SPEAKER_00 0:00

Too unrestricted. Yeah. I need to have some restrictions. Right. So I mean what do you are you just you just Yeah, what's your restriction?

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Tape it to your leg or oh no.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

It's my nighty night duct tape. You go on, yeah. I'm going to bed.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Welcome to another episode of Smells Like Humans. This is the podcast where we explore the curious things that people do, the very human things that grab our attention, and cause us to wonder what and why. I'm Ross, your host, and today, I am excited to welcome back my dear friend and person who you can always call on to reach that upper shelf, Amy. Hello, Amy.

SPEAKER_05 0:56

I'm gonna assume that means I'm Paul. Hello, Ross.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

And another dear friend whose large frame is necessary to contain his bulging heart, Rob. Welcome, Rob.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Good Eve, good sir. You know, the reason she can get that top shelf is because she's standing on my back.

SPEAKER_05 1:15

That's it.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

That's nice.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

It's teamwork. Yep. Makes a dream work. It's a good synergy. And welcome everyone. Friends help us grow this community. And the very, very best way to do that is to share the show with anyone you can, any way you can. At the end, I'll talk about some other things you can help us with, but that's the most important thing you can do right now. Okay, let's get going. So, Amy and Rob, we know that for a lot of humans, falling asleep at night is not easy, especially these days. Also, we know a lot of people wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. Some people use prescription drugs like ambient or over-the-counter supplements like melatonin. Those things work with varying success. Some people use meditation, some take a warm bath, some drink warm milk. Now, now thousands of sleep-deprived humans are turning to the age-old practice of bedtime stories. Of course, before the current modern era, finding someone to tell you a bedtime story once you got past age 10 was difficult or impossible. By the way, um, when you were kids, did you get bedtime stories? Take your time.

SPEAKER_05 2:49

I'm trying to think. I don't I I read my kids' bedtime stories, but I don't remember getting bedtime stories as a kid. I'm gonna say no.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

I remember I didn't get bedtime stories. Now I was you know put down and and and sung to, and my back was rubbed. Uh, but I don't remember ever getting a bedtime story.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

Okay. But that sounds pretty good. Back rubs. Yeah. Now, there's no worries because famous people like Matthew McConaughey, LeVar Burton, Lucy Lou, they're willing to take you on a journey to Z land. That's right. All right, all right, all right. Let's talk about some three bears. That was the greatest impersonation I've ever heard of LeVar Burton. Anyway.

SPEAKER_05 3:39

That was Lucy Lou.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Oh, yeah, or it was I didn't know which one. Uh I knew it was one of those two, though. So you can download apps called Calm or Breathe, and they offer all kinds of stories that you can select from. Some are narrated by famous people, some are not. You pay about 12 or 15 bucks a month, which Whoa. Well, that's nothing though, if you have trouble falling asleep. I mean, ask anyone who's sleep deprived, and they'll that's only like, what is that? How much is that a night? I'll wait.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

50 cents. 50 cents.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

We don't know. But the point is, it's not a lot. There are also, if you don't have any dough, but you have an internet connection, there are YouTube videos that attempt to do the same thing. And bedtime stories are preferred by many people over things like guided meditations and soundscapes, which is another thing that people have used.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

What constitute a bedtime story? Like, is there an overarching theme? Is there are there certain characters?

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Like, what's a bedtime story? There's all kinds of choices. So on these apps, they have like adventure stories, they have travel stories, they have classics like Cinderella. Ah, okay. A lot of people like stories they already know because then they can just sort of zone out really fast. Some people like to be to have the visual imagery to focus on. But the way they work is no matter which one is floats your boat, so to speak, the way they work is they take you out of your head, they take you away from your stressful thoughts and your negative thoughts that are ping-ponging around in your brain, right, when you're trying to fall asleep. And that tends to aid in your relaxation and your transition to sleep time. So you stop thinking about your relationship or your kids or your job or whatever's banging on you at the moment, and you go on this relaxing and calming journey. It's nice, right?

