoric. It's just a momentary, but it's like your whole body is tingling, like your whole spine tingles, okay? This would happen again, only in those situations, only. And because I was constantly needing help, I you know, it happened more than several times. I never knew anything about that. As a kid, I didn't know what it was. I never thought about it, never talked to anybody about it. In fact, I've never told anybody about this until right now. So, in the meantime, I'm a person in the world and I'm aware of the internet, and I know there's this thing called ASMR, right? Everybody with me on this? I was aware of this because there were all these videos on YouTube of people like eating hamburgers close to a mic, you know, and people getting off on that. And I'm like, that's just weird. Like, I don't know what that is. Uh or people like licking things, and it's just like, this is I don't know what this is, but hey, it's the internet, you can find anything, and also porn. So I didn't make anything, I didn't made no connection. One day recently, just randomly, I was reading about ASMR. Like, what actually is this thing? And it's I it's as I read more about it, I realized this is the tingling that I would get as a kid. And they said that in particular, for people who are sensitive to it, it tends to happen when someone is speaking quietly in a soft voice and paying attention, giving you some kind of personal.
SPEAKER_01Are you doing it now because you're just sounding creepy?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. But that's the idea is like the soft voice, it's got to be a soft voice and giving you attention. And so I said, well, so, but all I've seen is people like eating uh mini hot dogs, and it's like, that's not what I that doesn't work for me, or tapping, or like all this weird. Well, it's different for different people. But then I went down this rabbit hole of these videos that have been made, and they're all exactly they create that exact situation where a person, a female person, is explaining something for like 45 minutes, and it's something. Very mundane, like this one I've been watching this version. There's like multiple versions of checking into a hotel for like 45 minutes. And the check-in, and the person that now let me describe the spa packages that you can take advantage of. And I'm just like, whoa! And my it sets my spinal column on fire with tingling.
SPEAKER_01Is it a sexual thing? Is it is it a sexual thing for me?
SPEAKER_00No, there's no, there's nothing, it's not for me, it's not.
SPEAKER_01But what's the it's it is it like like like uh goosebumps?
SPEAKER_00Like uh it's like goosebumps going up and down your spine.
SPEAKER_01Like pleasurable goosebumps?
SPEAKER_00Yes, it's euphoric, it's like a drug. And the research shows that it there is some, it makes sense given the parts of the brain that are that are seen to be activated when they put people in MRIs and watch them react, you know, get these tingling sensations. So now, so I've watched a hotel check-in one, I've watched a haircut one, I've watched two cars, like selling cars. It's all acted, like it's not real. It's just somebody, oh, I saw uh Rotch one where somebody is selling me a suit of clothes, and they go on for 45 minutes to an hour, what would normally take five minutes, and the whole time they're talking in that special way, and it's very tingly.
SPEAKER_01I feel like I have found myself a new job. Like I think I would be perfect. You like you, I don't I don't uh I I don't know what you're saying.
SPEAKER_00I don't know what your problem is. I think I'd be great. Well, let's try. So try okay, so let's say you're um checking me into a hotel. So you go ahead. What would you say?
SPEAKER_01I am checking you into a hotel.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you're you're you're you're doing that.
SPEAKER_01So go ahead and wait, wait, wait. I just want to make sure um we're setting the scene. I am checking you into a hotel and I'm describing the things that are okay. I got it, I got it. Okay, hold on. I'm gonna give this a I'm gonna give this a serious try. Amy, are you ready for me?
SPEAKER_02I'm totally ready. I'm on the edge of my seat.
SPEAKER_01Okay, okay. All right, hang on, hang on. I am whoo. All right.
unknownWelcome.
SPEAKER_00Holiday in. You have several options. Okay, stop. So what have I done or what have I done? Well, so it's gotta be, it can't, I know some of them are all whispered. Those don't work for me.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I gotta oh it's gotta be like it has to be catered for you. It's okay.
SPEAKER_00Well, I'm trying to get you, so I want to get you business. So the ones that most people like have a little bit of voice in them.
SPEAKER_01All right, a little bit of voice. Okay, a little bit of voice. Um, okay. Here we go, here we go, here we go. I'm gonna try it.
SPEAKER_00And let's not be at the holiday end because that place I don't want to stay there.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay, okay. Uh welcome back, Mr. Lagoza.
SPEAKER_00To the Marriott. Go back to what you were doing before.
SPEAKER_01I don't want to do this. I'm out. I'm out.
SPEAKER_00No, no, I you had it was better before at the beginning. I thought it might get better, but it was actually whispers. What you did initially let's see. Let's, Amy, could you try it?
SPEAKER_02Sure. So I'm just checking you into the all right.
SPEAKER_00I have your don't say oh, don't say holiday in. Yeah, say it, say the executive monkey.
SPEAKER_02I have your executive monkey package ready for you. I'm just gonna pull up your information here.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I she's giving me chills. I'm getting the chills right now. It's working. See, Amy could do it. Lies. Amy could do it. Amy could do it. You gotta check these out. I have watched probably like 10 of these videos. I don't know where the last two days went.
SPEAKER_02I was gonna say, I'm calc, I'm calculating the time, and I think you uh uh this is 24 hours worth of material. I hear you counting down.
SPEAKER_01I'm more interested in like some uh soft spoken, like hardcore rap. Like, is there any of those where where there's someone saying lyrics to a song, but it's it's just like this. Like, I'm the king of the crop, I rise to the top, I never eat a pig because a pig is a cop. Like, is that good?
SPEAKER_02Like, is that I like it. Is that I got chills.