SPEAKER_05 5:50

Well, okay, so what I'm thinking is, and maybe this is a spoiler, but the way I fall asleep is by watching TV, and I turn on something that's familiar. So we watch like The Office a lot, right? Or um Modern Family. We're working our way through the modern family. So something that's but we also have like I've slept through the wire also, so it doesn't necessarily have to be. I've woken up and people are being murdered loudly, but I still but it puts me to sleep.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

I don't feel like this uh yeah, you can't say you binged watch the wire if you just have it on when you're sleeping.

SPEAKER_05 6:31

But if I watch the beginning of every episode, I can kind of catch up on what happened the previous episode on the next one. I figure it out, I put the pieces together.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

She's all about the exposition. Well, I will agree with you that um, you know, a lot of people are really excited and use these comfort creators, they're called comfort creators on YouTube and TikTok. And that's just anyone that provides streaming content that you find relaxing or peaceful, and it becomes sort of your uh emotional security blanket at night. Some people use ASMR, we've talked about that before. Other other, you know, media that's considered low impact streaming. I was quoting making quote marks for you. I was just I was wondering, um, and I do want to get back to your main point, Amy, but I'm wondering if our show might be used by people who just want to fall asleep. Am I in the episode? Yeah, I think I just you just answered my question. Because they were just kind of fading out at that moment.

SPEAKER_05 7:41

And then listen, so Rob is the bang bang bang of the like drug deal going down, but still I just sleep through it.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

I am the bang bang bang of the drug deal. Rob is the wire.

SPEAKER_05 7:55

So I can fall asleep to this podcast even if Rob was on it. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

Wow. So you're pretty robust. You may not actually have a sleeping problem if you're switching to the wire.

SPEAKER_05 8:06

I can fall asleep during basically anything. I cannot stay asleep is the problem now.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

Okay. What I like to do, what I like to do when I go to sleep is to beat myself up on everything that I've done in my life. Dumb. Which, by the way, it's a very long list.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

So instead of counting sheeps, you count your mistakes. Yeah. You count your regrets. You watch your regrets jumping over a flaming fence. Yeah. Um, well, you know, a lot of people use different things. I think the bedtime stories idea is cool, but I more like Amy, where for years, I don't know how long the office was on Netflix, but I use the Office as my go-to sleep. And also when I invariably wake up at two or three in the morning, depending on how much coffee I've had, I wake up, I turn it on again, and it puts me right back to sleep. It was the best ever until they went off Netflix, and then it became you had to watch I can't have commercials. It's got to be uninterrupted.

SPEAKER_05 9:23

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

Commercials, I can't, I can't sleep to commercials.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

So I used to have uh a TV in the bedroom. Notice I said used to, and I used to watch a lot of adult swim on uh Cartoon Network. So it was like a lot of like old anime and just random stuff that I would go to sleep to. But when I met my uh lovely partner, she said no to the TV in the bedroom. Like it was like, you know, it's for sleeping, it's not for watching TV. I'm like, yeah, but like my whole family, that was a thing. We used to watch TV to go to bed, and nope, it's out of there.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

Yes, I grew up the same way. I always used TV as uh like a uh a sleep aid slash nightlight was always on. Um, and I have a TV in my bedroom now, and it works the same way. I I turn on a show and I go right to sleep.

SPEAKER_05 10:20

When I lived in Atlanta and I I didn't live, I it was like living in a real live wire uh episode, basically.

SPEAKER_06 10:29

Wow, okay.

SPEAKER_05 10:30

So there was a lot of activity in the evening, most of it drug and violence related. But the way I could sleep through it is I I had a VCR, a TV VCR combo, actually. Oh every night. Fancy I I put I know, right? I'm only the best. I was making probably $8 an hour, so I don't I don't want to keep bragging, but anyway, I every night I put in the VCR tape of Tootsie and I would watch it until I'd fall asleep. And then I just it would rewind automatically so I could just watch it again the next night.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

So that's the thing. Yeah, no, that's the thing for me. It it has to be something that I'm already familiar with. So that's why they I use The Office for years. I knew every episode, and there's no part of my brain that really wants to focus on it. If I turn on like a murder documentary that I've never seen, that I'm gonna be up. I'm gonna keep watching it. So it's it's almost like the noise that I like. It's just somebody talking about something that I'm mildly interested in.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

What else is there to use, which is what I use, which is white noise. And that right now is a ceiling fan.

SPEAKER_02 11:44

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

You know, nice ceiling fan. I kind of want to get, and I know that they have apps that do this, but like I'm I'm like old man, get off my lawn. I don't want to have an app on when I'm trying to sleep. But I you can actually get little white noise machines. I'm thinking about like I've been to I've been to like hotels that have those in those, like in the room. So I'm thinking about picking myself up one. I think I'd like that.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

When I was a kid, I my bedroom was right next to the air conditioner that was it was there was a window and there was an outside compressor that would turn on uh when the air conditioner would come on. So I love the sound of that noise, that air conditioner running. And I figured out one night that you know, it wouldn't it be cool if I could just get this thing to run nonstop. So I went to the thermostat in the house and I turned it down to the lowest settings possible and then crawled into bed, and I just loved having that thing running. Well, of course, the next morning. It was very cold, it was freezing and everybody. My parents were like, what?

SPEAKER_05 13:01

Who the hell turn this?

SPEAKER_00 13:03

The beautiful thing about a big family is you always can deny that it was you. Yeah, but I like white noise. I like white noise. I'll take it if that's all there is.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

Well, it sometimes leads to arguments, uh, because my uh wife likes to be warm and toasty in bed, and if it's you know three degrees outside, we have a ceiling fan going, like at full blast, that has made some arguments in the past, the past being yesterday.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

I I got in trouble with a partner who didn't, so I there's all kinds of media that I'll listen to, and it doesn't have to be a bedtime story at all. Um, and I got into um listening to old-time radio shows. I listened to all of those old-time radio shows. There's places where you can you can download these shows, and I developed like favorites, you know, that I like listening to, and I would listen to them every night. But I would put, you know, have put in uh earphones or whatever. What are they called? Earbuds. I put in earbuds so they wouldn't bother her, but she told me she didn't like the idea of me going away into whatever I was listening to. She goes, I feel like you're trying to get away from me.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

You know, I can I can kind of understand that, but in a like in but in a different way, like a security way for me. Like if like so I uh sometimes will snore, especially if I'm very tired. And my partner will wear you know, like earplugs, right? And I feel like she, I mean, this is the same partner who will sleep through. There could be a guy at our door with a chainsaw, I'm gonna kill you, and she's she'll sleep through it. She'll sleep through it. I don't know why she has to have the the but anyway. When she plugs them in, it's like I feel disconnected, but also like, oh, I I guess I'm on watch tonight for you know, chainsaw guy knock, knock, knocking at our chamber door. You know, and it just it does bother me. What is this? I mean, uh what's your situation when you go to sleep? What are we wearing? Like let's let's give let's give the listeners a little more insight into it. Like, is it are you are you just uh is it bare bare butt time? Are you wearing like the old Scrooge uh like nightgown with a stocking cap?

SPEAKER_05 15:37

I sleep with very little because I get very hot at night because I'm a woman of a certain age. I kick off the covers, yeah. It's as little as possible, basically.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

You know what? I think I'm a woman of a certain age too, because I get super hot, like I radiate a lot of heat.

SPEAKER_05 15:52

There it is.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

So you and I not in the bed together because it would be hot.

SPEAKER_00 15:57

Do you ever wake up super sweaty? Yes, and frequently, you have to turn your pillow over because it's you've been sweating.