SPEAKER_00I think I think I think that area has not been explored, but uh there are so many, there are so many of these. There are millions. I looked up to like there was like 15 million YouTube videos, the ASMR uh YouTube videos. I mean it's a thing, like people get paid doing these when they're really good at them. And the ones I were was watching. Like what Amy and I just did, like like that good? Even better. Even even better, even better. But but yeah, so I've just started exploring these, and I like I said, the last three days gone. I don't know what happened. Like I have appointments, there are people who are waiting for me someplace, uh, and I uh I haven't been eating. This has been this has been great. So I realized that I have found a new way to self-soothe. And it's very modern.
SPEAKER_02I love it.
SPEAKER_00All the kids are doing it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. All the kids are doing it.
SPEAKER_00But I'm not into the food licking and the eggplants and stuff. And the tapping. I don't know what that is.
SPEAKER_02Those sounds they annoy me. I I feel annoyed when I heard those things.
SPEAKER_00Now, I guess that works for some people. I don't like the tapping. And when they start working in the tapping, like they hit they just tap their fingernails a lot and everything. It's like, now you gotta stop doing that. That's just annoying. I want that to end. But there's all kinds like you can search like no tapping. And you know what? Here's the thing. So there's intentional ASMR and there's unintentional. So intentional is what I've been watching, like people are acting out, you know. Hey, I'm gonna sell, I'm gonna check you into a hotel, which normally takes two minutes, but I'm gonna do it for an hour and just keep talking about things. But then there's the unintentional ones, and the one, and I didn't realize, but I used to like watching this show, and it gave me tingles, and I never knew why. Bob Ross, the painter guy. Sure, yeah. Happy little clouds. Yeah, just a happy little accident. But you so ever see people on airplanes with their bed pillows or blankets?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, sure, yeah. I remember that.
SPEAKER_00Um, I'm not talking about I'm not talking about those neck pillows.
SPEAKER_02I know you hate a neck pillow.
SPEAKER_00Uh, I don't like the neck pillow or the little roly bags with the long handles. But no, people have like their actual pillow from their bed. And I've also people with full-size blankets from their bed.
SPEAKER_01Oh my.
SPEAKER_00And what do you think about that?
SPEAKER_01It gets cold on a plane.
SPEAKER_00Well, they yes. They used to hand out blankets. They probably don't do that anymore. They used to have a few blankets on a plane, but these days they don't really have anything.
SPEAKER_02I just feel like the seats, the seat space is like one two forty-eighths of what it used to be. And so there's no That's a solid fraction.
SPEAKER_01Actually, no, two forty-eighths, it would be one twenty-fourths. No, I didn't mind it. I did it on purpose. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Sorry. I fell right into that trap.
SPEAKER_02I gotcha. Um, they're so they're so small that a full-size pillow would take up all of the space, basically.
SPEAKER_00I I gotta tell you, I I would countenance someone with a stuffed animal before I would countenance someone with a bed pillow on an airplane. Oh my gosh. Um, but I see this all the time. I was just on a trip a few weeks ago and saw people walking with their giant pillows, obviously from their bed. They were carrying blankets, full-size blankets in their arms, and they look like they're wearing pajamas or very, very, very comfortable clothes. And Rob, I know you can relate to anxious flying. We've had a show all about that. But whenever I'm on a plane, and I think you can relate to this too. So when I'm on a plane, like I always like, I look around to see if something goes down, who can I count on?
SPEAKER_01Who who's gonna like so you're saying pajama people, they're a no-go? Yes, and you're uh and you're alliance to take back the plane, pajama people are just no-go's.
SPEAKER_00I just feel like I'm not gonna be able to rely on them. If you're carrying a bed pillow on the plane, I I just if things get if things get ugly, they would be well rested and ready to rumble. Uh don't I don't know. The other thing I look for is uh well, neck pillows, especially if it's a short flight. If you're overseas, I get the neck pillow, but if it's a two-hour flight and you gotta have a neck pillow and you're wearing it around your neck when you get on the plane, I don't think I can count on you.
SPEAKER_01Well, that means you can't count on me because I don't care if it's a six-hour flight or I'm going up and I'm coming back down. I am I've got the whole thing. We've already talked about it, but a neck pillow is part of the equation.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I guess it would depend on what the emergency was because I think in some situations you would be the perfect person. Uh the other thing I look for, and I don't know why. I I I gotta work on this. It's obviously a problem, but if I see someone wearing bedazzled jeans, I don't think I'm gonna be able to count on them.
SPEAKER_02What about a bedazzled jean jacket? Equal or different?
SPEAKER_01Oh boy.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, probably of matching jeans anyway. But but yeah, that would that's just uh anything sparkly, hmm.
SPEAKER_01Probably what I love about these episodes, they're always a journey.
SPEAKER_00It's a journey, it's a journey, but ultimately it's about feeling comfortable, self-soothing, taking care of yourself. Well, thank you both for um going on this journey, as Rob said. Thanks for being here. It's great to have you back in this space together. Absolutely. Appreciate it.
SPEAKER_02Thanks for having us. Transfer!
SPEAKER_00Transfer. Ready for the transfer. Bubs in the air. Please also follow the show on Instagram or Twitter. And if you can rate us on iTunes or wherever you can rate, that really helps us grow our little show into a bigger little show. You can support us on Patreon and keep the commercial free, that's awesome. Or you could just show up and hang out with us, we like that too. And we hope you'll tune in to another episode because whether you are a kangaroo with an unfortunate bowl, or just someone who keeps a secret stuffed animal in the closet, it's important to remember that we all smell like humans. Goodbye, everybody. See ya, Ubi.