SPEAKER_05 16:07

Yeah, of course. Almost nightly, almost nightly.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

I could probably sleep with Rob.

SPEAKER_05 16:15

There it is. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

Before you get into why you would uh have sex with me. Uh, did I ever tell the story about the uh electric blanket taco?

SPEAKER_00 16:25

Something about how you got wrapped up in it and you couldn't get out. You got trapped in it.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

Almost died. I told the story. It's a great story, I won't tell it again. But yeah, no, I got wrapped up in an electric blanket and almost died. My temperature got really hot. Not really anything to do with sleep, but wait.

SPEAKER_05 16:39

Was that the same time you had what was it, Grover? Did Grover attack you inside an electric blanket, or am I combining?

SPEAKER_01 16:46

No, no, that that also it didn't that you're very close. I just leaned over and had a mask. Uh no, it was a Grover. I had like a there was a like a life-size Grover, and he was laying right next to me, and I thought he was a guy staring at me all night. Not we're just re-treading stories.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Was that the same time when you mummy wrapped yourself with duct tape and was were was humming? You were humming. No, I don't uh not a dumb story.

SPEAKER_01 17:15

That was that was supposed to be between you and me.

SPEAKER_05 17:17

Yeah, what do you what do you all wear? Stocking caps, etc. Go on.

SPEAKER_00 17:23

I wear as little as possible because of the aforementioned hotness and sweating. So but I don't wear nothing because I feel like too unrestricted. Yeah. I need to have some restrictions.

SPEAKER_02 17:42

So I mean, what do you are you just you just Yeah, what's your restriction? Tape it to your leg or oh no.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

All right, it's it's uh it's it's not my 90-night duct tape. Well, you go on, yeah. I go into bed.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

I knew there was a story about duct tape. Somebody being duck mummy wrapping something to something. Um, no, I'll just wear like so. I uh my undergarment of choice is a boxer brief. And that gives me the that sets a structure for my sleeping activity. That's the kind of structure, but I don't normally don't want any more than that because that's what the blankets are for.

SPEAKER_06 18:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

What are you wearing? It's it's the same thing. It's like uh I need a little bit of structure. I can't be all you know flippity flop down there. Like I I can't, you know, I just I have to have something. There's gotta be some duct tape or something. Like I gotta, you know, and I also like I don't use a lot of uh blankets or anything. And that's a lie. That is a straight out lie. I just got a uh weighted blanket. Have you have you guys played around with these things? What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 18:59

Oh, shut your face.

SPEAKER_05 19:01

No, I feel like I'm being suffocated. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Is that what you get at the dentist when they're taking x-rays?

SPEAKER_05 19:07

Yeah, it is exactly what you get at the dentist. X-ray blanket?

SPEAKER_00 19:11

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_05 19:12

It's a all-night hug. I don't want to be hugged all night.

SPEAKER_00 19:17

20-pound all-night hug. Oh no. What are you why are you what is this? Why are you doing this?

SPEAKER_01 19:23

I don't know. I I don't know. Maybe it's because my mind is beating me up all night. Maybe in uh first grade I shouldn't have stole that candy bar. I did. Uh-oh. I got my 20 20-pound huggy blanket. I'm fine.

SPEAKER_05 19:37

It's a thunder shirt. It's a thunder shirt for a adult humans.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

Wait, what's a thunder shirt?

SPEAKER_05 19:44

That's what you put on a dog so that they don't get nervous when it thunders.

SPEAKER_04 19:47

It's like a wing.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

Oh my god, Rob, you're wearing a thunder shirt.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

I didn't know, but I love it. So I'm snuggling up with my thunder shirt, and uh, you know, I it's it's great. It's fine.

SPEAKER_00 20:02

Can you can you get thunder pants?

SPEAKER_01 20:06

I would I would be I would be worried about thunder pants.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

Right. Thunderwear. That gives me a lot of structure.

SPEAKER_05 20:12

You gotta get thunderwear. That's your thunderware, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

There's certain scenarios that I don't want thunderwear. Like I don't like it's too much pressure. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

I don't like it. It's only for sleeping. Thunderwear is only for sleeping. If Rob and I are both wearing Thunderwear, then we could sleep in the same bed.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

Amy, what about you? Is it Scrooge? Is it Scrooge gowns?

SPEAKER_05 20:36

Um no. I I often sleep. I mean, I I'm not sleeping in the nude, but I I I would like, yeah, underwear and like a tank top or something. I got nothing but flops, so um You know what helped that thunderwear.

SPEAKER_03 20:51

Yeah. Thunderblah.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

So what's the what's the thing about okay? Do you mind if you're I think I know what Amy's answer is, but do you mind if you're sleeping with somebody if they get all up on you and try to sleep like that on top of you or hugging you?

SPEAKER_01 21:10

No. To sleep?

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Yeah, to sleep. Like they come over and like wrap their arms around you and then they fall asleep like that. How's that for you? You okay with that?

SPEAKER_05 21:24

Uh I'm gonna I'm gonna go. Uh no.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

Are you trying to are you worrying about who's gonna hear this, Amy?

SPEAKER_05 21:30

No, no, no, no. I'm not no, I'm trying to be honest, honestly. Like, I think there have been times when I uh not to sleep though. I I yeah, I think it would be like I get it. Yeah, it would be sexy time only. That would indicate that it was sexy time.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

But after sexy time, don't you want to kind of roll over and get into your own little world?

SPEAKER_05 21:54

Yep, that's right. It's all that's what I'm talking about. It's a handshake and see you tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Yeah, the handshake. Oh, that is the best way to end sexy time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 22:06

That way we both know it's over. There's no question of is this is something else about to happen? Nope. I'm going to bed now.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

Is it a firm, crisp handshake?

SPEAKER_05 22:15

Of course. It's a handshake.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

Like what? That no.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

There's no crisp.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

It's like sexy time. There's nothing crisp about it. No, I it's like saying goodbye to a business colleague. Give him a couple of firm pumps and you're out. Oh no, don't say pumps. That'll get me started again.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

Firm pumps.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

That's where the duct tape comes. That's where the thunderware comes in. I uh uh yeah, I can't do the the mummy hug or whatever it's called, that thing where somebody wants to sleep on you. I just lie awake, like wanting it to go away.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

I always panic. I panic because I'm like, oh god, and something's gonna fall asleep. Something's gonna a body part's gonna fall asleep any second now. You know, an hour later, yep, can't feel my arm. Like, you know, I just I knew it. I knew something was gonna fall asleep.

SPEAKER_05 23:02

An hour? You could lay like that for an hour? I would have to shimmy out. I would have to shimmy.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

Yeah, well, how do you do that without awaking the other person? Do you grease yourself?

SPEAKER_00 23:13

Are you greased up? Yes, so you can slip out.

SPEAKER_05 23:16

I I start greased up so that when the shimmy comes, it's easier.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

Oh my god. Duct tape and an extra grease. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 23:25

Yeah, pre-grease.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Duct tape, Crisco, and Thunderware. That's all we need. No, I can't do it. Yeah, because you have you're lying there with a person and you feel like you can't move because they're you can already tell they're doing that heavy breathing, they're already gone, they're asleep. Oh, I hate that.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

And you're always stuck. I I always try to like do a race, like I just I don't want to be the last one awake, but I always am. I hate that. Yeah, like my my partner, like she her head will be on the pillow like not even 30 seconds. Like, I'm not even exaggerating. 20 seconds, and like sometimes she'll just fall asleep in the middle of a sentence, like it, and it's just it's horrible. And I hate it, and I'm up all night.

SPEAKER_00 24:08

She'll fall asleep in mid-sentence.

SPEAKER_01 24:10

Yeah, like she's just she's just all like, oh yeah, tomorrow I think we should you know we will.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

Uh Rob, yeah. I I met this old boyfriend at work, and the next thing that I knew was I find that with being in pandemic time, uh my sleep schedule's way off, especially in the in in the fall and winter where it starts getting dark where I live, like at two o'clock in the afternoon. Um it's like seven o'clock is like, well, nothing to do. Might as well go to sleep. That doesn't work, of course, because then you're up at like two.

SPEAKER_05 24:51

And I have started waking up at about five o'clock in the morning pretty regularly.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 24:56

And I don't hate it. I don't hate it, and it's okay, but it's definitely not not the way I used to sleep.

SPEAKER_01 25:03

Right.

SPEAKER_05 25:03

Rob.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

I I'm getting up at five, but I I'm not like Amy. It's not okay. There's there's nothing okay about 5 a.m. Um, I I I do have a schedule. Uh on the weekends, I throw that schedule uh away and I stay up way too late, late, and I still have to get up early because we have this new puppy now. We have a new puppy, guys, and uh like that dog gets up on at clockwork.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

Yes, that was the thing that kept me on schedule because my dog who passed away last year, but he he had a whole routine. First of all, I don't know how he always knew exactly what time it was, but he always knew. And so he knew that he got to eat at 6 a.m. every morning. Okay, so he knew that, but he would start a routine at about 5:45. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

What was what was his routine?

SPEAKER_00 25:58

Well, the first routine would be he would um start to move around in an obnoxious way because he would sleep right next to my bed, so he would start moving around unnecessarily. Then he would get up and kind of look at me to see if that would make me wake up. If that didn't work, then he went to he had a big tail and he would pound it against the wall.

SPEAKER_02 26:28

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

SPEAKER_00 26:30

But he still felt, hey, I'm not waking you up, I'm just standing here. I can't help but that I'm pounding the wall like a bass drum. If I still didn't get up because it wasn't quite six, then he would move to the nuclear option, which would be to put his paws on my chest and start to shake me. So when you have that kind of thing going on, you get into a regular schedule. And now that he's not here to do that, it's like there's no rules. It's like the structure that I need is gone. I have no structure.

SPEAKER_01 27:12

So mine does she she does a thing where she starts off and just starts moving unnecessarily. And like then, and if I hear that, because again, ninja, I wake up to all noises, and I'm like, oh, oh no, it must be around five. Like, I don't want to do this right now. Like, go back to sleep. So then she'll do those, like this passive aggressive, like doggy sigh, like a it's not quite a wine, but it's like it's it's next door, like it's the neighbor next door. So it's all like, and then like and then as it gets a little more like closer to six, it you add the wine to it. So it's all like, oh no, stop it, stop it. And then and then it's like at one point, I don't know what it changes in her mind, but she just like then it's like I'm like, oh she she's either going, she's either trying out for a Bee Gees cover band or she needs to go outside. And so like I'm I get up and do the stuff.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

Yeah, yeah. I will even sometimes take a nap in the afternoon. Oh god, I love naps. I never used to do it, I never used to take naps, but sometimes I'll take a nap. Now my dog never would have let me take a nap. Right.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Amy, are you a nap person? Are you a nap person? I feel like you would be a nap person.

SPEAKER_05 28:32

I love napping. I tell you what, I've perfected as a uh at whatever age. I want to say older adult, but that I don't like that at my age.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

I want to guess sleeping while driving.

SPEAKER_05 28:44

Yes, I love it because you get there so much faster and you just like whoa, how did we get here? Little power naps. Like I can sleep, I can I can look at the clock and think like I have seven minutes before I need to do something, and I'll just fall asleep for seven minutes and I'll wake up. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 29:06

That's genius sleep. That's what geniuses do.

SPEAKER_05 29:08

Right. I don't I don't have a lot of skills, but that's that I've got it's useless, other than for that.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

You're you're you're sleeping like Einstein right now.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

Yes, I have genius sleep too. Like I'll like, oh, I'm gonna sleep for seven minutes and then I'll wake up two days later and I'm like no, that's that's drunk sleep.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

That's beer, that's beer sleep. I I the my problem with naps, and I've heard other people say this too, but I feel 300% worse after I take a nap.

SPEAKER_05 29:41

It makes me feel groggy if I sleep for more than seven minutes. That's why it's a seven-minute nap or nothing.

SPEAKER_00 29:47

I feel like I've been roofied when I take a nap. It's like what it takes me like an hour to come out of it. It's bad. But then if I do that, forget about going to forget about sleep time. I'll stay up all night. Sometimes people can have trouble going to sleep because they have uh intense anxiety or other serious ailments like sleep apnea or restless leg syndrome, otherwise known as Jimmy Leg.

SPEAKER_05 30:16

Or not known as Jimmy Leg.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

Hey man, I've been with people who have Jimmy Leg or Jimmy Arm. That's a rough night. They start pumping you.

SPEAKER_01 30:29

There's a guy named James listening to this podcast, going, hey.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

Wow. Anyway, yeah, no doubt. No doubt's happening right now. So what's going on? Mood disorders like depression. So you might need to see a doctor, but a lot of people find that bedtime stories or white noise or other kinds of meditations are really helpful. The other thing you can do is um apparently not drink caffeine after a certain time of the day. That's a good thing, or not have coke.

SPEAKER_01 31:14

I can understand that. Like as a kid, like we we'd go hang out and I'd be drinking coffee at night and you know, Dr. Pepper's like a whole case of it. Yeah. And then I can immediately go to sleep. Now, if I have like a thimble size of Diet Dr. Pepper after four o'clock, I'm like all night.

SPEAKER_05 31:34

Totally, yeah. There have been a couple of nights that I'm laying in bed and I'm like, why can I not fall asleep? Oh, that's right. I had a coke with lunch.

SPEAKER_00 31:43

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've stopped trying to do coffee after you know morning time. If it's no longer morning, don't do coffee. I find that that helps a lot. Anyone taking melatonin?

SPEAKER_01 31:56

So, melatonin for me has I think the opposite effect. I was gonna look this up while we were talking, uh, but we got into thunder pants and I forgot to. But like melaton, like it'll make my heart race. I don't think it's supposed to do that. Is that a thing?

SPEAKER_00 32:12

Oh no, it's not supposed to do that. However, I was reading about melatonin, and 70% of the supplements tend to have ingredients that vary widely from what it says on the label. So you could be, depending on what you're buying, who knows what you're getting. I I don't know what they cut it with. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_05 32:36

You're getting Jimmy Leg and your melatonin.

SPEAKER_00 32:40

Now, the melatonin is supposed to, you know, it's supposed to relax you. Um, it's supposed to reduce your stress and reduce your cart cortisol. It's the vampire hormone, it only comes out at night. And um it's it's supposed to, I'm I'm reading that. That's not my own stuff.

SPEAKER_01 33:03

Yeah, but you add a little bit of flair to it. Like you're like, it only comes out at night. I almost feel like you got your two fingers and pointed at the mic when you said that.

SPEAKER_00 33:16

It's supposed to act like a dimmer switch, and apparently, people who take melatonin um and it works, it tends to get them asleep seven minutes faster. Is it worth it? I don't know. You know what else? You know what else? What else, Ross? Most countries, in most countries other than the US, where nobody cares, you have to get a prescription to get melatonin. You can't just go down to Costco or wherever, you buy your bulk order medicine and get melatonin. You have to see a doctor. But they do say that um if you feel weird after taking it the next morning, like groggy or hungover, or some other problems, that there's probably not for you.

SPEAKER_01 34:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:03

So, Rob, it doesn't sound like this is a good idea for you.

SPEAKER_01 34:06

No, I'm out.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

Um, I don't know if I mentioned this previously, but it's also known as the vampire hormone. It only comes out at night. Hey! Um so once you're asleep, do you find so Rob, you're a ninja. You wake up if you hear something. Amy, you can sleep through the wire or a chainsaw.

SPEAKER_05 34:34

Only in the beginning of sleep time, though.

SPEAKER_00 34:38

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 34:38

When I I can fall asleep to it, I can't stay asleep.

SPEAKER_00 34:42

So if I was gonna come to your house with a chainsaw, I should come earlier in the evening.

SPEAKER_05 34:50

Yes, and I typically fall asleep around 8 30.

SPEAKER_00 34:53

So well, so do you think you'll be uh downloading these apps and listening to bedtime stories?

SPEAKER_05 35:03

I don't think so. No, I won't do it. I guess the pain for them is probably a part that I'm not totally into. I did I did listen to this, it is not the same as the bedtime stories, but I listened to just like one of the guided meditations one time, and I did eventually fall asleep, but I don't know if I dreamt it or if it was actually part of it, but there was a really creepy, like creepy voice in in some part of it. Um so I've never been able to use them again because it was like the Blair Witch project was a yeah, right?

SPEAKER_00 35:40

Well, there's probably not too many choices that are gonna be like the Blair Witch project. I'm just saying they're there are like nice stories. Yeah, and remember I said Matthew McConaughey, so you got that.

SPEAKER_04 35:51

I do, I do like Matthew McConaughey. He has a soothing, soothing way about him.

SPEAKER_01 35:55

Yes. I'm not gonna do it again. I feel like you're prompting me to do it, and I didn't like the reception. I didn't like the reception I had the first time around.

SPEAKER_00 36:04

Well, you could give us another chance, everyone deserves a second chance.

SPEAKER_05 36:08

No, not doing it. I'm not doing it. Are you trying to bring back up that time you did the Lucy Lou?

SPEAKER_00 36:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:15

Impressions.

SPEAKER_00 36:16

Yeah, killed it. He killed it. He's always been great with his impressions. Yeah, that's what I'm known for.

SPEAKER_05 36:22

Ross, are you gonna use the the Matthew McConaughey tells the three little pig story?

SPEAKER_00 36:30

You know, um that would be a good one, wouldn't it? If he would tell that one, but it's pretty short. No, I was actually thinking about Rob to do uh because another thing I like is I've told you guys before is ASMR. I like people who like I can listen to that at night too, and those are free on YouTube if you're in somebody horrible.

SPEAKER_01 36:51

Like, I just I don't like it. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_00 36:55

I'm not talking about the mukbang stuff. I'm not talking about like people eating sausage or something for six hours. I'm talking about somebody talking to you. I told you before, like they're checking you into a hotel or they're selling you a suit. So it's a you know a normal thing. Your thunder pants are secure. That's perfect. I got it. I got it. I cannot even begin to tell you if this is an episode, but I think we've I think we've gotten to the end of whatever it is. And um, I want to thank you, Amy, for being there and for sharing your sleep stories with us.

SPEAKER_05 37:35

Good night, Ross.

SPEAKER_00 37:37

Ooh, that's good, yeah. And Rob, thank you, sir. Good night, Ross. Okay, that's Matthew McConaughey dead on. And folks, if you want to help us, you can, as I said, share the show. That really helps us. You can follow us on social media, Instagram, and Twitter. You can support us on Patreon, that's a thing. You can do that if that's something you want to do. Um, you can send us an email. Please stay in touch. We'd love to hear from you, and we really appreciate that you tune into the show every week. And we hope you will tune in to another episode because whether you are asleep right now and only registering this episode at a subconscious level, or just someone taco wrapped in their thunderware, it's important to remember that we all smell like humans. Goodbye, everybody.